(Closed) Opinions on getting FI to exchange engagement ring.

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: Would you get FI to exchange a ring you didn't like?
    Yes, I have to wear it for the rest of my life. I need to like it. : (55 votes)
    59 %
    No, it's the love behind the ring that matters : (38 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    I proposed to my Fiance and if she had tried to return or exchange the ring, I think that might have been a deal breaker … the ring is a symbol of your love and relationship, not just a trophy or a thing to look pretty. You can get other jewelry that you choose. And I guess if your partner doesn’t know you well enough to pick a ring you’ll like, how are you supposed to trust each other with your lives?? Just my two cents…

    Post # 17
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee

    I wouldn’t worry about it until he actually proposes. However I am one of those that would have accepted anything because I am so excited to marry him.

    Post # 18
    Member
    747 posts
    Busy bee

    I get that the engagement ring is supposed to be sentimental, but to say that it would be a dealbreaker if your fiance didn’t like the ring you got them is a little harsh.  People get engaged and married all the time without a ring.  It should be about the two people making a decision to spend their lives together.  I’d go as far as to say if my fiance threw that much of a hissy fit over the fact the ring he got me wasn’t my taste, then that would be the dealbreaker. 

    happyowl19:  

    Post # 19
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee

    happyowl19:  This actually just happened to my friends cousin. She was too embarrassed of it and refused to wear it even though he promised an upgrade when he could afford it. He took his ring back and ended the relationship. They had been together since middle school.

    Post # 20
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

    I would show Fiance my preferences definitely, or pick a few rings and let him select which one, but i would not let him pick it on his own! SO’s taste is completely different to mine (he is very traditional, plain, simple and timeless) whereas I’m a bit more modern, creative and blingy. This ring is basically going to be part of your body, you may as well like it! 

    Post # 21
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    SithLady:  I agree! Fiance wanted to pick out the ring, and I literally had nightmares about ‘alternative’ engagement rings and dollar store finds. He really really wanted to pick it out on his own and surprise me, so I let him. He picked a split shank halo that I NEVER would have picked on my own, but I love it because he picked it and that is what he was holding when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I once told him I was okay without a ring and would be happy just to pick a wedding band. He wanted to get me a ring, so now I have one. I have certainly had moments where I think “it’s not my dream ring”, but I do love and cherish it and always will. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    5038 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    In your case I would tell my SO my ring preferences and let him pick out the ring, hoping he takes your taste into consideration.

    Post # 23
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee

    So I’m just going on record to say I would love a giant dolhin shaped ring.  Anyway I think if he gives you a ring you wear it.  Who cares that you ‘have to wear it’ for the rest of your life and it isn’t 1000% perfect?  So what? you can buy yourself jewelry for the rest of your life.  This is different.  This is simply a promise or a contract of marriage.  If he is paying for it he gets to pick it.  If this is someone that loves  you I’m sure he will try to pick something he imagines you will love! Take it for what it is.  A promise.  A contract. It’s not a polly princess perfect fit ring for you.  It’s him saying he wants to marry you.  In my opinion exchanging it is rude and ungrateful and flies against any kind of tradition.  If you don’t like it suck it up buttercup.  Or is a piece of jewlery more important than a marriage?

    Post # 24
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    So I love my fiance and what the ring represents, he proposed to me with a ring I did not care for at all, but it didn’t matter because I was so happy he asked me to marry him so I actually started liking it. However he just thinks BIG ! he wanted to get me a big ring because he thought that’s what I desereved but he also didn’t want to pay millions. So he wen’t with a quad type ring where a bunch of small stones makes up one….I was not pleased for that wass never my type but I sucked it up. Then one day out of no where he asks babe do you love your ring? I was nervous thinking he overheard a convo he heard me have with my mom but he didnt, he said he realized it was nothing like the rings we looked at together and to let him know if I wanted to exchange it . I told him no I am happy. The ring he got me scratch the hell out of us all the time so we went to the jewler to see about getting the prongs shaved down, that’s when the man told us it’s a nice ring but with a sale thats going on I could get a better ring for not too much more of what he paid. in the end i got a new ring my dream ring and I came clean to my fiance and told him I did not care for the first one but would of worn it with pride forever. I think you Fiance cares about what you love and your style, I don’t think he would be mad, I thought my Fiance would be so heartbroken but he knew maybe he picked the ring that was more so best for him vs me.  Old ring on top ne ring is on the bottom. 

     

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee

    Im currently dealing with this right now. With a family heirloom to make it even more awkward. 

    Im very particular about clothing and jewelry. I gave him very basic requirements when I knew exactly what I wanted. I don’t know he would propose so soon. I wish I would have shown him some pictures of what I wanted. 

    You will be wearing this for the rest of your life. Plus it’s a big ticket item (price). You should get something you will be comfortable and excited about wearing everyday. If this is such a big deal to you, definitely steer him in the right direction. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee

    j9marie:  this!!! I wouldn’t want to tell him exactly what I wanted, because I would like him to select it….. but I would like him to know my style preferences so there would be a pretty strong likelihood that I would like it. I mean, if you are wearing it for the rest of your life, it would be nice to having something that you are really in love with- just like him 🙂

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee

    Fiance and I had a talk about this.  He’s very traditional with certain things and the engagement ring is just that. I buy it you keep it for life.  There’s no “exchange the ring in 5 years when we’re more financially set for an upgrade.” No. Thats THE ring. I buy the one I want and you will wear it forever.  Honestly it has me slightly worried say if he buys something out there that I don’t like.  I don’t want to not like my ring and have to wear it for life.  I have a strong sense of style so I have ideas in mind.  I guess what I’ll end up doing is steering him to the right direction.  Giving him ideas on the shapes and settings I might like and hope for the best.

    Post # 28
    Member
    370 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017 - Wedgewood Tower Club

    My ring is absolutely NOTHING like ANY of the reference pictures I gave Fiance, but it’s everything I dreamed of.

    It’s okay to not have total control. But at the end of the day, it’s what’s behind the ring.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I selected NO because a ring is a gift and its massively rude to object to a gift In My Humble Opinion however if it was spectaculaly and amazingly ugly then maybe I would have to but it would need to be really bad and impractical but so many people complain over little things like carat, cut, colour or setting and I just dont get it… it seems control freak-y as its the one thing we dont have a say in but now everyone demand a say in it

    Post # 30
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I didn’t let my husband do any of the picking and he was totally fine with it (less pressure for him apparently) lol. Maybe send him some reference pictures to give him an idea of what ring you wouldn’t totally hate or even suggest going to try on rings together to see which styles you like and he can pick from there.

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