(Closed) Opinions on long engagements

posted 5 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

silly. TO me, engagment means, time to start planning a wedding!

Post # 3
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It depends on the couple. If that’s what works for you- go for it! 

Post # 4
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I have a colleague that is engaged and plans to stay that way for 5 years.  I don’t find this odd at all for some reason.  I mean, they did make that second step to being married and maybe they want to enjoy this period more, focus on their careers (without the “waiting” looming over their heads).

I plan to have a 2 year engagement if/when I do get engage.  I think that’s enough time to enjoy the engagement, share the news, bask in the glory of “the ring”, and plan a wedding LOL.

Post # 5
Member
4069 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Mine is going to be 1 year & 10 months, which is very long but I didn’t mean for it to be necessarily.. i wanted to just have fun being engaged for awhile and having it sink in… Then after about 4 months I decided we better set a date, I wanted the fall but knew it couldn’t be this year bc of the time restraint, there’s no way I would feel comfortable with planning a wedding in 7 months, so we decided on next fall to give us plenty of time to plan and stuff, I want to do things as leisurely as possible… Plus theres no real rush, we’ve been together for over 7 years! 

Post # 6
Hostess
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How long? When it’s over it will have been 16 months long, we’re getting married June 2016. But our 5 year anniversary is this September. We would have done it sooner but a huge portion of my family lives in other states. I wanted to give everyone enough planning time.

Post # 7
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

kangaroode:  we had to wait a couple of years, we had no choice (I won’t get into why, family reasons). he wanted to propose to me anyway so why put it off?  I’m glad he did it sooner rather than later. however I hated waiting that long to get married. 

Post # 8
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

True… depends on the length. I know couples that have been engaged 7+ years, don’t get it.

Post # 9
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

kangaroode:  I think they are perfect. Since I believe two years of premarital counseling is necessary since a marriage is more than just love. And it maybe time to start planning but you get more time. I have had multiple brides tell me they wished they had more than a year to plan. And you know what I’m glad I have time. 

Post # 10
Member
9362 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think it’s fine depending on each couple’s circumstances.

I for one am having an indefinite engagement. Once Fiance and I are legally married, we’ll owe about $30k more in taxes each year bc of the marriage penalty (and that’ll only go up each year). We’ve been together almost 8 years now and we feel like an old married couple already, so we’re in no rush. We’re also liberal hippies who aren’t the type to put alot of weight on formal titles. We’re just “us” and we like us. 🙂

I get tons of judgment — here and IRL. But whatever, I can deal!

Post # 11
Member
8962 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kangaroode:  Like, what do I think of other people who are in a long engagement? Or what would I think of myself being in one? Because I don’t think one way or the other about other people’s. For myself, the first time my husband asked me to marry him, I told him I’d consider it if he would agree to a 5 year engagement where we could see other people. (He said forget it) (and I was kinda relieved) So at that time, I would have been ok with a long engagement because I didn’t want to give up the single life. Once I knew I wanted to marry him though, it was less than 4 months from engagement to wedding. So, whatever works for the people involved is ok by me.

Post # 12
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We’re having a 17 month engagement, but it’s more so that we have time to save up for our wedding and honeymoon expenses. I plan to craft the decor for our reception, so having the extra time helps. By the time our wedding date rolls around, we’ll have been together for 5 1/2 years 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It’s different depending on the situation, sometimes circumstances don’t allow for a shorter engagement, but I don’t really understand planned long engagaments. Meaning when the couple wants to “take the next step” but isn’t ready to get married, engagement isn’t a step in a relationship, it’s the time you take to plan your wedding. If you need extra time to save up money or because you want a specific venue or maybe life just got in the way of plans I totally get that, I just don’t get when couples want to be engaged for a few years before even thinking about the wedding. To me that’s dating with a ring on your finger but idk. 

Post # 14
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

I think it is completely dependent on the people involved. In college, I had multiple friends who had longer engagements (typically 2-3 years), but now most of the couples I know (myself included) are engaged from 6 months to a year. This mostly has to do with what is practical – when we were in school, some couples wanted to get engaged but be able to take their time planning with the demands of school and get married after graduation. Now that we are a little older and more stable in our careers and lives in general, a shorter engagement is more feasible.

Post # 15
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My SO and I are planning to have about a 2 year engagement because we want to be financially stable when we get married. Initially I wanted to get engaged and married right away, but our compromise was to have a longer engagement and get engaged sooner. Also, it’ll give me plenty of time to plan so it’s a good thing my opinion!

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