(Closed) Opinions on long engagements

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
Post # 76
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was engaged for 20 months. It was great for my husband and I. It was enough time to take the planning in steps, but not so long that it felt dragged out. I know couples who don’t want to spend lots of time thinking about a wedding and have very short engagements, and enjoy the experience immensely. I have also known couples who were engaged for a very long time, and that’s what made them happy. In fact, an older woman I know is engaged with no plans to marry! She’s been married and I think she wanted the security and “legitimacy” of the title of engaged, but did not want to go through all of the legal implications of a marriage and wants to maintain some of her independence. 

I try not to judge any situation. Couples have to just do what’s right for them. 

Post # 77
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I got engaged for the once-in-a-lifetime date. So, we won’t be getting married for a few years. Right now, I’m thinking March 2020 🙂 

Post # 78
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

kangaroode:  my opinion is that delayed gratification is still gratification. Wether you’re married after 6 months or 3 years doesn’t change anything to your bliss once you walk up the aisle, hand in hand, as a married couple. As adults, we’re capable of making choices that we feel are right for us. People who judge long engagements probably fail to realize it’s not a race.

Post # 79
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My Fiance and I got engaged in 1/1/15 and havent really started planning anything yet. There has been alot of family stuff going on (deaths, babies, weddings) and we are finally going to start planning. We have been together 6.5 years and are thinking about 9/2016 so we will be close to 8 years together by then!

Post # 80
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper

TheGridMonster:  Agreed! There are all sorts of legal and financial consequences to marriage and not all of them are positive or fair. As an older Bee who has been married before and has children I have no problem saying ‘love me, love my kids.’ I do have a problem with ‘love me, put my kids through college’ — should SO and I marry even though he has children of his own he is putting through college his income, which is greater than mine, becomes part of every scholarship and financial aid application my children submit, greatly reducing their opportunities. (It’s required for the FAFSA, no exceptions, no way around it, not even through a pre-nup or any other contract.)

While having a long engagement is not ideal, and I’d be breaking my own rule of not living together (with my children) unless I was married, there are many considerations. 

Post # 81
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

I think there a good reasons to have a long engagement, and there is no way for me to know what a couple’s circumstances are so I can’t pass judgement even if I wanted to. 

For me and my family, being engaged isn’t a step in a relationship. Engagement is the period of time it takes for you to plan the wedding (usually around a year, though up to 2 isn’t unusual if they want a certain season). 

Post # 82
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I don’t quite understand engagements that last longer than 2 years…(barring some kind of unforeseen circumstances). If you know you want to married, just do it.

Post # 83
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My sister was engaged for four years before their wedding. They’re now happily married. They wanted to save money and get their careers set first. Everyone is different. 

Post # 84
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Well, we met each other September 2014, started dating October 2014, had the wedding date November 2014, got engaged December 2014, moved in January 2015, and will be married December 2015.  I kind of liked it all, the before the dating, the dating, the engagement.  For me, I’d think the engagement would be long enough to plan the wedding.  I’m doing the entire wedding planning myself and honeymoon planning ($5k wedding budget) and things really do take time.

Post # 85
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

My Fiance and I are planning on having a long engagement. We live in Australia and my family are English, so we want to give people time to save up to come out to Aus for the wedding. We also want to buy a house together before we get married and it’s a bit easier for VISA purposes to show that you intend to be married rather than just de facto. (I came out to Australia on a working holiday visa originally).
As many bees have said, it’s down to the couple and their circumstances. I’m not even thinking about planning yet, I’m just enjoying being engaged and am looking forward to the planning process 🙂

Post # 86
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My engagment will be 2 years, 10 months.  A little long.  By the time we get married we will have been together for 7 years and living together for 4 years.  However the long engagment fits our situation.  Since he proposed we have had a lot of changes in our life regarding jobs and life transitions.  We also need time to save money.   We are having a very simple wedding, not saving up for anything fancy or extravagent, but still need time to save.  The thought of having a quickie wedding at the courthouse next year had crossed our minds but at the end of the day I want something a little more than that. 

But despite having a long engagment, I actually love our wedding date that we chose. 

I think engagment length really depends on the couple and what is going on in their lives.

Post # 87
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know someone who has had a 2 year engagement and has been absolutely miserable the whole time and envious of others. She kept crying for a ring though. I just think she should have waited a year so they could have saved up and saved herself the misery she is claiming to now be in.

Post # 88
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I having a 2 year engagement because we are both in grad school and I will be finishing grad school the month that we would be getting married so we planned for the year after. Also we wanted a specific date and 2016 the date is a Friday and we didn’t want a Friday wedding. I think it’s personal to the couple and every couple has to decide what they are comfortable with. 

Post # 89
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance

My fiancé proposed almost a year ago (July 31) and we plan on having a very long engagement… Probably a 2019 wedding. I want to finish school before I get married since I go to school in Maine and he stays in New Jersey and he can’t afford an apartment on his own (he lives with his parents and I live with my mom during breaks). 

Then after school is over –2017– we’ll get an apartment and I’ll have to get the work I can and work towards completing my national certification (I’m studying to be an ASL Interpreter). We don’t mind having a long engagement..it’s easier to plan everything anyway… no rushing around and being stressed for time!  

Post # 90
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Our engagement will be a year and a month, and I’m counting down the days. I originally wanted a long engagement, but the planning has gone (relatively) well, and now I just feel like I’m WAITING to walk down the aisle. 

I may take some bashing for this, but I’m one of those people who have gotten a little (very little, in private!) jealous when friends who got engaged after me got married before me. I KNOW it’s not a race, I’m so just so eager to finally be married to my FH! We just received an invite to a friend’s wedding – she’s getting married a couple of weeks before us. I admit to feeling a little pang of *something* when the invitation was addressed to Mr. Fiance and Ms. Me. I’m tired of still being a Ms and I wish we had a shorter engagement!

Of course I woudl NEVER say any of this to them… or my family … or my fiance. Just to you ladies with whom I share my deepest darkest. 😉

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