(Closed) Opinions on long engagements?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t have an opinion on it. How long a couple is engaged is their business.

Post # 18
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee

As long as the engaged couple eventually gets married, I wouldn’t judge. For example, two college students with a four-year engagement wouldn’t bother me, but I would be leery of a couple who are in a more appropriate place in life to marry that has been engaged for 8-10 years. If you truly don’t want to get married, don’t get engaged.

Post # 19
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Fiance and I are about 14 months into a 3 and a half year engagement, very long time, it would be nice if we could marry sooner but it is just not plausible. I am doing a graduate degree and want to finish before getting married, and we want to live together first, which we can’t afford to do right now. So winter 2015 (summer in the northern hemisphere) is what we’re aiming for.

Post # 20
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We will have been engaged 27mths by the time the wedding happens, one year down so far. I don’t mind – the time has meant that I’ve got a lot of big things booked so far (though I will agree with the PP who said your tastes will change… I had Pinterest & was collecting ideas for nearly 12mths before we got engaged, and my ideas then have changed to what I’m booking now).

I don’t mind the wait – it probably would have been shorter, except I’m in a friend’s wedding later this year & didn’t want to “steal her thunder” (I know no-one owns months etc) but by the time a respectable timeframe was left after hers, I’m not doing a summer wedding. Hence the wait til 2014.

Post # 21
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Cady:  +1

Post # 22
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

We were together 3 years before we got engaged and then didnt get married till 5 years later. So a total of 8 years before getting married.  We lived together mostly that whole time so it was like we were married anyway.  I just got so tired of always hearing your not married yet?Dont worry about what others think and say the time is going to go by before you know it.

Post # 23
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We will be getting married 2 years to the day after we got engaged. I would have been happy with 1 year, but my brother and dad would be out of the country, so that didn’t work. With a little under 1.5 years left, I am glad that I am having a longer engagement – I have time to focus on school, and when I feel like a break from studying, I can look at wedding stuff 🙂

Post # 24
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

our engagement is just about 22 months. It was tough at first because I just wanted to get married and I left silly getting excited about something so far away. We chose a date far away for a bunch of different reasons, we wanted the wedding of our dreams an need time to save for it. I don’t care if people say “wow that’s so far off” because my response is “yeah, and luckily, I’ll have an easy engagement and won’t have to deal with the stress of planning on a tight schedule”.

the upside is that we were able to get a June Saturday wedding at disneyland with our #1 choice photographer. And most guests already know they’ll have to travel so they’re already saving for the trip. 

Post # 25
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

 

@CAWiley:  

 

Well, I can tell you what I think, but I’m only one person and I think this a very personal subject and it’s tricky to make generalizations about what is the best thing to do. Because every couple is different.

But my opinion is that if you are young (late teens/early 20s), it’s generally a good idea to have a long engagement so that you can get your education sorted out and get established in your chosen careers.

If you’re older — say mid- to late- 20s plus? — I would think a long engagement would be kind of a drag, even if there were a good reason for it (such as saving up for wedding expenses). 

I personally would not want a long engagement. I never wanted to get engaged when I was really young, and in my family and social circles, couples tie the knot within six months to a year of getting engaged, so that’s what I’m accustomed to and comfortable with.

But that’s just me and to each, his or her own. I agree with the PP who said it’s really the couple’s business and no one else’s business. This is a very private decision between the couple.

 

Post # 26
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Cady:  +1

Post # 27
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No matter what you do in life someone is going to have an unsolicited opinion. screw them. Your life, your business.

Post # 28
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Our wedding is in 2 years and a month. I’m so happy we have all of this time to plan and SAVE up for the wedding. Plus, I don’t feel rushed to think about things. I can go all crazy about weddings for two weeks and then completely forget about them for another two weeks or so. No pressure really, which for me is a good thing.

Post # 29
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

For me personally, a long engagement would drive me crazy. (but if you are young, I think long make sense) But do what works for you. 

But whatever you do, dont ask your Bridal Party yet. Wait until you are 9-12 months out. There are tons of post on WB aobut miserable bees who picked (and asked) Bridal Party early in their long engagement. And the friends they had forever, or who they thought would be BBF, suddenly changed. 

 

Post # 30
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Fiance and I met/began dating in June of 2010 and he proposed in July 2011. We’re getting married April 12, 2013, so we had a pretty long (to me) engagement. I started planning right away and everyone thought I was nuts, but I’m glad I did… Things have been crazy and I don’t think I would have been able to get everything done if I had started any later.

Post # 31
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

We met in November of 2010, were engaged August 2011, and will be getting married October 2014.

It’s not ideal, and we really shouldn’t have gotten engaged so soon, but we are long distance, and I’ll be finishing a master’s program in December, so our options are limited. It has given us a long time to discuss our wants and needs and get comfortable with the idea of being married.

The long engagement doesn’t bother me as much as the distance, so my opinion is a little skewed.

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