(Closed) Opinions on long relationships and no commitment/proposal

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you stay with a man who told you that he will never propose to you/marriage is not happening?
    Yes, as long as we are in love, marriage isn't necessary : (29 votes)
    21 %
    No, I would leave and find a man who would marry me : (108 votes)
    79 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11239 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Personally, I would leave. I want a marriage commitment (not a wedding and a ring, although those are nice) from my other half.

    It’s different when both people have no interest in marriage, though. Some people don’t want to be married, and that’s okay, but for those who want marriage, it’s really not fair to yourself to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t (and not fair of the other person to stay/not consider it/etc. when they know it’s what you want). Unfortunately, it has a tendency to breed resentment from the person who wants it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’d leave. I don’t care what SO’s reasons would be, IMO if he’s not willing to marry me it’s because he’s not really committed.

    Obviously some people here have different views and that’s totally okay, but that mindset just doesn’t compute for me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m wondering why anyone on a wedding website would even be here at all if they weren’t interested in marriage.  ?  Undecided  Not sure your poll will get very unbiased or accurate real-world results.

    Post # 6
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @vorpalette:  “Some people don’t want to be married, and that’s okay, but for those who want marriage, it’s really not fair to yourself to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t (and not fair of the other person to stay/not consider it/etc. when they know it’s what you want).”

    This exactly.  I’d leave because I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be married one day.  I’ve always wanted that commitment and if a guy doesn’t want to give that to me, that’s fine.  But he isn’t the right guy for me.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    3887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I was floored when DH proposed. We had been together for 3 years and living together for 2, and I was friends (but not romantic) with him when he divorced from his first wife.  I saw everything he went through in that divorce, and honestly expected him to never want to marry again.  And that did not bother me.  To be fair, I mihgt have been singing a different song 10 or 20 years down the road, but I knew I had his full commitment and his heart; I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. And our relationship has been so wonderful that, to me, it wasn’t worth walking away from the good thing we had just to take a chance that I could find someone equally wonderful who wanted to actually get married.

    Like I said, I might have not been so cool with it a few years down the road  but if you had asked me before he proposed, I would fully have expected that we’d be together for decades without marrying, and I had no intention of moving on.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It works for some people.  Not for me.  I was ok with waiting 6 years to marry hubs, but not with waiting that long for him to decide he even wanted to get married.  I had to know pretty early that his relationship end game was marriage and babies.  A few years after that, I needed to know that he saw that future with me, no matter how distant it was.  After 4-5 years, I was ready (and 29-30, FFS) to get that show on the road.  🙂

    My aunt dated my uncle (divoced with a kid my age he never sees) for 10 years – he said he didn’t want to get married again.  Then he proposed, out of the blue.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1579 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    I love FI, and I would have stayed with him because I don’t want anyone else, I just want him. I don’t care if I have a fancy ring on my finger as long as I get to spend the rest of my days with the man I love.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Ain’t nobody got time for that!

    I couldn’t be with someone that never wanted to marry. I need stability, and honestly, I would never feel secure or stable in a relationship where the man told me, “Okay, this is as good as it gets. I’ll be your boyfriend, but nothing else. But I want you to know, I love you deeply.”

    Sorry, not buying it.

    Marriage is important to me, and he should recognize that. And don’t give me that whole, “Oh I’ve been hurt before” crap. Everyone has their scars. You’re not special. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it rubs me the wrong way when I see people (men or women) being strung along for YEARS because of that line.

    No. Just no.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    for those of you saying you need stability, commitment etc etc all that jazz, how is a man staying with you for 12 years without marriage any less stable or committed?

    sounds like it’s just a case of “I want to be able to say I’m married”.

    Post # 13
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @strawbs:  Because if someone is truely that committed to me, they’d be willing to have that piece of paper because it is something that is important to me.

    If they care that little about something that is very important to me, they really aren’t that committed, no matter how long they’ve been around.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Torrid:  LOL at your first line!  Love it!

    I personally would not stick around if I suspected I was being strung along, and I would not be in a relationship in the first place with someone who never wanted to get married.  (Of course, this is my wise 28 year old self talking – I might not have been so insistent when I was 19). 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Mrs.KMM:  but why is it important to you? how is marrying you more a commitment vs 12 years of his life with you anyway? is it just because it’s more difficult to break up?

    Post # 16
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @jellybeangreen246:  4 years was my timeline pretty much in all my past relationships but that’s just me i wish i knew what i know now. to know the real thing ; ) i would not have wasted so much of my time but you live and you learn lol and i have my son who i love more then anything its funny i was not looking to marry his father i knew it would never go there we had a baby and it was the best thing that ever happen to me. i just thank God i finally found my soul mate and best friend he loves me and my son. in the past all the “RED FLAGS” were there but i always made excuses instead of walking away. looking back now i can see how far i was from marriage in my past relationships. caz theres no red flags here thank god! so far so good.

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