Post # 1
Since I joined WB, I have noticed a lot of posts from other bees who have been with their SO for a long time and do not have any promise of commitment for the future.
I am interested to know how many bees would stay with a man who would never marry them.
Post # 3
Personally, I would leave. I want a marriage commitment (not a wedding and a ring, although those are nice) from my other half.
It’s different when both people have no interest in marriage, though. Some people don’t want to be married, and that’s okay, but for those who want marriage, it’s really not fair to yourself to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t (and not fair of the other person to stay/not consider it/etc. when they know it’s what you want). Unfortunately, it has a tendency to breed resentment from the person who wants it.
Post # 4
I’d leave. I don’t care what SO’s reasons would be, IMO if he’s not willing to marry me it’s because he’s not really committed.
Obviously some people here have different views and that’s totally okay, but that mindset just doesn’t compute for me.
Post # 5
I’m wondering why anyone on a wedding website would even be here at all if they weren’t interested in marriage. ? Not sure your poll will get very unbiased or accurate real-world results.
Post # 6
@vorpalette: “Some people don’t want to be married, and that’s okay, but for those who want marriage, it’s really not fair to yourself to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t (and not fair of the other person to stay/not consider it/etc. when they know it’s what you want).”
This exactly. I’d leave because I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be married one day. I’ve always wanted that commitment and if a guy doesn’t want to give that to me, that’s fine. But he isn’t the right guy for me.
Post # 7
@Sunfire: I have seen too many posts on here about bees who have been with their SO for 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or 10 years, and they complain about how their SO has explicitly told them that marriage is not in the cards. Yet, these women stay with these men (personally, I would call them boys since they clearly aren’t wearing big boy pants if they can’t talk marriage). Thus, the poll was meant to get everyone talking about the bottom line: Is marriage really that important to you if you’re willing to stay with someone who will never propose?
Post # 8
I was floored when DH proposed. We had been together for 3 years and living together for 2, and I was friends (but not romantic) with him when he divorced from his first wife. I saw everything he went through in that divorce, and honestly expected him to never want to marry again. And that did not bother me. To be fair, I mihgt have been singing a different song 10 or 20 years down the road, but I knew I had his full commitment and his heart; I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. And our relationship has been so wonderful that, to me, it wasn’t worth walking away from the good thing we had just to take a chance that I could find someone equally wonderful who wanted to actually get married.
Like I said, I might have not been so cool with it a few years down the road but if you had asked me before he proposed, I would fully have expected that we’d be together for decades without marrying, and I had no intention of moving on.
Post # 9
It works for some people. Not for me. I was ok with waiting 6 years to marry hubs, but not with waiting that long for him to decide he even wanted to get married. I had to know pretty early that his relationship end game was marriage and babies. A few years after that, I needed to know that he saw that future with me, no matter how distant it was. After 4-5 years, I was ready (and 29-30, FFS) to get that show on the road. 🙂
My aunt dated my uncle (divoced with a kid my age he never sees) for 10 years – he said he didn’t want to get married again. Then he proposed, out of the blue.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
I love FI, and I would have stayed with him because I don’t want anyone else, I just want him. I don’t care if I have a fancy ring on my finger as long as I get to spend the rest of my days with the man I love.
Post # 11
Ain’t nobody got time for that!
I couldn’t be with someone that never wanted to marry. I need stability, and honestly, I would never feel secure or stable in a relationship where the man told me, “Okay, this is as good as it gets. I’ll be your boyfriend, but nothing else. But I want you to know, I love you deeply.”
Sorry, not buying it.
Marriage is important to me, and he should recognize that. And don’t give me that whole, “Oh I’ve been hurt before” crap. Everyone has their scars. You’re not special. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it rubs me the wrong way when I see people (men or women) being strung along for YEARS because of that line.
No. Just no.
Post # 12
for those of you saying you need stability, commitment etc etc all that jazz, how is a man staying with you for 12 years without marriage any less stable or committed?
sounds like it’s just a case of “I want to be able to say I’m married”.
Post # 13
@strawbs: Because if someone is truely that committed to me, they’d be willing to have that piece of paper because it is something that is important to me.
If they care that little about something that is very important to me, they really aren’t that committed, no matter how long they’ve been around.
Post # 14
@Torrid: LOL at your first line! Love it!
I personally would not stick around if I suspected I was being strung along, and I would not be in a relationship in the first place with someone who never wanted to get married. (Of course, this is my wise 28 year old self talking – I might not have been so insistent when I was 19).
Post # 15
@Mrs.KMM: but why is it important to you? how is marrying you more a commitment vs 12 years of his life with you anyway? is it just because it’s more difficult to break up?
Post # 16
@jellybeangreen246: 4 years was my timeline pretty much in all my past relationships but that’s just me i wish i knew what i know now. to know the real thing ; ) i would not have wasted so much of my time but you live and you learn lol and i have my son who i love more then anything its funny i was not looking to marry his father i knew it would never go there we had a baby and it was the best thing that ever happen to me. i just thank God i finally found my soul mate and best friend he loves me and my son. in the past all the “RED FLAGS” were there but i always made excuses instead of walking away. looking back now i can see how far i was from marriage in my past relationships. caz theres no red flags here thank god! so far so good.