Post # 16
On one hand, you are still quite young. On the other hand, 4.5 years is a good bit of time to be together with no commitment. It sounds like he might be a great guy but want different things and be at a different point in his life. And if you stick around with the feelings you have, you are most likely only going to grow bitter. If you feel yourself growing bitter, it’s time to go.
Post # 17
I hate to make this about things like gender and age, but unfortunately, very few 24 year old men are truly ready to commit to engagement/marriage. If you two have been together for 4.5 years, that means he was roughly 19 when you started dating. He is probably realizing now that he has not experienced single adult life and that is likely giving him pause. If he proposes as a result of feeling pressured, I foresee this issue coming up again down the line. A lot of guys feel if they haven’t “sowed their wild oats,” so to speak, that they have missed out on some essential experience of becoming an adult. I know this is hard to hear, and it might not necessarily be true for your boyfriend, but it is true of many men of his age who have been in relationships since their teen years.
I think the best option is for you to move out and move on, for now. Give him the opportunity to miss you and chase you. I really think that’s the only way to salvage this, if it’s possible.
This is one of the reasons why, when I reached my early-mid-twenties and was ready for commitment, I started to find men over 30 appealing. They were more likely to have already gotten all of that stuff out of their system.
Post # 18
Thank you everyone for your responses! I should have mentioned that the reason he isn’t ready to get married yet is because he is still in school and has about another 1-2 years left. That’s his reasoning which I understand but I don’t want to get married within 1-2 years. We need that time to save up and be better off financially. However his point of view is if we get engaged then the wedding would be right around the corner which is so not what would happen. I made sure to let him know that I believe in a long engagement.
To those who asked what would make the difference if I’m willing to wait so long to actually marry is the symbol of commitment an engagement ring would bring. I know he wants to be with me forever he has told me plenty of times on his own. However as much as I do believe him I feel that if he is serious about it what I’m asking for isn’t unreasonable.
I know nothing would really change in our day to day life if and when we get engaged but it would mean to me that our relationship really is going in that direction instead of us just talking about it.
Post # 19
He can feel not ready, but the fact that you have already made the commitment to move in, have pets together etc, why is he hesitating to make the decision? Seems to me you both love eachother very much so I’m just wondering if maybe he has something else planned? in the works? If you feel hes worth it-then wait. but a girl can only wait so long.
but if I was in your situation- I totally agree with the whole moving out aspect. Seems like he is trying to have his cake and eat it to. No commitment, but you are playing wife-good to him. Its just strange to me that he wouldn’t want to at least be engaged- you can have a long engagement!