(Closed) Opinions on should I stay or should I go

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

On one hand, you are still quite young. On the other hand, 4.5 years is a good bit of time to be together with no commitment. It sounds like he might be a great guy but want different things and be at a different point in his life. And if you stick around with the feelings you have, you are most likely only going to grow bitter. If you feel yourself growing bitter, it’s time to go.

 

Post # 17
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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keelybear09:  I hate to make this about things like gender and age, but unfortunately, very few 24 year old men are truly ready to commit to engagement/marriage. If you two have been together for 4.5 years, that means he was roughly 19 when you started dating. He is probably realizing now that he has not experienced single adult life and that is likely giving him pause. If he proposes as a result of feeling pressured, I foresee this issue coming up again down the line. A lot of guys feel if they haven’t “sowed their wild oats,” so to speak, that they have missed out on some essential experience of becoming an adult. I know this is hard to hear, and it might not necessarily be true for your boyfriend, but it is true of many men of his age who have been in relationships since their teen years.

I think the best option is for you to move out and move on, for now. Give him the opportunity to miss you and chase you. I really think that’s the only way to salvage this, if it’s possible.

This is one of the reasons why, when I reached my early-mid-twenties and was ready for commitment, I started to find men over 30 appealing. They were more likely to have already gotten all of that stuff out of their system.

Post # 19
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

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keelybear09:  He can feel not ready, but the fact that you have already made the commitment to move in, have pets together etc, why is he hesitating to make the decision? Seems to me you both love eachother very much so I’m just wondering if maybe he has something else planned? in the works? If you feel hes worth it-then wait. but a girl can only wait so long.

 

but if I was in your situation- I totally agree with the whole moving out aspect. Seems like he is trying to have his cake and eat it to. No commitment, but you are playing wife-good to him. Its just strange to me that he wouldn’t want to at least be engaged- you can have a long engagement!

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