(Closed) opinions on situation with a groomsmen..please, i’m frustrated :(

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, I’d just do nothing for right now. You don’t need to order tuxes this soon so I’d just see how he does. My guess is that if he really gets that much worse your Fiance will eventually agree to give him the boot or he’ll drop out on his own. You could give him a deadline for doing something like giving you his shoe size or getting measured and when he misses that deadline explain that it was a concrete deadline and you’ll have to move forward without him.

Post # 4
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with eeh2010 to just do nothing.  You have almost 9 months til your wedding.  Since we are immersed in wedding details all the time, it can be hard to take a step back and realize that even for the people who are most important to us, the wedding is just one day, and it isn’t their main focus 9 months out.  If he accepted your FI’s request to be a groomsman than he probably wants to be one.  Most guys aren’t people pleasers like a lot of us ladies are, and if he didn’t want to do it, he probably would have bowed out.

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

“On top of it all, out of the past 3 weddings he’s been in one he showed up late to, one he got completely drunk at, and the last one he left before all of the wedding party pictures were even done being taken.”

Out of your whole post, this is the only thing I think I’d be concerned with.  History says, he doesn’t take being a Groomsmen seriously.  Showing up late is not OK.  (Did he miss the ceremony?)  Leaving before pictures?  How did this even happen?  Did ppl say, “Hey don’t leave..”  and he said “*&#! you!” Getting drunk?  Ehh, it depends on how drunk and what he did.

As for the other parties, I don’t know.  Not everyone has engagement parties.  And a get together for the Bridal Party sounds geat, but I don’t think it’s fair to try to tie someone down to a meet and greet, if they just aren’t interested in becoming friends with everyone.  (If there are other people he wants to see, he’s not required to spend several evenings with people simply because they are in your wedding.  It doesn’t mean they won’t get along at the wedding.) 

There are certain responsibilities that go along with being a Groomsmen.  But I’m not sure how many social gatherings that should include, particularly for guys.  They’re just not wired to be into doing all kinds of wedding related activities.

Post # 7
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

if he has a history of being an irresponsible Groomsmen then am honestly wondering why your Fiance still chose him to be a Groomsmen.. i can understand that they are friends but ultimately u want to choose ppl that will do their duties and not cause you more stress…  personally if i could i would like to replace him since u have enough time to do so.. otherwise u jus have to accept that he is the type to be mildly unreliable and just deal with him

Post # 8
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that you should kind of take a backseat since this really is your FI’s call–it’s his friend, afterall.


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