Post # 1
okay ladies.. I love the fact that my Fiance is laid back most of the time but there’s a situation with a groomsmen and i hate how laid back he’s being right now!
One of his groomsmen did not show up for the engagement party (or send a card, or even ask how it went) he did have work, but every other member of the wedding party managed to atleast show up (besides one other groomsmen who was leaving the country for 2 weeks the next day)
it has been hard to get a hold of him in general and now i’m starting to wonder if he really wants to be in the wedding. My one bridesmaid is hosting a get together at her house in 2 weeks, (for everyone to get better acquainted) it was planned almost a month ahead of time and this groomsmen was the first to be notified. He didn’t even ask what time it was at before he said he worked on thursdays. So tonight i found out that 4 our of the last 8 thursdays he’s either taken mini vacations or been at concerts/ other outings. On top of it all, out of the past 3 weddings he’s been in one he showed up late to, one he got completely drunk at, and the last one he left before all of the wedding party pictures were even done being taken.
Fiance keeps saying he’s a good friend and he won’t do any of this to him, and brushing it off. I know he doesn’t want to think he’d do anything like this on our day but he’s done it before and isn’t participating in anything for the wedding
PLEASE tell me what you guys think because i know our wedding is 8 1/2 months away but i’m seriously worried. I’d much rather find out he didn’t want to be in it now, then have something happen on our wedding day.
Post # 3
Honestly, I’d just do nothing for right now. You don’t need to order tuxes this soon so I’d just see how he does. My guess is that if he really gets that much worse your Fiance will eventually agree to give him the boot or he’ll drop out on his own. You could give him a deadline for doing something like giving you his shoe size or getting measured and when he misses that deadline explain that it was a concrete deadline and you’ll have to move forward without him.
Post # 4
I agree with eeh2010 to just do nothing. You have almost 9 months til your wedding. Since we are immersed in wedding details all the time, it can be hard to take a step back and realize that even for the people who are most important to us, the wedding is just one day, and it isn’t their main focus 9 months out. If he accepted your FI’s request to be a groomsman than he probably wants to be one. Most guys aren’t people pleasers like a lot of us ladies are, and if he didn’t want to do it, he probably would have bowed out.
Post # 5
“On top of it all, out of the past 3 weddings he’s been in one he showed up late to, one he got completely drunk at, and the last one he left before all of the wedding party pictures were even done being taken.”
Out of your whole post, this is the only thing I think I’d be concerned with. History says, he doesn’t take being a Groomsmen seriously. Showing up late is not OK. (Did he miss the ceremony?) Leaving before pictures? How did this even happen? Did ppl say, “Hey don’t leave..” and he said “*&#! you!” Getting drunk? Ehh, it depends on how drunk and what he did.
As for the other parties, I don’t know. Not everyone has engagement parties. And a get together for the Bridal Party sounds geat, but I don’t think it’s fair to try to tie someone down to a meet and greet, if they just aren’t interested in becoming friends with everyone. (If there are other people he wants to see, he’s not required to spend several evenings with people simply because they are in your wedding. It doesn’t mean they won’t get along at the wedding.)
There are certain responsibilities that go along with being a Groomsmen. But I’m not sure how many social gatherings that should include, particularly for guys. They’re just not wired to be into doing all kinds of wedding related activities.
Post # 6
thank you for being honest ladies.
@tanya123 – he showed up late and was the only Groomsmen not in the video with all of the others getting ready. the wedding where he left during pictures, he saw an old girlfriend there and was already drunk. and the wedding where he got completely trashed, he was just drinking the whole time, not in any of the reception photos or any with the bride and groom besides the ones from earlier that day
I know they shouldn’t be expected to attend multiple events but he hasn’t come to anything for the wedding yet and he’s also friends with all of the groomsmen, very good friends with 2 so i don’t see why he wouldn’t want to come unless he really doesn’t want to be in the wedding.
i know i may be overreacting, it’s just that the other members of the wedding party and actually trying and want to be involved and this will be the 2nd thing he’s not even going to show his face at…
Post # 7
if he has a history of being an irresponsible Groomsmen then am honestly wondering why your Fiance still chose him to be a Groomsmen.. i can understand that they are friends but ultimately u want to choose ppl that will do their duties and not cause you more stress… personally if i could i would like to replace him since u have enough time to do so.. otherwise u jus have to accept that he is the type to be mildly unreliable and just deal with him
Post # 8
I think that you should kind of take a backseat since this really is your FI’s call–it’s his friend, afterall.