Opinions on Thank You Cards?

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is she being rude?
    Yes : (37 votes)
    95 %
    No : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee

    I mean, I always feel weird when I receive thank you cards. They are usually from peopel I am good friends with and have seen in the intervening time several times so it feels oddly formal. 

    My sense of the “state of the etiquite” is that you are expected to send a thank you to people who give you presents, but not necessarily to people who attend the wedding. (And when you think about it logically, it isn’t obvoius why you should— as a guest you spend money to come, but as a host you spend money to host. Why should the host send a thank you to the guest for the former, but the guest not send a thank you to the host for the latter?)

    Post # 4
    Member
    7273 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    idontevenknow :  thank you notes are only needed for the gift because the reception IS the thank you for attending the ceremony. Your friend needs to get her shit together and write out thank yous for all the gifts she received like….yesterday. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    6664 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    idontevenknow :  This woman sounds really rude. Why would she even say something like that to you? Everyone that gave a gift should be sent a thank you card. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2897 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    idontevenknow :  We did things a bit untraditional, so we did not want gifts but of course people still brought cash, or wine, or random gifts that they chose and we made a point to send a Thank You card to everyone who brought anything, and anyone who traveled for our special day. 

    I think your friend is really rude, she should be sending a thank you card to each person who brought her a gift. Her attitude really, really sucks here.

    Post # 8
    Member
    968 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m not sure what she means by “proper”? Like if it wasnt enough she wont send a thank you? Or is she just sending a thank you for those who gave a gift?

    The later is okay. I dont see anything wrong with sending a thank you to those who just attended as well, but for some reason .its “gift grabby” around here. 

    But if shes only sending a thank you for people who gifted a certain amount of money or something, that’s just plain rude.

    Post # 9
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    idontevenknow :  SO RUDE.

    I am a huge stickler for thank you cards being sent appropriately. They should be sent in an adequate amount of time, be personalized, hand written and not be combined with any other card or annoucement of sort.

    To have such a huge time prior to sending and selectively sending thank you cards is unimaginably rude In My Humble Opinion. I would be hugely offended at her actions and statement.

    Regardless of if a guest gets you a gift or not, you should send them a thank you for attending your wedding. You may not know what lengths they went to, to attend your wedding or what their situation is, but they still made the effort to be a part of a special day you will never forget. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    ‘Proper present????’ What? 

    Everyone who gave a gift should receive a timely thank you card! 

    I got married in August and had a Destination Wedding. I gave everyone who attended the Destination Wedding a thank you card (present or no present) as although we fully hosted a wedding, the guests travelled and used personal holiday time to be with us. Most spent 3-4 days with us.  We ensured that if they did also give a present, that we referenced the gift in the card eg ‘thanks for the…..’

    We also had a reception here in the UK for those who didn’t/couldn’t attend the Destination Wedding. We gave a thank you to all of those who brought a gift. We didn’t however send a thank you to those who attended but didn’t give a gift. My rational was the same as a PP. We hosted the reception so the thank you was specifically for the gift. 

    For the ladies who attended my hen, they all received goody bags and a thank you card for attending. I didn’t host this. They all spent time and money in attending and planning. 

    My work colleagues didn’t attend (they were invited but would have had to travel) but they got me a collective gift. In the next meeting I gave each of them a thank you card. They all opened it and at the end of the meeting, 4/10 of them left the card on the table and left! Haha. 

    My point is I am aware of etiquette but there are times when an additional thank you is warranted and sometimes people just lack bloody manners! 

    Your friend is so wrong! A gift is a gift and you should have received a thank you! People underestimate how much a simple ‘thank you’ means! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee

    idontevenknow :  she seems very rude but I will say that i only receive thank you cards from about 50% of the weddings I attend despite giving $200+ gifts from the registry. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4702 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Darling Husband isn’t sending thank yous to people he sees frequently. I think it’s super rude but I’m not up for writing every single one. I’m writing to everyone, gift or no gift, because yeah, attending is a big deal and costs money.

    Post # 14
    Member
    13474 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Every gift requires a thank you card.  This isn’t a “modern” thing – it’s a basic politeness thing.  Your friend is rude, and her attitude is tacky.

    Post # 15
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I think £100 is rahter a lot for a present. I really don’t tend to do that much unless it is very close family or friend and even then to be honest I think it’s quite extravagant! Plus the £450 you have already spent. 

    Her attitude is vile! 

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