(Closed) opinions on wedding registries

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@aggie2010:  It does, and we won’t be having those at our wedding. Guests should not bring a gift to the wedding anyway; they should mail it to the bride’s house ahead of time.

Post # 18
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

@Apratt:  I like the idea of a registry.  That way you don’t receive four toasters, ten blenders, etc.  Your father is correct though, about the guests and having it be an honor for them to be there.  Etiquette does dictate that a guest does not have to bring a gift.  Most want to , though.  Some people may not want to go from the registry, but it does give a guest some direction if they wish to buy you something tangible. 

I threw a baby shower for my minister’s wife last year, and the majority of the guests were elderly.  A LOT of them went off the registry, even though they knew where it was at.  It is just their way.  My rule is: if they have one, use it!  It helps me out, and they are getting something they really want.

Post # 19
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

@Apratt: OK… Little registry rant here… We removed our registry because of the bees TEARING brides apart… Stating that they shouldn’t dictate a gift, as a gift should be a thoughtful gesture that is decided based solely on the “gift givers” end. Ohhh, and look up the threads on honeymoon registries. Some of them get UGLY. These women insist that “if you don’t do a registry at all, people will get the hint and still give you cash”.

Fiance and I eventually began to tak this opinion ourselves, and figured all of these women could not be wrong. We began to feel a little guilty having any registry at all. We decided we really were only doing a registry based on traditional wedding obligations… That we didn’t want/need much, could more than afford our wedding and felt pretty bad “asking” for gifts.

Wellllll, we have gotten BACKLASH from several people, annoyed that we don’t have one.

We have been asked several times, “well, what do you need?!”. Some have even joked that since there’s “no registry, you want must cash then!”… Uhhh… Talk about being totally mortified trying to explain that is not the case. We don’t “need” anything, and we certainly aren’t asking for cash. So our reply has simply been, “We honestly just want you there, and we dont feel comfortable dictating something that’s supposed to be a gift.”. When they are insistent, we simply tell them to use their judgement in giving us something thoughtful.

After my experience with this, I absolutely feel that we could have made it easier on so many people by just having a registry. I feel like not have one has been rude and inconsiderate, because it’s made gift giving hard for those who obviously don’t want to just hand us cash. That is one regret I will have. I’m upset with myself for listening to the “Ettiquette Experts” on here, and allowing it to change that single detail. Seriously, what worked 50 years ago, just doesn’t work today.

Post # 21
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

I don’t like the idea of registries, from an etiquette standpoint, but I think they’re a necessary evil.

I’d just offer the following guidelines:

– absolutely no mention of registries on the invitation

– do not ask for cash

– Stick with at least some traditional-style items like housewares and linens, but you can always add things like tents and outdoors stuff. But have the traditional stuff on there too

– Go with 2-3 stores, and register for things at a number of price points.

– tread lightly with non-traditional registries like honeyfunds. To many people, they’re right up there with asking for cash so if you’re somewhere pretty traditional, then I’d steer clear.

Post # 22
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Apratt:  I think it depends on your cultural background and the expectation of your guests.  For my guests, registries are a convenience, but you shouldn’t push them on people because a gift is not required.

Post # 23
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@NauticalDisaster:  You know, that’s a really good point. I don’t really have “issues” with a honeyfund or anything like that, but I know that it’s generally not “accepted.”

But when you explain it that way (as an “evolution” thing), I think it totally makes sense. It’s like 6 of one, half a dozen of another.

If this is the case for you and your SO (you have the necessary home items, but would like money towards a vacation/house), I would just not register anywhere. I wouldn’t put the “honeyfund/travel fund” thing “out there” but I would think that if there was no registry, people would just give you money anyway.

 

Post # 24
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@Soon2bmarried123:  Yep!

The second we got engaged I had multiple family members asking if I was having a shower and where we were registering. In our area, it is absolutely expected that you register for houseware/kitchenware items. It worked out for us because that’s what we wanted, but if we hadn’t registered everyone would have thought it was a thinly-veiled cash grab.

Post # 25
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Apratt:  We haven’t even sent out our save the dates yet and family/friends have been asking where we’re registered – I don’t view having a registry as ‘grabby’ at all! You’re not FORCING people to look at your registry, it’s simply there as a helpful tool should they wish to use it. It also saves us from having to answer insistent questions such as, ‘what would you like though?!’

I, for instance, already own a home and as such have many common ‘items’. I wouldn’t want guests (should they choose to gift us with something) to spend money on things we’ve already got. This way, my boo-thang 😉 and I can give an idea of the sorts of things we’d love to recieve. No one is twisting their arm about gifts… no mention of it on our mailings. However, for those guests that would like to know about registry info, we are using an insert in our invites to send people to the wedding website, and there is a tab on the site for where we’re registered. To each their own, but it’s already saved us from having to answer a lot of repeat questions!!

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