Post # 1
Ok so “the talk” came up last night. After 3 very bad days I couldn’t contain myself anymore. He said if I didn’t bring it up he was going to. Tell me what you guys think…..He said he wants to ask me to marry him but won’t set a date because he feels too pressured and isn’t ready. He promised our engagement WOULDN’T be any longer than 5yrs. When I asked his reasons he said primarily financial was a big one but that he just wasn’t ready to commit to a date because he simply was not ready and felt I was giving him an ultimatum.What does this mean ladies? I can’t help but feel hurt at that. My parents always said “without time there is NO commitment”. Opinions please!!
Post # 3
I think that if he’s not ready to get married, then you shouldn’t be getting engaged. You ask someone to marry you because you’re ready to marry them, it’s as simple as that. Unfortunately I know this isn’t what you want to hear 🙁 Honestly, I wouldn’t say yes to marrying him until he’s ready to set a date with you.
Post # 4
How long were you 2 together? There’s a difference between “giving him the ultimatum” after say…5 years of bf/gf relationship versus just a few months.
Post # 5
I think it honestly depends on a lot of things. How long have the two of you been together? What point in your life are you at?
If he’s not ready, I wouldn’t force him. But I would tell him that talking about this is important to you, and that you’re willing to wait for him if he’s ready to keep you updated more often.
Post # 6
Personally, I think you need to give him his time. My Fiance wasn’t ready as soon as I was, and we had pretty much the same conversation. I was annoyed because hello, I was ready, but in the end I realized that I didn’t want to force him into anything. I didn’t want him to resent me in any way, and also, I wanted both of us to be happy. Getting married is exciting and thrilling, and it should feel that way to both of you. You don’t want him to feel trapped or pressured, that’s not the way to get your marriage started. I think it wasn’t fair of him to put a time limit on it because that gives you a sort of “deadline” for him to live up to. My Fiance told me “It’s not if it happens, it’s when it happens”. That really put my mind at ease, and I think your guy is saying the same thing. Just take a deep breath and remember that when it does happen, you’ll both be excited and ready!
Post # 7
If hes not ready then you shouldnt be getting engaged… period (I know you dont want to hear that). I personally think you should give him his space. I know waiting is hard believe me.. but no need to be engaged for 3 years or something.. its not much different then being his serious girlfriend except for the ring if you have no date.
Post # 8
I agree with both OttawaBride2011 and Hazel920. You definitely need to think about how long you’ve already been together. But OttawaBride2011 is right. You shouldn’t be getting engaged if he’s not ready to set a date. You just don’t ask unless you’re ready. I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but unfortunately that’s the reality of the situation.
Post # 9
I go back and forth with this. I definetly DON’T want to pressure him but at the same time bees, I’ve been living with this man for 2.5yrs. and HE’S HAD THE RING FOR 2YRS. Either you want to marry me or you don’t. I’m struggling with are his reasons for not wanting to set a date concrete ones or are they BS excuses? I know he is terrified of being divorced again. He was with his first wife for 20yrs. and she was the first and only til I came along. She cheated on him and took him for everything. AT SOME POINT he has to stop using this as an excuse not to commit. He’s gonna propose soon I’m not really sure how I feel about saying yes and not being able to plan our wedding for 5yrs.!
Post # 10
So you’re already engaged but haven’t set a date yet? I’m sorry, I agree with OttowaBride in that case, if he can’t set a date now that he’s said he wants to marry you then I don’t believe you should be engaged. Asking someone to marry you means that you’re ready to make that step.
On the other hand, if you’re waiting for him to still propose you need to give him time. Pressuring him into giving you a ring could lead to resentment from him later. I was ready long before FH was ready to get engaged. And I tried to force his hand once or twice. He kept saying that the more I forced him the longer I’d be waiting and that he did want to marry me but he still had things to talk about. Like bakerella said, it was not an “if” it was a “when”.
Post # 11
I think you only have two options
1. make peace with the fact that he is simply not ready, despite having rushed into things early on. You will have to be happy being his girlfriend, not knowing but hoping, an engagement comes in the next 2 years
2. decide that you are not ok to wait another 2 years for him to decide, because you think he might not ever be ready. You were on your own before you moved in with him, you can make it work again. Don’t use that as an excuse.
only you know what makes the most sense. Can you really be ok with staying with him as his Girlfriend knowing that he might never be ready to propose? Would you rather move on and find someone who is willing to commit? Pressuring him is not a great idea – you don’t want him to marry you under that scenario!
Post # 12
I think he was hinting at he WANTS to propose VERY soon like in a month or two (I’m thinking St. Patty’s day) and WON’T ask me if I’m going to set a date within 2-3yrs. He will ONLY ask if I don’t set a time limit on the actual wedding. He said it won’t be more than 5yrs. that we’re married. So I guess the question really is……will I be happy being engaged for 5yrs.? He said if I let him basically “run the ship” with the time thing we might even be married in 2-3yrs. He doesn’t want me controlling WHEN we’re gonna actually walk down the isle because this pressures and SCARES THE HELL outta him. Commitment Phobe LOL!!
Post # 13
I think you need to give him time too. If he isn’t ready for marriage, then he isn’t ready and there isn’t anything you can do to make him ready. If you really can’t wait anymore, you might need to consider taking a step back from the relationship.
Post # 14
I am so sorry you are going through this. Does he really want to get married again or does he just not want to lose you? Sometimes when people are scorned they don’t have any intention of getting married yet. You don’t want to pressure into proposing. He shouldn’t propose until he is ready to get married. A proposal is asking someone to get married not asking someone to hang around and wait until you are ready to get married.
You need to decide what is best for you. Are you okay with being with this guy for the rest of your life even if you never get married? I know you want to marry him but if he never wants to is this okay with you?
I hope you don’t take this post as being harsh. I wish you the best and hope that everything works out the way it should.
Post # 15
I think for him to ask you to be engaged for 5 years is quite a long time. Ultimately you need to decide if you can handle that.
Post # 16
I know right?? 5yrs. is a long time to ask someone to be engaged to them. I agree with all the comments that say he shouldn’t ask unless he wants to really marry me. He said last night that he really wants to give me the ring and that he’s excited to give it to me. I am too,however,it is eating at me that I won’t be able to plan a wedding in a “normal” time frame.