(Closed) Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?

posted 14 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 62
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i love the idea of DWs!! 

several friends and cousins have been married in hawaii, maui and oahu over the years, a cousin eloped & got married in boracay then came back and had a huge bbq afterwards, another cousin of mine got married in an old castle in ireland about 7 years ago…  i wasnt able to go to ireland b/c of time off from work but wasnt put off or offended – i just couldnt go, so big deal (shrugging)… i bought a gift and mailed it. 

when we first got engaged, we didnt tell anyone for months b/c we wanted to languish in the joy ourselves w/o the barrage of annoying questions (oooh how did he propose? who’s gonna be in the BP?? where/when are you guys going to tie the knot?? do you have a dress yet?? etc) 

after a few months, we told our friends and fam, then started thinking (obviously) of the when and the where…  i had always pushed for a ceremony and celebration in hawaii, whereas fh wanted a huge local wedding with all the things that come with a huge wedding…

our family and friends would have had no problem traveling, they’d have to travel to california anyway from asia, australia, dhubai, london, canada and about 7 different states, ny and nj being the farthest ones… so for alot of our guests, even california is a "destination" wedding…

but the issue that swayed the vote to stay local was b/c of his grandmother’s condition – she recently had a stroke and now cannot walk on her own, and flying from los angeles to hawaii would not be easy for her…

then life happened and fh got laid off, so we pushed the church wedding out further…  then we ran into another challenge with the church taking longer for the annulment than we thought.

so, after much consideration, we decided to postpone our local church wedding.  however, we didnt want to delay being married (isnt this what a wedding symbolizes in the first place??), so on what wouldve been our orig honeymoon in august, fh and i are going to hawaii and getting married, just the 2 of us – nobody knows – they all think we’re just going to get married in 2009.  then on our one year anniv, we will have the huge church wedding and reception (350+ ppl)

not to offend ppl who dont like dws, but what’s the big deal?? it’s not about you as a guest or being inconvenienced (time off, money spent etc) get over that thought.. yes you would like to celebrate along with the couple, but if they want to go away and take their vows, it’s not up to us as guests now is it?? 

in fact, it was i who was offended when my aunt said to me "Oh dont forget to invite so and so (i’m like WHO???) she went on to babble "Oh this is great – it will be like a family reunion!! oh yeah and your wedding of course!"  WHAT?? dont use my wedding day as a day when i am told who to invite so the entire family (some of whom i dont know or wish i didnt know) can show up, eat food for free, and tell me "I havent seen you since you were 12 – and now you’re a woman!!" ick!  this is selfish on the family’s part

couples who choose to have a dw shouldnt be thought of as "selfish" or "inconsiderate" of family’s and guest’s finances – if you, as a guest, cannot swing it, then dont go – it’s that simple…i was bummed about not being able to go to ireland, but since then my cousin and i have spent many lazy afternoons hangin out and several holidays with our families – it’s just the wedding day – there are many days, months and years after.  

overthinking and overanalyzing "how can i swing it to go?" or "hmmm well, if i just charge everything" you’re just gonna drive yourself crazy and making a simple situation harder than it is really…

for us, luckily we’ve turned the lemons of fh getting laid off (now working again TG) and church’s timing on the annulment into lemonade, now we both get what we want, i get the gorgeous dw in hawaii for just the 2 of us, and the huge church wedding for fh and to appease our family and friends…



Post # 63
31 posts
  • Wedding: August 2008

i have been to 2 destination weddings (as in the locale was neither the bride’s nor the groom’s home town/state. i had so much fun at both. however, i will say that it was not easy for either me or my fiance to coordinate traveling. we’re both students, so both involved us having to miss classes because of them. we also incurred considerable costs in getting there. now i will say, to me, both were completely worth it…thye brides are 2 of my close friends and i would have never considered not going.

on the flip side, most people have to travel to attend weddings these days (over half of our guest list will be flying just to attend). so, for them. they may consider it ‘destination.’ it all depends on what you, your fh, and families want! 

Post # 64
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you just have to remember that people who have to travel a significant distance and lay out a significant amount of money to go to a wedding are likely to make the effort if they are immediate family, close friends, or you have managed to choose a convenient time of year and a place they would like to visit.  My sister’s wedding was a destination wedding for most of our family (although not for her), in Santa Fe the weekend after Thanksgiving.  Because most of our cousins are a little older than we are, so that their kids are old enough to be left at home, and also because they mostly farm, and so don’t have a lot going on that time of year, they were quite happy to fly to Santa Fe.  I think that she would have gotten a much smaller crowd in Hawaii – because they’ve all already been to Hawaii.  They hadn’t been to Santa Fe.

Like Anti-Zilla, it just wasn’t an option for us to have a Destination Wedding and have family able to be there.  We would have loved to get married at Timberline Lodge (at Mt. Hood) and actually talked a lot about it.  But at the time FI’s dad was also in a wheelchair, and his health was too fragile to travel that far.  We had concluded our wedding would be Destination Wedding for us – as we would have to go to the town where his parents live in order to have them present!  Unfortunately his father passed away – which does leave us able to get married in the town where we live, as his mother can make it here just fine.  (We could still get Mt. Hood, if we wanted to wait another year – but we don’t want it that badly.)  And actually I think that the much larger number of family and friends that we can afford to host here in town, and who can more easily afford to attend here in town, more than makes up for the loss of Mt. Hood.  After all, we go there every year anyway.  We are already saying that in 5 or 10 years we will go on our anniversary, invite a bunch of friends, and renew our vows.

Post # 65
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I totally agree with Amy. If you plan to have a destination wedding you have to first accept the very real fact that many people who you love and whom love you will not be able to attend. If you are ok with that than you should be fine!

FH & I decided to have a destination wedding because he’s from the UK and I’m from the US and we thought it was the only fair thing to do. More importantly neither one of us wanted the traditional wedding. We both wanted an affordable, beautiful beach wedding so that’s why we choose the DR. 

Oh and one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of destination brides are doing having an AHR (at home reception) like us. I think this really smooth’s things over with the family that can’t attend the wedding. I’ve seen brides go all out and have a traditional wedding reception while others have a bbq or just a nice party! It’s pretty amazing how much more affordable things are when you take the wedding label off of it lol FH and I are having a beach themed part when we return to celebrate with everyone that couldn’t make it!

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