Post # 1
Sorry Bee’s I seem to use this website to vent everything that is bothering and once again I find myself wanting to shake someone and ask them why they feel the need to be so intrusive. The situation: I have a long time friend who literally sees being in a wedding party or not as a way of rating her friendships. Example she was not in the wedding party for one of her good friends weddings. The bride explained to her that yes she is one of her best friends but they wanted to keep the bridal party small and even numbers on both sides but she is still ticked that she was not in the party and took it as a slap in the face. She no longer talks to said friend and outright says her friend clearly didn’t value her friendship as much as she did. I, myself am not planning on putting this girl in my wedding party but am dreading her retaliation. I have not announced my wedding party yet and tried to explain to her that larger wedding parties are expensive, harder to coordinate, and not necesscarily what everyone wants. That sometimes its better to just be a guest and it by no means determines the value of the relationship between you and the bride. I even tried suggesting it as a compliment that the bride feels secure in the friendship she has with her that they don’t feel something like being or not being in a wedding party would change the relationship. She disagreed and told me if she had 6 best friends and her husband to be had only 2 than it would be an uneven wedding party cause she would never cut a friend. (I’ll mention now this girl has never had a long term relationship or been close to engagement) Moving on what really miffed me today had to do with dates. I told her my Fiance and I were thinking of doing New Years Eve 2011. She bluntly told me that was extremely rude and selfish of us. That we would be ruining everyones night because they would feel obligated to come to our wedding and couldn’t do what they wanted and it was just as bad as when people but their weddings on long weekends. I know now I should have just said if thats how you feel your not obligated to come and I won’t be upset either cause I don’t want to impose on your evening. But seriously??? Where does she get off?? I even tried to be diplomatic and told her I was not to hot on the idea when it was first presented but people never know what to do for New Years anymore they are always looking for something fun to do and what would be the difference if I was hosting a New Years Eve party versus wedding you’d still have to decide if you wanted to come or not. Her response hurt even more. She said ya and suppose your marriage does not last New Years would be ruined for you for the rest of your life. My Fiance proposed on New Years and I said well guess what its already ruined if he left me cause he proposed on New Years so whatever and I politely hung up. Bees I don’t know when my friend got so opiniated and I’m completely frustrated over her. Ok vent done sorry it ws sooo long
Post # 3
@Cindy82: ohh what a “friend” who actually says that to someone. Im sorry that you have to hear that or deal with her. Honestly, this might not be the best info, but since she isnt in the wedding and acting failry negative towards your choices, maybe it would be best to distance yourself from her or alteast not talk wedding with her. (??)
Post # 4
Paragraphs would be good, this is really hard to read…
Post # 5
I didn’t have a hard time reading this. I will say, though, that I think maybe your friendship with this girl needs to be kept at arms length. Sounds like she keeps score a bit too much and isn’t afraid of hurting people with the things she says.
Post # 6
If she “breaks up” with you over not being in the wedding party, consider yourself lucky.
Post # 7
Okay first of all, don’t ask this girl to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if you were even remotely considering it at all. She will make your wedding planning a living hell. Second, don’t talk to her about the wedding at all. Change the subject and give vague answers. It sounds like she’s being a real stick in the mud about your wedding and in my opinion she almost doesn’t deserve to be on the ‘inside’.
And you don’t need to explain anything to her about the Bridesmaid or Best Man situation. If she asks, then tell her you wanted to keep the party small, don’t say anything about doing her a favor or picking only your best friends or whatever. Just say you wanted a small bridal party, but you are excited to have her share your special day with you since she is such a good friend.
Good luck and sorry you are dealing with this..
Post # 8
sounds like a terrible friend and like she’s the selfish one. i’ve been to new year’s even weddings and they are fine! it’s a fun way to celebrate the new year.
Post # 9
Those are some pretty obnoxious things for her to say! 🙁 Try not to take it to heart TOO much. I’ve found that people who have been super opinionated to me are the ones who don’t really know what they’re talking, and I therefore should not take the hurtful things they say too seriously. As for putting her in the wedding party…I say don’t do it. If she gets mad about it, that sucks, but you wouldn’t be the one in the wrong.
I disagree with her about a NYE wedding. I think it would be so fun to celebrate NYE with a close friend getting married! And for people who value New Year’s more than your wedding, well, maybe you don’t want them there!
Post # 10
she sounds so bitter. Sorry you’re going thru this. Just limit your details with her in the future, she doesn’t sound likes capable of being happy for anyone else.
Post # 11
I’m proud of myself today. The above friend called and wanted some help with picking snowpants. Anyways I agreed to cause I needed to get out of the house. When we were out she went on and on about this wedding she is in. She kept telling me how the bride has told everyone to get knee length dresses in black any cut they want but have to be knee length and how she told the bride that was dumb cause not everyone looks good in knee length and everyones body is different. blah blah blah. For the first time I was able to laugh it off. I’m glad she is not my problem I know that sounds mean. Secondly I did not mention my wedding once. I didn’t even bring it up instead I stayed neutral and just suggested it would look weird if she had a just below the butt dress and everyone else was knee length, she’d look like a hussy. LMAO
Post # 12
Any friend worth her salt will not be mad if she’s not invited to be a bridesmaid. Hurt a little perhaps, maybe disappointed, but she should be excited to help in any way she can.
ESPECIALLY if you have a small wedding party. Don’t pick her, she sounds like a giant pain. You don’t need Bridesmaid or Best Man stress in your wedding. Pick your friends who sooth you, not aggravate!
Post # 13
Ugh. I loathe people who “rate” their friends based on stupid things like this. Does she seriously think all her friends have to ask her to be in their wedding party for them to be true friends? I’ve never been a bridesmaid. Darn, guess all my so-called friends who are married really hate me.
I don’t know why someone would get up in arms about a NYE wedding either. It’s not like getting married on Christmas Day when most people would likely rather spend it at home with their families. NYE is by nature a party evening, and if you spend it at a wedding, you get twice the celebration in one awesome event! So unless your charmer friend is needed to report on TV as the ball drops, you’re not taking anything away from her.
Post # 14
All I can say is DO NOT ask her to be a bridesmaid. Otherwise you’ll be writing another post in a while saying “how can i un-ask this ‘friend’ as a bridesmaid?” been there, done that. Your “friend” sounds familiar. Perhaps she’s envious of what you have. She may not get that being in a wedding party is not about a ranking or a title, it’s about being a supportive and true friend. I would not put any weight on her opinion. If you have your wedding another day, she’ll have issues with that too. Do what you want without worrying about her. I wouldn’t even tell her about anything you are planning.
But this is coming from me. I had to un ask a lifelong friend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man due to a lot of drama(refused to pick and purchase a dress after months of knowing the deadline). After she did the same things to another friend when she was supposed to be MOH(she didnt have any kind of Bridesmaid or Best Man dress 4 days before the wedding) I called her out on her issues. Then found out she actually hates my guts and hasn’t been my friend for a long time but she had expected to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I wish I could take back all the tears I cried debating about whether or not to un ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because it wasn’t worth it.
But that’s my story. 🙂 a new year’s wedding will be fun!
Post # 15
Wow, that lady sounds like a giant pain! Who is she to decide on the day of your wedding?! If it works for you and your Fiance, that’s pretty much all you need! If she wants to come, great. If she has beeter things to do on NYE, forget about her and enjoy your new beginnings!