- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
There’s not really a question here or a problem to be solved. I just wanted to put my feelings out there and see if others could relate. Maybe hear how you handle it.
I have an extended family that I’m very close with. Really, it’s like one huge immediate family–especially since I was an only child. My cousins are pretty much my siblings, my aunts/uncles/grandparents were just extra sets of parents.
I moved across the country to go to college. It was hard and I missed them. Now I’ve stayed on the same coast (opposite coast from family) but am in a different city with my husband of several months. Because it’s not my collegtown and not my hometown I feel very lonely. I have coworker friends but it’s superficial and I don’t see it getting deeper since I’m 1) leaving soon and 2) they’re not the personaiity types that I like to be friends with. So, I’m very lonely. Most times I’m okay and having blast with my best friend/husband but if he gets in a foul mood or is acting like a jerk I feel a double dose of pain: loss of Boyfriend or Best Friend, loss of husband. I just get very lonely for my family.
We’ll be moving again soon. Same WRONG coast, different city. In fact, it will be the same city as his family. But despite having a small nuclear family they are not close AT ALL. He doesn’t get the longing for family, he doesn’t really understand it. I’m pretty sure that in the time we’ll be in the same city as them we’ll see them probably only once every 6 months or something, if even that. Right now they live 2 hours away and the last time I saw them was 7 months ago. I literally saw them for 5 minutes. I drove there to pick up my husband and none of them took time off from work/school/social events in the middle of a Saturday to say hello (This is not unusual for them, they’re never there when I go visit them. No such thing as a family dinner/outing or taking time off from anything to spend time with us.)–I actually only saw 1 of the 2 siblings. Meanwhile we flew to be with my family for the holidays and they took several vacations with us.
I guess I’m just sad that we get to be near his family and it means nothing. Meanwhile I would do just about anything to be close to mine. For our current life plan it is not feasible to return to my family’s coast, so that’s not a possibility. I’m just sad and lonely and trying to cope. I can try to make new friends in the new city but it’s difficult to develop meaningful relationships in short spans of time; I don’t just want a shopping/gossip/chatting buddy.