Post # 1
I know there is a lot of sensitivity about weight and size. So my question is sort of the opposite of comments about being fat. I tend to yoyo a lot, not by choice. Stress does a number on my body and I can literally balloon in a little over a week. I get really irritated when anyone tells me I’m crazy for thinking I’m fat. I know she means means well, but when people tell me I’m not fat, it actually bothers me more than comments about me being fat. I actually find all of these types of comments extremely discouraging. When someone says, “you’re crazy if you think you’re fat,” they actually lose all credibility with me. I can’t trust their opinion for what looks good on me anymore because they’ll just be polite. I just kindly thank her for thinking I’m thin, but it drives me nuts. ESPECIALLY when I KNOW for a fact that she would die to if she was my weight. (one friend thinks i’m crazy for wanting to lose weight yet she’s 40-50 lbs lighter than me and drinks coffee instead of eating to maintain her weight). There’s another friend that actually perfectly understands why I would be unhappy with my weight, and I trust her opinoin completely on what looks good on me and what doesnt.
I was just wondering if anyone else out there has this type of experience? I know it’s a strange one.
Post # 3
Hmm, not exactly the same, but I have this one aunt. Anytime she asks me if I’ve lost weight I know I’ve gained weight. I feel like she can tell I’ve gained weight and is trying to make me feel better by asking if I’ve lost any!
Post # 4
@MissBoPeep: I had a similar experience in a Bridal shop. I walked in the shop for a second visit after gaining 10 lbs since I last saw her, and she said I lost weight. I got irritated and ignored everything she said about the gowns I tried on.
Post # 5
I’ve definitely had that sort of experience. It’s totally irritating–and it does make me lose trust in their opinions. However, I know that us girls can be overly critical of ourselves, so maybe they really don’t think you look fat, even if they would freak out if they looked the same.
Post # 6
@vanextras: but what looks not good to you may not be the same to someone else. So when they say you don’t look fat, they actually may mean it and aren’t trying to “make you feel better.”
Weight is tough and it’s something I don’t like talking about with anyone. It is just too sensitive and everyone has a different view of weight.
Post # 7
I totally understand. I have a friend who’s literally half my size who is very conscious of her weight (full discloser – so am I). She knows I’ve been trying to drop a few pounds but it seems like she is always underming my efforts – we’ll go to lunch and I’ll order a salad and she’ll say ‘You don’t need to do that! You look great!. And then she’ll order a cupcake for us to split and not eat any. Grr…
In general I’ve found that when I mention that I’m trying to watch what I eat or have been good with going to the gym people will try to undermine. So I’ve stopped broadcasting that I’m trying to get healthy – it defintely gets annoying sometimes.
Post # 8
Yeah this does annoy me and that’s why I usually don’t comment to anyone about my own weight. I think it can sometimes put people in a position where they feel like they have to contridict you and tell you you’re nuts and then maybe take it too far to where you know they are being phony. When people tell me it looks like I’ve lost weight and it’s unprompted, I try to just take it as a compliment. Sometimes I’m thinking in my head that they don’t really mean it and then it’s like, whoa, what is wrong with me that I can’t even take a compliment. You might just be wearing a flattering outfit or a better bra that day or something if you didn’t actually lose any weight.
Post # 9
@PinkPandaBear: Yes!! I feel like this all the time. I hate it when I order a salad and people who KNOW I’m trying to lose weight are like, “what’s wrong with you? you don’t need to diet.” It does work out better when I keep my working out/dieting a secret. People leave me alone more… I especially hate the “you don’t need to diet. Just stop eating when you’re full.” Um, gee, thanks. My brain/stomach doesn’t tell me I’m full. I just simply stop eating when I have consumed the normal amount of food a human eats and let my stomach growl in fury until the next meal.
Post # 10
I will say it does annoy me when people say I don’t need to lose any more weight. I’ve lost 54 pounds over the last year and a half, and while I know I look good now (and a lot better than I did heavier) I also know I still have a ways to go. So I hate it when people try to convince me that I’m perfect as I am when they KNOW I am trying to lose more weight and could stand to lose a little more (I’m not a skinny girl trying to get skinnier by any means, I actually really could stand to lose at least another 10 – 15 lbs).
Post # 11
to be honest, I avoid saying “I feel fat” to anyone, ever no matter how big I feel. People don’t really respond well to that type of self-deprecation. it puts them in an uncomfortable situation, as it makes it seem as if you are digging for compliments.
note: I totally understand if all you want to do is vent and you really are not digging for compliments at all! but that is not usually how the other person is going to see it.
on top of all of that, it is not good for yo to put yourself down like this. it’s not helpful to you and can contribute to a low self esteem. if you can try to project confidence instead, you will begin to feel that confidence and other people will respond positively to it.
I’m sorry you feel this way. trust me– I can totally emphathize, really. I have felt fat before too. but it’s just not good to project that to other people.
Post # 12
@vanextras: OMG! I had someone say this to me the other day and it totally annoyed me. Lady, clearly I don’t know how to stop when I’m full because if I did I wouldn’t be trying to lose these few extra pounds. Sheesh.
A little off topic but it really annoys me when I order a salad or if I choose a piece of fruit instead of a bag of chips there is always that smart ass who has to comment on me being on a ‘diet.’ Uhm, last I checked a ‘diet’ was what someone eats – you can eat crap all day long and be on a ‘junk food diet.’ Fruit or a salad doesn’t necessarily always mean wanting to lose weight – it might just be a healthy lifestyle choice or a preference for natural foods.
Sorry, vent and threadjack over.
Post # 13
I think the only time I openly feel comfortable discussing my weight is with my actual physician. Anyone else, it’s none of their business and it’s none of mine to discuss others.
Post # 14
No, I get it completely. After losing 130 pounds I still feel enormous and yet people tell me I look amazing. They lose credibility because clearly I look better than I did before but I still could stand to lose 40 pounds or so.
I will say that feeling fat is real phenomenon that I personally feel is a result of certain foods that our bodies are sensitive too. For example; I ALWAYS feel ugly and fat after a meal that contains a great deal of soy (I don’t like eating meat) and garlic. My body doesn’t process it well leaving me with food baby the next day.
Post # 15
@janie-janie: I actually don’t say “I’m fat” to people because I don’t want to hear the “you’re not fat comments”, so these comments are usually unsolicited. They come on when I order a salad, when they learn I go to the gym, or when I refuse a cupcake. I’m just like, you know, sometimes I don’t want a cupcake, and I get the “you’re not fat comment” and a cupcake shoved in my face. Once, my friend messaged me to tell me some guy agreed with her than I’m not fat. I’m like, whaaa?? Where did this come from and why are people just talking about my weight randomly like that?
I actually don’t have any self-esteem problems. I love myself. I actually am pretty confident, and I don’t see it as putting myself down. I don’t think “I’m fat and I’m worthless.” It’s more like, “ok, you weigh x, this is what you gotta do to lose weight.” I look at my weight the same way I look at my shoe size or say how fast I can run. “You can run x miles per hour, this is what you need to do to run faster.” It’s something that is objectively what it is, but it is something I can change. (I guess that’s not true for shoe size, haha) My weight doesn’t make me feel ugly or worthless. It’s just something I want to change.
Sorry, I just realized my rant there may come off as b**chy. I really don’t mean to come off as that. I just mean I do love myself and I’m actually pretty confident. I just have certain things I want to change because to make myself better because I believe I am capable of more. This is the attitude that I’ve had my entire life in everything I’ve done. Weight just factors in exactly the same was as everything else including school/grades, competitions etc. (For the record, I get just as annoyed with, “stop studying, you’re smart already. =P)
Post # 16
i think it’s mainly because people are too afraid these days to say out loud ‘yes, i agree, you’re overweight’.
the fear of offending people is so ridiculously high these days. if my friend says ‘i want to get rid of my bingo wings’, i talk to her about it, and we both go looking for the best way to improve arm appearance. i don’t say ‘oh don’t be stupid your arms are fine!’ because i know that when i rant about something, i just want someone to agree with me!!
when my best friend told me she wished she had been thinner on her wedding day, i sat and listened to her. i told her she still looked beautiful, but that it was a shame she felt that way. at no time did i say “babe, you didn’t look big!” because she did. she knows she did, i know she did, and i don’t think that lying to her would have helped matters because she doesn’t want her best friend to lie.
instead now we’ve decided to go to the gym together and we swap recipes.
i don’t like lying to my friends. no matter how touchy the subject. the way i see it, if you feel uncomfortable about a subject, it’s because you know deep down inside that you want it to change. and i’m willing to help my friends in any way i can. they deserve that.
ETA: my Future Sister-In-Law has put on an unhealthy amount of weight in the past 3 years. my SO said the last time he saw her, she didn’t even seem like his sister. she was like a completely different person. everyone knows it, and everyone thinks it, but no one will say anything because they’re too afraid of upsetting her. she eats take aways every night and then complains about her weight. her mum listens to her but then feeds her full english breakfasts because that’s what everyone else is having. her SO won’t go to the doctors because he’s afraid he’ll find out he’s diabetic. it’s ridiculous. i wish i had the guts to just say what we’re all thinking, but it’s not my family and not my place. i just want the family to do something about it before she ends up like her SO.