(Closed) Opposite of helpful

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I say something

    Let it go and have someone else run the errands

    Tell her that you were hurt by her bailing after offering help

  • Post # 2
    Member
    5510 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Transfer the task – to yourself. No one is obligated to help you, and this way you get the makeup you like. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    238 posts
    Helper bee

    If you can’t do everything yourself (understandable) then it would be wise to hire a day of coordinator.  People can be flaky and while the friend might of had the best intensions, life can get busy and complicated.  Hire someone so you know things will get done.

    Post # 6
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  I understand that you have many things to do that day, but, can’t you call the hair and makeup person right now and reschedule for a different time?  I’m not really seeing how this is such a dilemma.

    Someone offered to help, you accepted, they didn’t do exactly as you had hoped, and now you’re wondering whether to say something (really, how hard is, oh thanks, but that time doesn’t work) or stew about it.  It all makes me wonder if perhaps you could be communicating better.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    5101 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  I get that you  may have  many tasks that have to do the day of your wedding that can only be completed then but usually make up and hair appointments are booked well in advance and usually by the bride and dont require anything last minute and on the  day of other than to park your ass on the chair. She offered but that really isn’t a day of task that needs to be delegated  to another  person  because it’s  impossible for you to be able to complete the day of. You should have really not delegated this to her and should have booked and researched this yourself. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    5510 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  I don’t understand. You are not getting hair and makeup? If you’re not getting hair and makeup, you’re under no obligation to pay for it because someone else chooses to get it.

    If you are getting hair and makeup, it’s a nice gesture to include and pay for bridesmaids .

    What else are you having trouble with?  I’ve had many times where people offer to help and then are suddenly unvailable when you need them. This was my in-laws.

    ILs “Oh we can always look after the children so you can go out to dinner.”

    Me.  “Cool. How about next Saturday?”

    ILs “Can’t do it, we’re busy….and we’re busy until the holidays, and then of course, there’s the holidays. And we’re older people, not like your parenrs”

    ILs to their friends. “We always offer to babysit the grandchildren” <subtext: we’re so helpful >

    I rarely ask for anything. I figure that if I can’t get it done, it’s not worth doing.

    But a day of coordinator might be the way to go.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5101 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

     

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  I’m  certain  she has only paid  a deposit to the mua and hairdresser. My guess is its usually cheaper the more  people book in. Thry usually  go-

    1 person  hair and make up =150pp

    2 people hair and make up = 130pp

    3 + people hair and make up =110 pp

    I’d just cut my losses and tell this lady that 8.30 is too early for makeup to be done  for a 4.30 wedding. Offer to pay her back for her lost deposit and book in somewhere else of your own choosing that you’ve researched and booked yourself like you should have from the start. I also wouldn’t be delegating tasks for the day of to people you don’t really know well or trust like this lady.  If you dont have a network of friends or family that you can trust with small  day of tasks, then pay a professional to handle them for you. I had siblings and parents who did a few small last minute tasks for our wedding as I did  for theirs but if I knew I had nobody I could rely on I would of paid a DOC. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    5510 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  You do not have to pay for their makeup! Clearly it’s something you don’t want, if they want it let them get it and pay for it. If they don’t, fine. 

    I did my own makeup for my wedding too. I was young enough so that I could have drawn X’s in lipstick on my forehead and I would still have looked great lol.

    Post # 13
    Member
    8012 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @lauralaura123:  Contact this ‘friend’ and politely tell her you will not be working with this hair/makeup person at 8:30 am and ask her to cancel on your behalf if she’s not willing to give you the name and number.

    Hire a day-of-coordinator. It is not good form to expect a friend/guest to work for you on the day of your wedding, you are inviting another situation like this one. 

    The topic ‘Opposite of helpful’ is closed to new replies.

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