(Closed) Opposite Schedules.. ADVICE NEEDED!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  I am in a similar situation. We recently moved for FI’s job, and his shift is 2-10pm. I work the standard 8-4 from home, and we also don’t have the same weekends. I have Saturday/Sunday, he’s off Monday/Tuesday. While I at least get to see him in the morning while I work from home, the downside is I almost never leave our apartment! I don’t even have a regular, out of home job where I could make friends with co-workers or at least socialize with other human beings. I was going so stir crazy bored and missing Fiance all day, that we just got a puppy last week to at least keep me company. I don’t have much advice other than find a hobby. Seriously, start a new book, refinish furniture, join a gym, or something that would give you the opportunity to meet new people. Is there a regular work out class you could join that would put you in a group? Other than that, I just posted to say that I can empathize with you!

Post # 5
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I feel your pain – Darling Husband & I are in the same boat with opposite days off.  How do days off figure in for you?  And, how long have you endured this schedule?  Is there any end in sight?

For me, I had to embrace being single & getting used to the fact that I was alone in the evenings.  I’m still getting used to it, and it’s not easy!

My suggestion is to treat it just like you would if you moved & were single… meaning, brainstorm activities that sound like fun & then pursue them.  Ig there are meetup groups in your area, check those out.  Take a class at a community college, a dance/art/workout class where you interact with people… try to spin as many things as a positive vs a negative….. 

Post # 6
244 posts
Helper bee

I can relate! SO and I are in a LDR right now. (He’s in the military.) But aside from that, I moved within the last year and don’t know anyone where I live. So I come home to my dog every night and my list of potential activities pretty much looks like yours!

Post # 8
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn

My partner and I work opposite schedules and at times it’s very difficult. I work 12 hour night shifts, so I work 3 days per week. My partner works 6:30am-3pm M-F and is on call every 3 weeks. We work at the same hospital so when I get off work in the morning I have breakfast with her before I go home to sleep. Just that small bit of time helps us alot because she hates me being gone at night. It’s hard for her to sleep without me at night and it’s hard for me to sleep without her during the day. When I am off I stay on a day shift schedule so that I can have time with her. If I stayed on a night shift schedule on my off days it would be easier on me, but we would never see each other.

Post # 9
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@FutureDrAtkins:  Unfortunately, I can also relate to this post. Fiance has recently switched to shift work and we moved for his job (to another province). It’s worse for us because it was a bait and switch…we didn’t sign up for shift work, but the company changed their shifts right when Fiance actually started working there. I just want to say I have a lot of sympathy for you and so far I haven’t found anything to make it better.

I guess we are lucky that the “bad” shifts only happen once every 8 weeks. When he is on afternoons, I literally see him for 5 minutes a day. Nights is slightly better because we can have dinner together but I end up going to sleep alone (hate that). It really does suck and I essentially spend all my time with furbaby. Also, I fly home a lot to visit family (he usually joins me for at least part of it).

My only consolation is that it is temporary – we are both sourcing new jobs.   

Post # 10
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Poulsbo, WA

I have a similar situation going on. I work full-time at a bakery without predictable days off. Sometimes I have two consecutive days off, but mostly they’re just one at a time, and almost always on a weekday. My shifts can range anywhere from 6:30 am to 8 pm. It’s not ideal, but it’s short-term until I can find something in my field in my area. I moved a few months ago and my SO lives over an hour away. He works 9:30 pm to 6 am, and is off from Saturday morning to Monday night. He worked 6 am to 2:30 pm until last fall, which was much easier because we could visit one another if we both had an afternoon free. Now, I see him half a day per week on average. It’s hard, but we have figured out times of the day that work for us to talk on the phone even if there’s not enough time to see each other. I’ve also had to get used to the fact that when I do get to see him, he’s usually half asleep. Once in a while though, we find a couple days off together and it’s like we haven’t been apart at all. We managed to both take the same 10 days off next month, so we’re going on a road trip/hiking trip to a place that’s special to both of us. I’m really looking forward to having those days together. Supposedly, my SO is supposed to be able to switch back to working days in September. Fingers crossed!

Post # 11
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Poulsbo, WA

I forget to mention that I live alone in a studio in a quiet part of town. The neighborhood is mostly families with school-age kids, and I’m 24. So I feel your pain – I’m aching for some girlfriends!

Post # 12
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@FutureDrAtkins:  Honey, you’re not alone!

Although we haven’t moved, we too have opposite work schedules. And mine has been picking up some trainings and has been out of state recently. I know it’s hard.

Typically he gets home at 2am and I sleep on the couch until he gets home and 2am is our, “How was your day? I missed you.” time. That’s what works for us. I know I stay pretty tired not actually getting to bed until after 3 but it keeps our relationship functioning and healthy.

My advice, take advantage of every minute you get together… even if it’s 2am in the morning.

Post # 14
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I have so much sympathy! I was in your position MANY years ago (like, 20 years ago!) and it was super hard. I would urge you to try to view other women as potential friends even if they are considerably older than you – you can still find people you have a lot in common with if you set aside age. Would you consider a book club at the library? Could you make a weekly “challenge” for yourself where you learn or try something new (I learned to cook some new recipes during the time when my Darling Husband and I were working opposite shifts, and focused on things that made good leftovers)? I know this is hard but I promise you are going to get through it!

Post # 15
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

This is almost my situation… Which is now worse.  I work 7a-4p Monday-Thursday and get to telecommute on Fridays.  Hubs worked 4p-2a Monday-Thursday.  We would have Friday-Sunday together, but otherwise, we were only in bed together for about 2 hours by the time he got home at 3am.  Not really ideal when TTC…

I pass the time doing chores, going out with my family and friends, and catching up on Netflix.  That way, we really have the weekends all to ourselves.  We had the above schedule for 1.5 years, and just last week, he got a new schedule of 7p-5a.  With his commute, we now see each other for 20 minutes in the morning and about 10 minutes in the evening.  Count your blessings, it could definitely be worse!  Oh, I also took up crocheting with YouTube videos!


Post # 16
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  We know this exactly. I work straight nights 8 hours/6 nights/week and Fi works straight days M-F and with his drive he has 12hour+ days. On top of that I have teenagers at home that suck up any free time we have. On Saturdays (I’m done at 7am) I have tried to stay up but have to crash by about 5 but usually I sleep for about 5 hours. The problem then is that I fall asleep Sat night for a couple hours and then I’m wide awake again while Fiance sleeps. 🙁

Come Sun night at 11pm and we start all over again! We’be been doing this for 3 years now and there is no end in sight. Oh well…at least we have good jobs.

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