Opposite sex friendships

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I’m completely fine with my SO being friends and hanging out with members of the opposite sex, and he is the same with me. He has a close female friend who I’ve since become close with and they still hang out one on one without me or her husband from time to time because they work in the same field. Recently, my SO was in Russia for the World Cup and I spent a few nights a week having dinner with a male neighbor – all of which was fine with my fiancé. I think it all boils down to trust and respect for your partner. 

Prioritizing a friendship (no matter what the gender of the friend) over your relationship is totally different. If for example, Saturday was our date night and SO was always booking activities that I’d enjoy with a friend (no matter the gender) then and excluding me or not running it by me, that’d be problematic. 

Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think the way things are with you being included is good.  I have some guys I have been friends with for years that I would hang out with solo but normally my husband would come out too if he wanted to and was available.  I think it would be weird if it were a new friend of the opposite sex especially if you weren’t invited out with them.  That would raise flags.  Or if you got a bad vibe hanging out with them – like either one being flirty etc.  Or if they were spending whole night out after drinking and not coming home (like a post from a few days ago).

Post # 6
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

I’m bisexual. If I had restrictions, I basically wouldn’t be able to hang out with anyone. So I don’t place restrictions I wouldn’t oblige to.

I would find a bit uncomfortable to go out alone with a new male friend, while oddly I’m perfectly comfortable with new female friends. I’m uncomfortable with my partner going out alone with a new female friend too. Once they’re not new acquaintances, I’m ok. My boyfriend feels roughly the same. I mever asked him not to go out with someone, and he never did it to me. It’s never been an issue. I think being long distance for years helped to build trust and *not* to place restrictions.

(My best friend is a guy and I WANT to spend time alone with him. I don’t see any malice in this and I don’t include my boyfriend every single time just as he doesn’t include me every single time he goes out with his friends.)

Post # 7
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

As long as he also brings me around his female friends and allows us to get to know each other as well, I am totally comfortable with it. If I felt like he was keeping someone from me and only ever hanging out one-on-one that would be another story.

Post # 10
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My husband has always been upfront with me about his female friends so I’ve never had an issue. Early on I’m dating we had a situation where a his phone rang after 2am and I saw it was a female… I got a little territorial but it turned out to be an actual emergency so I felt like shit and apologized.

Post # 12
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We rarely hang out with friends alone so it’s not really an issue.  Not because of any imposed boundary but just because of how we are.  We’re both social introverts and just prefer entertaining at home so the friends we have are mostly mutual.   He has a monthly gaming group but it’s all guys. I connect more with women so any friendships I seek out are with women but I actually prefer to do stuff on my own.  I would have no problem if he had women friends although I would probably try to be their friend as well.

Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

soexcited123 :  I see… There were shady circumstances!

I guess being bisexual I just don’t place importance on my friends’ gender. The fact I am attracted to people of their same gender doesn’t influence our friendship… Otherwise no friendship would be “safe” for me 😛

There are boundaries, but I try to give my boyfriend the same trust and freedom I want for myself. I spend tons of time alone with people I could be theoretically attracted to based on their gender.

However, since my boyfriend is heterosexual and so are most people I meet, I feel a bit less comfortable alone with new male acquaintances. He feels the same – a sort of “competition” with men, and not with women, maybe because he thinks… heterosexually? 🙂 If he was bisexual, I think I would be less comfortable if he was alone with women rather than men. It’s totally irrational but that’s it 🙂

Post # 14
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t have any problems with opposite-sex friends. We both have them and while we don’t hang out with them one-on-one regularly (we tend to hang out with people in group settings) it’s not a problem when we do.

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