Opposite sex friendships

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

soexcited123 :  that makes total sense and I think it should be normal for him to invite you – even if you aren’t free, the symbolism is important that he thought to include you. If we’re talking about sharing a life together, I think sharing and developing friendships with your partners friends should be part of that. 

Post # 17
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

I might be weird, but I would find it really uncomfortable that if I wanted to spend time with friend they would invite their SO to join every time. Every now and then, sure but if it was all the time then I would feel like they wouldn’t want to be friends with me.

I understand every relationship has it’s own boundaries and as long as both agree to them it’s cool. I kinda wish we could move on form seeing gender in friendships and communications.

Post # 19
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t have a problem with it until I have a problem with it.

As a general rule, I don’t have an issue with opposite sex friends.  However, when it becomes disrespectful to your partner (e.g. taking them out on dates that include dinner, drinks, show, after hours drinks an paying for everything, or forgetting plans with your SO because you are out with said said person), I take issue with it.

and yes, the above happened to me and it killed the marriage.

Post # 20
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee

My husband has female friends that he has known for yonks and they get together sometimes alone and sometimes with other people he knew before he met me. I also have male friends that I made well before I met my husband. It has never been an issue at all. A friend is a friend whether they are male or female.

He has introduced me to all of them but I have no interest in being any closer with them. He has invited me to these get togethers but I would be bored stiff. They reminisce and talk about people I don’t know and what they are up to and that is fine with me. I see them as his friends just as he sees my friends as mine. We obviously also have our friends and those are the ones we see the most often.

Post # 21
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

soexcited123 :  I just personally think there is a differnece between meeting SO and becoming an automatic trio. I woudn’t be happy if a female friend brought her SO everytime we had coffee, same thing would be if male friend brought his SO. Of course I want to get to know my bf’s friends, but I would find it weird (as would his friends) if I was automatically in the pub with them whenever they hang out. Yes, it is great if the SO would become friend but I guess I want to meet my friends alone at times. Having another person there changes the dynamics. Maybe the message is not exactly that they don’t want to be friends, but it would tell me that our friendship is not valued. But this could be social circle difference, since this doesn’t really happen in my social circle.

Post # 24
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee

soexcited123 :  do you ever hang out with any of your girl friends one on one though? I have a group of girls that I get together with often, but sometimes I may get together with them individually because there are certain activities that we like to do together. Regardless if we’re all friends, I may get annoyed if a friend started always inviting someone else .

Post # 25
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

soexcited123 :  I really think this is once of those things that we agree to disagree. There is no right or wrong since this is personal to every relationship. It is just something that would not wrk in my relationship or friendships. I try not to classify friends as “male” and “female”..just friends (i do know there are some lines so they can’t be totally equal). You can determine after a few meeitng if it’s a friednship worth persuing or is it just cordial friendly relationship when there is a get together.  I’ve yet to become so close with any of my friends SO where hanging out as a trio would be totally natural and I would be equally happy shairng my life with them as I would with a friend. But maybe my view changes when this happens.

Post # 26
Member
3532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Fiance and I both have close friends of the opposite sex so neither of us has ever had an issue with it. We love each other’s friends and are perfectly comfortable with them and have been from the beginning. In fact, our ease with accepting each other’s friendships was a huge bonding factor at the beginning because we have both had issue with that in the past. 

We both hang out one on one with our opposite sex friends sometimes. It’s no big deal. 

Post # 27
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

His best friend had been in a serious accident 

Post # 29
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee

soexcited123 :  I don’t know that I would find it rude, but I may be a little disappointed. Maybe I was looking forward to chatting about something that I had confided in them about that I hadn’t told the others about yet for example. In my friend group, we don’t tend to talk on the phone, so we only ready catch up when we get together. 

Post # 30
Member
13674 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Darling Husband has female friends, I have male friends.  We also have trust.  I don’t think either of us has ever give the other reason to doubt our fidelity or to be worried about the other person hanging out with someone of a different gender.

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