(Closed) Opposite Sex friendships

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex, mostly from work.  I work at a high school with a large number of male teachers and my husband works at a middle school with mostly female employees. 

It has been this way since we met, so it has never been an issue.  My hubby did admit about being a little jealous just before he proposed because of a new co-worker of mine, but he got over it as soon as I said "yes" — I had no idea.  He shared this with me three months after we were married!

Post # 4
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

No, I do not have friends of the opposite sex, neither does he.  While I think it ok to have those friendships, I do not think it appropriate to hang out with those friends alone (without the significant other).  My husband’s last girlfriend was just a friend at first.  I just think it keeps things simple, and I am just old-fashioned like that.

Post # 5
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My best friend in the entire world is male… and so are most of my other friends.  I was friends with most of them before I started dating my husband… and if he had a problem with me maintaining the friends I had before he came around, regardless of gender, I would not have married him.  Period.  If I was hiding the friendships or lying about who I was with, that would be one thing, but my husband always knows when I am out with one of them (alone) and he never cares.  In a relationship, it is always important to maintain friendships, and mine just happen to mostly be with me.  Luckily, however, my husband has become very close with most of my friends as well, which makes me really happy.

In a few months, my husband is moving away for several years, and he even comments about how glad he is that I have my male friends who will be staying in this area, in the event something ever happens and I need help, or just to spend time with, rather than sitting around at home moping about my long-distance marriage.

Post # 6
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My husband’s best friend is female, and several of my very very close friends are male.  We had a few bumps when we started dating, but once everyone met everyone, it has been fine!

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

My very best friends are girls, but I have some great guy friends.  I made sure that he got to know them too, so he would be comfortable with the friendships and understand that there was NO sexual tension with any of them! I think that is key.  I actually stayed with one guy friend for a week when I was in London, and my now husband was a dream – not the slightest bit jealous.  Lucky me!

Post # 8
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL

My best friend is a guy, and I have a number of guy friends and luckily Mr. E is fine with it. He is now friends with my friends and we all hang out in a group most of the time. But I try to have dinner with my best (guy) friend about once a month, one-on-one.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I don’t know, I guess I’d have to say we’re pretty old-fashioned when it comes to something like this. I have very few guy friends, other than the friends of my husband’s that are my friends as well. And vise versa with my husband. Pretty much we are friends with all of each other’s friends, so we usually hang out with a mixed crowd as a couple. I don’t mean to sound jealous, but I think I would have a real problem if the hubby would hang out, one-on-one, with another girl. I feel like a guy’s best girl friend should be his wife and a girl’s best guy friend should be her husband. Like I said, we’re old-fashioned.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think this is a very important key when you want to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex. Don’t be touchy feely with your friend, even if you consider yourself to be a naturally affectionate person. Sure, it is possible to make physical contact without inciting sexual attraction, but hormones can play tricks on us! 

Post # 11
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The best of all my friends are guys, I’ve just always gotten along with them better and feel more comfortable around them.  I’ve always had problems with girls being too catty.

Post # 12
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Both of us think it is not good to have close friendships with the opposite sex. We have acquiantences but nothing more than that. This is not a problem because neither of us had a lot of friendships with the opposite sex, so it made it easy to clarify boundries.

Post # 13
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Particularly b/c I’m in a very male profession (physicist) I’ve always had many male friends.  And at times I’d say my closest friends have been male.  But as I’ve gotten older I’d say that’s changed a lot.  Partially b/c a couple of my closest male friends are also exes (though I consider at least one like a brother) which makes the fiance uncomfortable, and partially b/c their SO’s don’t really like it either.  My fiance, however, is having a female attendant…a friend he’s literally grown up with.  I get along with her great, and it was actually my idea for him to ask her, so I don’t have a problem with this.  I also continue to hang out with several male friends (most not exes) as does my FH, alone or with fiance and their SO, and I don’t think this bothers either of us.  But I definitely do feel that since I’ve been with my fiance (even before we got engaged), my relationship with male friends has changed…something that never happened with any previous BF’s.

Nonetheless I don’t think in principle it’s wrong for either of us to spend time with a friend of the opposite sex, it just gets more complicated if there is a romantic history. 

Post # 14
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve always had a bunch of male friends and a couple really close female friends, but mostly this was because of my classes (engineering and medicine).  Fiance grew up with the two daughters of his parents’ friends, so they’re basically like siblings.

It’s not a problem because 1) the friendships predate our relationship, 2) both of us are really sensitive to what might make the other person feel uncomfortable, and are careful to protect against that, and 3) we both know how special our relationship is and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.  The first time my guy met >10 of my friends was at a wedding– and almost all were groomsmen!  They tend to look out for me like a little sister, but he was just himself and won them over. I think it all depends on the level of trust you have for your SO; couples differ widely, I’m sure.

One benefit to such platonic relationships?  I like football (only selected teams) but won’t complain about watching most sports, and Fiance is really tolerant of my girly shows and CSI.  

Post # 15
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Before Fiance, the majority of my friends were male, though by best friend has always been my Maid/Matron of Honor, a girl. Like fizicsgirl, I’ve lost contact with most of them. After being part of a couple for so long the only ones I still hang out with are those who are also in serious relationships. I didn’t mean to lose contact with them, and it certainly wasn’t due to jealosy on FI’s part, but we just drifted apart. I guess that could easily happen with my single female friends too, if it wasn’t for my need to do occasional girly stuff that only they could appreciate.

 

Post # 16
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’ve always had a lot of male friends – partly because I’m an engineer, and partly because as far as I’m concerned guys seem to do most of the fun stuff.  I would generally rather go rock climbing or skiing or kayaking in my spare time than go shopping or do crafty things.  I do have a few kick-ass girlfriends, but honestly I often end up bored and frustrated with the way a lot of women act around just women.  I make sure that my husband knows my guy friends, and it’s not an issue for him.  Most of my guy friends are now his friends too.

He doesn’t really have female friends the way I have male friends – the only women he counts as friends are one of my girlfriends and the wife of one of his male friends.

I actually think it’s good for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex, or at least siblings of the opposite sex.  Men who have women friends or sisters, in my experience, tend to really understand and like women better than men who don’t.  And I think that works the other way around too. 

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