(Closed) opposite work schedules?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2528 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Work schedules are a nightmare aren’t they? And most people seem to assume that everyone works the same hours!

My husband and I are a bit like you and we don’t work the same hours but we do have most of our weekends off together so at least that’s something.

Darling Husband usually works 4pm-Midnight and I work 8.00-4.30 but due to the distance I leave the house shortly after 7am. This tends to mean that during the week we are usually not fully conscious at the same time. For us it sort of works because we do enjoy our time alone and our schedules allow for that. I think it also makes us appreciate the time we do get to spend together.

At the moment though I am on holiday/maternity leave so it currently doesn’t matter but when I return to work it will start up again.

 

I would say for now, enjoy the time you get to spend with him and also enjoy the time that you get to spend on your own. 

Post # 3
Member
11102 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s totally doable.  Not only do Dh & I work different schedules, we live on different schedules.  

I’m a very early morning person–I naturally get out of bed by 2 am.  Dh can’t stand mornings.  I get into work by 5:30 am or so very easily.  Dh’s day starts at noon.  By late afternoon, I’m shot & Dh is just getting started.

Until this week, we didn’t have any common days off, but I’ve been able to negotiate that now.  Our only time together has been a few minutes at night when I should be sleeping.

What happened was, we started using the time we did have more effectively to touch base & really talk to each other.  We’ll probably always operate on different schedules because of the differences in our body clocks.  But, it works for us just fine.

Treasure the time you do have together & you’ll be fine as well.

Post # 4
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Our work schedules are pretty opposite, but the difference is that I work only 3 12-hour shifts a week (nights) . I have the rest of the week off, and there is no way I’d sacrifice those days. I would try to come up with a different schedule, for him or yourself,  if possible.

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Darling Husband and I have done soenthognsimilar in the past try to make the most of the time you do have together and remember it won’t last forever

Post # 6
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Fiance and I have somewhat opposite schedules. He works 4am-9am at UPS and then picked up a second job working 11-730pm or 1230-9pm. I work 9-5 M-F and do two overnights a week to pick up extra cash before the wedding. On a normal day, I leave the house at 8, get to work by 9, and Fiance doesn’t get home until 9:15, then he takes a nap/shower and is out of the house by 11 or 1230, I get home at 6, and then he comes home, quickly shovels food in his mouth, takes another shower, and hops in bed. Due to my overnight schedule, it feels like I don’t get to see him Tuesday-Friday afternoon. And if he works both days on the weekend? Pfft. We are making it work for now, but I am looking forward to giving up my overnights so I am home each night so I can at least see him for a few minutes.

Post # 7
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve been right there with you for the past 6 months.  We got married just about a year ago, and worked generally the same schedules – me, 8-5 M-F, and he worked 7-3 M-F.  Roughly 6 – 7 months ago, he did a job change without telling me (entirely different issue), and found out he would be working 2nds, without the weekends off.  The past 6 months, his schedule has been 3 pm – 11pm, with Wed/Thurs nights off.

That means, our only time together was Wed & Thurs evenings after I got home, and weekend mornings until he had to get ready for work. Not much, generally speaking.  And I’m not going to lie, it’s been a bit of a rough patch, but we’ve gotten through it and he has finally, starting today, snagged a spot on another shift.

My recommendation on how to make things easier:

1.  Write notes to each other. Text.  Find some way to stay in communication.

2.  Make the most of your time together, and try to do something special once in awhile – even if it’s as simple as going out to or making a special dinner.

3.  Routine, routine, routine.  Get into a routine that works.

4.  If you’re an affection person like me, the lack of time together actually makes me depressed.  Make sure you communicate that, and what you need.

5.  Each of you get a hobby, or something you can enjoy alone.  Keeping busy makes it easier.

6.  Lastly, I’d move in together ASAP.  There’s a major adjustment period when you live with someone at first – getting used to each other oddities, figuring out who pays what, combining finances, spliting chores….if he hadn’t been used to my habit of leaving dishes in the sink, or me used to his tendency to leave baskets of clothing everywhere rather than fold them – I really don’t know if we would have made it.  It seems like little things, but those little things pile up, and when you’re sitting at home alone staring at them daily, especially when you can’t just sit down and have a normal “talk” – it doesn’t lead to anywhere good.

Just my two cents from living through it. It’s doable though.

Post # 8
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’ve been there. Not as badly though. Fiance, when we first got engaged was working 645am-345. I was on 1030am-730pm and we weren’t living together. Basically we tried to spend every waking hour together, even if that meant having to stay up a bit later one day or wake up earlier.

Good thing about call centers, since I have been there too. Your hours will change, it won’t be forever. I had mine change three times in my first year. Keep your head it, there is a way! You will find it!

Post # 9
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee

I think if you’re really worried about it, you should look for another position. I understand everyone else’s point of view, but I think marriage and family come before work. I would not be happy only spending a few hours a day 4x a week together. 

Could he possibly switch work either Wednesday or Thursday to a weekend day, so you have a whole day during the week together? His situation may be more flexible than yours, since you just started working at this job. I’m sure another store manager would love to have a weekend day off, so he could at least ask and see! 

Post # 10
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I completely sympathize with you. When I first started dating Darling Husband, we were long distance and he just started working a job and doing an internship and having a 5 hour commute every day. Then, when we were  engaged, he moved across country and I didn’t follow for 3 months. Now we are married and his schedule varies from 6-7 days a week of work! I work a normal 8:30-5 with a commute, but switching to a 7:30-4 soon! Woohoo! 

However, by the time I’m home, Darling Husband is exhausted and wants to go to bed. It’s been hard. I try and be thankful for the time we do have together, but it can be very difficult and sad and lonely at times (moved across country with no friends or family and living in a not welcoming town). However, I just realize that jobs can always change. If it’s that much stress, change jobs. Stick it out for a bit and if it isn’t working and putting too much stress on your relationship, look for something new! Best of luck bee! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

christyrose119:  My Darling Husband and I have had different work schedules for about 5 years now and it really sucks. When he opens I close and when I open he closes. We usually never have the same days off together. Maybe twice a month If we’re lucky. 2 years ago he finally started getting vacation so we had a week off together last year the end of June-beginning of July for our wedding and honeymoon and this year we had one the third week of July. It’s definitely rough not being able to spend time together. It usually gets even worse  than this starting the middle of September until the middle of January for us because of the holiday season. I have really late shifts until midnight or so and then really early shifts like 5am. I just hate that time of year. Even on holidays I dont get to spend much time with him. Some days are easier than others though. I just think about the next day we get to spend together.

Post # 12
Member
1954 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh our schedules suckkkkkkkkkk. He works either 12-4 (daytime) or 6-11 (nighttime). I can work 5:30-3, 1-10/2-11/3-midnight. There were two weeks where he was working during the day (a lot of 10-2 or 12-4 shifts) and I would do 3-midnight. So I would be in bed when he left for work at 9:30, and I would just miss him when I left for work at 2:30. I didn’t see him awake for three days and it sucked so much. Thankfully it was just until one of the girls from my work got back on her feet, now we see each other much more. It sucks so much, but it is completely doable. Move in together ASAP, though. I’ve found living together definitely helps.

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