(Closed) Options for a Catholic Bride wanting to get married outside a Church

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
  • poll: Which would you choose?
    Sacrament before Civil Ceremony : (26 votes)
    70 %
    Civil Ceremony and then Convalidation : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Neither... I would elope! : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would wait to make any decision until you have heard from the Bishop.  How does your parish priest feel about doing the ceremony at this venue, many times the Bishop will go with the parish priest and let them make the call.

    Post # 5
    196 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t believe that Catholic masses (or ceremonies to be considered valid by the church) can be performed outside unless it’s on holy ground.

    I wish I could be more helpful, but a convalidation is more meant to bring couples back into the church if they did not marry in the church initially, it really isn’t there to make it so people can marry outside of the church and then get their Catholic wedding. We’ve had bees (such as Mrs. Socks) who have been married first (not necessarily in the Catholic church) and then had a wedding ceremony later. If you went with option #1, the civil ceremony can be flexible with wording. I don’t know how your family will act, but I will guess that they will have wished to have gone to the sacramental ceremony, but will be happy to celebrate your marriage.

    Your venue looks lovely though and I wish you the best of luck.

    Post # 6
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I voted for option 1 because that’s what I’m doing.  Actually I’m having the church wedding in the morning the day before, with immediate family and a few close friends in the wedding party.  I’m worried about the same thing as you – that I won’t feel like a “bride” for my outdoor venue because I will already have been officially married, per the state and per the church.  But I figure my wedding is what I make of it.  My friend pointed out there are many instances of situations like this.  For example, many people have a religious/legal pre-wedding before going on their destination wedding.  Also, in some cultures, it’s typical for the religious leader to marry the couple first, in a private ceremony, then the big public ceremony takes place.  These are the things I remind myself about to feel better about it!  I considered convalidation, but my family much preferred to have everything done by the reception.

    Post # 7
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Absolutely beautiful venue, by the way.  I feel your pain, I really do!

    Post # 9
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Tough choice, but I would strongly urge you not to do either. I had a civil ceremony  a few months before the catholic one (with the big reception) and felt the civil ceremony was far more special. It could be that we felt we were settled/already married, and may be different for you since it will  only have been a few hours, but in my opinion, nothing can replace saying your vows for the first time. I would do the ceremony in the church and then just enjoy your reception at the beautiful venue.

    Also, if you do the civil at your venue, and do the church later, it’ll be something hanging over your head to do after the wedding. For me, I just wanted to get on with being married. Just my opinion!

    Post # 10
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Beautiful venue!!  It’s a tough situation.  I would go with option 1. 

    Post # 11
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I voted for option 1 because it is the best of the three choices, but I think you should consider having your wedding in the church and then a beautiful reception at that venue. In my opinion, a venue is just a venue, but a church is where sacraments happen. It’s also where possible future children will be baptised. You can have a ritual which is special to your and your Fiance or proclaim special vows you wrote for each other at the reception. I just think that a ceremony at church is important.

    Post # 12
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I agree with some of the previous posts.  Being a catholic bride, I’d prefer to do the ceremony in the church and have the reception in the hacienda. 

    But if that’s not gonna work for you and for some reason, you really want to have a ceremony in the hacienda, I would go with option one.

    Good luck!

    Post # 13
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m cathoic and getting married outside as well.  Go to rentapriest.com

    They have real catholic priests that left for reasons like they wanted to get married.  Plus the catholic church charges an arm and a leg for the ceremony in the church.  You have to try and convince your local priest to come and do your ceremony if you’re not having the ceremony at your local church (and of course pay him more) and you have the hassle of pre-cana.  I’m taking the easy route out.  No classes and no limo coordination.

    Post # 14
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We thoroughly enjoyed my pre-cana classes.  It is also very important to me that someone who i have a relationship with perform the actual marriage.

    I am having a “just vows” ceremony at the church with immediate family on Thursday evening.  We are then having a “for show” ceremony followed by the reception at an outdoor venue on Saturday.

    Post # 15
    47 posts
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Is having only the reception at your desired venue an option?  That way you could have the “best of both worlds” by getting married in the Church but having the brunch at the Hacienda.

    Post # 16
    2288 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    @kitchenkoala: That’s what I was going to suggest.

    We had our civil ceremony and a week later had the convalidation in the church. To be perfectly honest, it was my favorite (and I’m not the Catholic one!). If I had it do over again, I’d do the chuch, then the reception.

    If you absolutely can’t….I dunno. Just do what you’re planning on doing now with the wedding in the church and then the ceremony the next day. You can’t please everyone here.

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