(Closed) Oral disparity (TMI)

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Is this unfair?
    Yes, Big time : (63 votes)
    62 %
    Yes, but not a huge deal : (34 votes)
    33 %
    No, get over yourself : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It is the opposite for me and Fiance.  He definitely gives WAY more than I do!  I try to keep everything relatively neat and shaved when I can (and I prefer myself clean shaven usually), but that is not always possible.  He has never said anything to me about it though.  He is not exactly meticulously groomed either, so I would be offended if he asked that of me.  I really should give more often, but he usually starts it first and then I get all scatter-brained and a bit “out of it” and by then we usually move on to sex anyways.  I will do better and try to be more of a giver than a taker from now on. 

    But still in terms of requesting to be groomed a certain way, well…I would be upset.  I get that we all have our preference, but if that doesn’t always happen, it is kind of rude for him to say he won’t give you oral just because of that.  It isn’t going to kill him to give oral when you are not perfectly shaved sometimes!    

    Post # 4
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @guitargirl: No, you are not being unreasonable at all.

    Post # 6
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think the hair issue is a totally valid one. I wouldn’t want to do oral with my husband if he was as hairy down there as most women are if they haven’t shaved. We actually both shave – I think it adds to the feeling, and is just more hygenic.


    How would I handle it? I would shave. It’s a pretty small request. And who wants someone else’s pubic hair stuck in their teeth? Gross.

    Post # 7
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Is there a middle ground?

    Hmmm how do I say this without being too graphic? OK can you shave like “the slit” and leave a bit of hair right above? If that makes sense? That youre clean where you need to be but you can still have the comfort of not being completely bare.

    Post # 8
    1270 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    wow–i am right there with you. i give Fiance oral way more than he does to me. he really likes it, and sometimes asks me to do it. i totally dont mind! especially if i am on my period or something. but, i wish he would reciprocate more.

    i guess the only way that i would handle it is that i way would stay shaved all the time. it’s super important to me that my Fiance is uber attracted to me all the time, to i make a concious effort to cater to his preferences. i usually shave every day or every other day anyways.


    Post # 9
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I personally hate shaving with a regular razor to be completely bare. No matter what I do, my skin down there gets completely irritated. I’ve tried everything (really) and I ALWAYS get really painful razor burn/bumps, so I use an electric razor and get as low as possible without getting rid of everything. Maybe you guys can come to an agreement with something like this…or try waxing?

    Post # 10
    289 posts
    Helper bee

    I have been shaving/waxing (bare) since I was a teenager. I never really liked the look of pubic hair, and decided to do away with it on my own accord. My SO prefers it, but admitted I am the first girlfriend he has had that has been completeley shaved, so it was a bit of pleasant surprise for him.

    I shave/wax when I feel like I may be getting some action, or will be wearing a bikini – way more often in the summer, every few days in the fall/winter. My SO has definitely performed oral on me in the in-between stages and has never said a word of complaint. I think I’m more self conscious of the stubble than he is aware of it. He trims with scissors about once a month, but I don’t mind either way. We are pretty 50/50 as far as oral goes, but of course, it ebs and flows.

    If I were you, I would be direct about the way you like to maintain your intimate hair zones and explain that you would very much appreciate a bit more in the oral department. If he wants to give his opinion on how he prefers your lady bits to look, give him the same imput about his man parts. It only seems fair.

    Post # 11
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    If I were you, I would just stop providing that service until he gets over the issue 🙂

    Post # 12
    3601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Totally agree with ribs. I would tell him that it’s going to be 50/50 and you intend to see to it.

    Post # 13
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with Ribbons. I’d also ask him would he mind paying for a bikini wax. A brazilian is $85 and up at my spa. I wonder what he would say to that price tag each month….

    Post # 14
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Oh man, I give FH way more than he gives me, but unless I’m right out of the shower, I’m a little self-conscious to get serviced (LOL), so I’m ok with the “disparity”. I also don’t mind doing this for FH at all– we both like it.

    However, since you aren’t ok with it, I would explain to your FH your issues with shaving completely bare. I personally can’t shave every day because my skin gets very irritated as well. I actually have to let it grow out quite a bit (1-2 weeks) before I can shave again otherwise it will get MORE irritated than usual. Maybe you could actually show your FH what it does to your skin and ask him to shave ALL THE WAY, so he can actually feel the irritation– maybe that would help him to understand?

    But if you want him to acknowledge your issues, you’ll have to acknowledge his and try to come up with a compromise. Maybe talk about a compromise– more groomed while still having some hair out of the way (this might be weird, but you could even do some research/ google some “patterns” and maybe try to agree on one or try some out)? The main thing I think is a compromise, if both of you are willing. If you’re not willing to compromise on the shaving, then I guess you know how things are going to be. If he’s not willing to compromise, then I’d do like Ribbons said and cut him off. Hopefully he’ll come to understand that you’re serious and what he’s doing is unfair and making you feel badly.


    Post # 15
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I can’t shave without serious irritation – I wax (but not everything) and trim… I used to wax it all but I just realized it was expensive, painful, and irritated me.  Plus I hate the way all-shaved looks.

    In your position, I would do as Ribbons suggested and just stop giving.

    Post # 16
    489 posts
    Helper bee

    It is opposite for us. I should probably but giving more than I do, but SO loves giving, which works fine for me. It is something he just really enjoys doing, and has tried multiple times to get me to let him go down on me during that time of the month…but I don’t think I could ever get that comfortable with it.

    I think it would probably bother me if I were in your situation. I keep everything clean shaven just because the hair bothers me sometimes, but SO could care less as long as its not unruly. lol

    The topic ‘Oral disparity (TMI)’ is closed to new replies.

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