Post # 1
So i dont have a good relationship with her to start, cultural differances im English and reserved and shes Dutch and upfront with her thoughts (which doesnt mix well). Anyhow i said to my partner to invite her, its nice for her to be involved her son is getting married- shes paying for the suit and im sure she would love to be there.
I had in mind tuxes for the grooms party, its classic and formal and it doesnt really go out of fashion and i adore how it looks on photos. From the moment i started speaking to the sales assistant i had her talk over me, my choices were either old fashioned “my grandad wore a tux, they cant wear tux’s- we dont wear tuxs in Holland” or huffing and puffing when i tried to find other options. Its just SO hard to ignore negativity?! I felt myself shutting down- infact i had to walk out and phone my mum to rant!
Anyhow because she wouldnt shut up, i found a nice taupe coloured suit, the sales assistant told me “ignore the jacket we are just using it for the colour at the moment” so i said okay. Well his mum was ooohing and ahhing and “much better than a tux, cant have him in a tux” (i felt like throwing a punch her way) and then next minute we apparently decided this was the suit AND the colour and he was being pinned for his size? So i said but i dont like the jacket? Then i got an enslaught of the jacket needs to be big for his arms to move blah blah (in other words shut up, we are buying this and thats that) .
Anyway, ive got this bloody suit i dont know if i like it – i dont know if he even likes or if he was saying yes to please his mum ( he does it an awful lot) iv tried to envision it by putting us side by side. So honest opinions please because if you guys dont like it then im taking the thing back and the mil is coming nowhere near! P.s i love the colour- its the jacket that bothers me.
Post # 2
If YOU hate it, return it! Our opinions don’t matter here. To me, this is less about a suit jacket and more about setting a standard for your relationship with her. If you let her dictate the suit, you’re teaching her that she can treat you that way. She obviously has no problem making her opinion known, so I wouldn’t feel bad about being just as open with your own opinions with her.
Today, it’s a suit jacket. Tomorrow, it could be the decor or the food or any other thing. Down the road, it’s the house you buy. The car you purchase. The decisions you make for any potential children. SHUT. IT. DOWN.
ETA: Forgot that you mentioned she paid for the suit. That does back you into a corner. If you can swing it, but the new suit yourself and give her the money back.
Also, forgot to mention that you look incredible!
ETA2: It’s also an issue that he let his mother steamroll you like that and will just go along with her. You need to have a conversation with him about how he disrespected you by being a bystander to her behavior. If he truly liked her idea better, he should have said it to you right then and there. Otherwise, he needed to stick up for you.
Post # 3
For what it’s worth, I think your outfits will look lovely together, but if you’re unhappy with it it’s irrelevant really.
Post # 4
Is there a better jacket in mind? can you post it here?
Post # 5
I think they go beautifully together. I like it, but our opinions on here don’t matter. It’s what you two think that matters, and more importantly whether HE likes it. If he likes it, honestly likes it and isn’t just saying that to please his mother, I think you need to let it go. Has he seen your dress and given you his approval of it? I am assuming not, as most brides (including me) won’t or haven’t shown their partner their wedding dress. A similar thing here, although the bride is usually more involved in the groom’s suit picking than the other way around. However, that said, I will probably have significant input into FI’s suit, but at the end of the day he is the one that has to wear it and he should love it!
I second PP’s suggestion of getting a new suit but paying for it yourselves and returning the money to your Future Mother-In-Law. Unless of course, your Fiance loves this suit and wants to get married in it.
Another possibility is getting the matching jacket in a smaller size, or if possible (I don’t know anything about tailoring) getting it altered to be a slimmer fit.
Post # 6
kreeneth: I think it looks lovely but it depends what your Fiance thinks really!
Post # 7
Your dress is beautiful. I’m sorry about your mother in law. I do not like that suit. It looks like something that a funeral director would wear. Whether she paid for it or not, you both should have a say. She’s had plenty enough to say already.
Post # 8
Well it’s your FI’s body and he whom needs to be happy/comfortable. It has nothing to do with you or your Mother-In-Law.
So,…the first step would be asking Fiance if he likes it and if it’s what he wants. If he says yes, let it go. If no, then he needs to talk to his mother and request returning it. Then he needs to choose what he wants without either of you dictating. I would almost suggest he goes with a friend or on his own to not feel swayed by any sides.
I would also agree that he should pay for the suit on his own if his mother feels that involved in it.
Post # 9
From the photo, I can’t see anything wrong with the suit. But the shirt and bow tie do not work with it at all. Completely mismatched styles.
Post # 10
Your opinion on the suit matters a whole lot less than your fi’s. He has to wear it.
Post # 11
I’d be more annoyed with your Fiance than your Future Mother-In-Law. If you two agreed that he would get a tux, he should have spoken up and insisited on a tux. He should be battling his mother, not you.
Post # 12
Why does it matter what you OR his mother think? It only matters that he likes what he wears. Where is he in this?
Post # 13
Honestly, since he didn’t speak up, and she paid for it, I think it’s fair she got what she wanted.
Post # 14
She paid for it, sounds like he didn’t say anything, so you’re stuck. Sorry! This isn’t a hill worth dying on. If you want a tux, pay for it yourselves.
Post # 15
This is FI’s suit, which makes it his problem. If he doesn’t like it and doesn’t have the courage to stand up to his mother, picture the rest of your life.