(Closed) Organising your own hen do – who should pay?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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laura1206 :  It’s pretty common to arrange your own hen.  Paying for them will just depend on the financial situation, if they’re able to come and how much you want them there. 

Post # 3
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Your wedding is two years away right? It’s tricky because their financial situations could change by then but if you suggest it soon I’m sure they’ll let you know if they are happy to go to a spa. They’re your family so it shouldn’t be awkward to just ask them.

Post # 4
Member
706 posts
Busy bee

Tell them what you’d like to do and how much it will cost. I’m sure they’ll be happy to pay for themselves, it’s one day not a weekend of events and partying. If it’s not affordable for them then you offer to pay for them. 

Post # 5
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think everyone should pay their own way. Get feedback and see whether they’d be interested . 

Post # 6
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’d expect to pay my own way if you invited me to a spa hen day.

Post # 7
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee

I would pay for the bulk of it such as spa treatments and accommodation but maybe extras like food and drink if you’re going out, they can pay themselves. Just do your research and give a heads up on any costs they will incur

Post # 8
Member
3359 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m suprised by the previous posts…organizing your own hen do is NOT okay. It’s never ok to throw a party in your own honor. You want to skip the bridal party? Fine. But there are other sacrifice that you make in the process. You should NOT be planning your own party, let alone planning it and then asking other people to pay for it. Smh. 

Post # 10
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

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catskillsinjune :  Rules/ etiquette not the same in every country but anyway, this is just the OP and her sisters and mum. It’s not a massive hen party. Also said she would be happy to pay.

Post # 11
Member
9160 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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catskillsinjune :  This exactly. We have hens here and it is not ok to plan your own. A hen party is a bachelorette or stagette and neither of those are ok to throw for yourself.

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laura1206 :  You can organise a day out with your mum and sisters but you shouldn’t call it a hens and unless you are willing to pay for it then you should make it 100% clear that it is optional i.e hey guys I am planning on going to xyz spa just before the wedding. if any of you are interested in coming along here are the prices/spa menu, just let me know what treatments you are interested in and I will book it.

Post # 12
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

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catskillsinjune :  As OP is most likely British (just guessing with the use of the word hen) things are different from the States. No one would collapse in shock if a bride organised their own Hen. Often some brides feel it’s easier as they can be mixing different groups. Also, traditionally it’s more of a party night than an event with a request for presents, although spa days are often picked for the less partying bride.

 

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laura1206 :  I’m sure your family would be fine covering the costs, especially when you have a wedding to pay for. You could cover dinner if you wanted to thank them for coming. 

Post # 14
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

for your mom and sisters, if you are able to afford it, you can.  but it shouldn’t be a problem for them to pay either.

i’ve done spa days for bach and birthdays and we just pay our own way.

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