(Closed) Organising your own hen do – who should pay?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

 Yeah… Huge cultural differences between US & UK. In the UK, we expect no gifts and are just looking for an excuse to drink wine in the middle of the day.

OP, call it whatever you want.

ETA: Traditionally the hens pay for the party and cover the cost of the bride between them – since you are organizing, you could half in with family? PPs are right, just talk to them nearer the time.

Post # 17
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I really don’t get the ‘you can’t plan your own party’ etiquette…..isn’t planning a party in our honour and accepting gifts what a wedding reception is?

I think what you have planned sounds nice. If it’s financially do-able for you to pay for your mum and sisters I think it would be a nice gesture. If it’s a bit of a stretch then either offer to pay for part as one Bee suggested or everyone can cover themselves. If everyone is going to pay for themselves though, make sure it’s within a reasonable price range so no-one has to decline for financial reasons.

Post # 18
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper

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laura1206 :  I don’t know too much about hen dos, but I think if you organized it, then I think you’d pay for it?

Post # 19
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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dublingirl :  yeah, i picked up on the British thing – I’m actually very familiar with the UK wedding customs, having family and friends there and attended many weddings (in fact, I’m traveling to Scotland in September for one). but thanks for the super patronizing response.

it’s not ok to plan a party in your own honor, period. if OP wants to have a spa day with her mom and sis, she can do so…but then it’s not a hen do. it’s simply, “hey mom and sis, i was thinking it might be nice to have a spa day together before the wedding since we don’t get to spend a lot of time together. are you two interested?”

Post # 20
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha :  a reception is not supposed to be a party in your honor, it’s supposed to be a thank you to your guests for coming to your wedding. in fact, a reception doesn’t have to be a party at all.

furthermore, traditionally, a couple would never host their own reception (which is why it was often paid for by parents, as they were the hosts). times have changed, and parents are no longer expected to host a wedding, so this has relaxed and it’s no longer considered rude for a couple to host their own reception – but again, it’s not supposed to be in the spirit of “COME GIVE ME GIFTS” but rather, “please come join us for our wedding, and we’d like to thank you for doing so by feeding you”

Post # 21
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

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catskillsinjune :  wow oversensitive much??? I was explaining a cultural difference which I didn’t think you had taken into account because this side of the pond and I include Ireland in that, it’s not as big of a deal. 

enjoy your visit to Scotland in September!! 

Post # 22
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

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laura1206 :  without a shadow of a doubt you pay every penny for everything. If you organize your own party and let people pay it looks awful and that you are asking to be treated which is obnoxious and you dont seem like an obnoxious party. i would change the name to make it more clear that you are treating people and are not doing this for the attention, gifts, or that this is mandatory. Call it something like Thank you From Laura Spa Day.

Post # 23
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

What’s a hen do?  Reading about what you want to do and judging from the replies it seems like it might be a bachelorette party? Or a bridal shower? I’m not familiar with this term. 

Post # 24
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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catskillsinjune : You obviously aren’t that familiar with UK wedding customs because it is completely normal to plan your own hen.  

Post # 25
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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catskillsinjune :  lol you’re just spoiling for an argument with everyone aren’t you? I’m going to throw my own birthday party and write ‘Gifts Mandatory’ on the invites, just to piss you off tongue-out

Post # 27
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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summerrain123 :  I don’t see why changing the name would be needed for clarity on gifts not being necessary, gifts are not a part of hen parties at all so no one would assume that.  And how is OP ‘asking to be treated?’

Post # 29
Member
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

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2ndchance :  Yes it’s a a bacherlorette party. No gifts given. Though as OP has since clarified, this isn’t really a hen party, more of a spa getaway with her mum and sisters.

Post # 30
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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summerrain123 :  I can point out the multiple errors in your post and be relaxed at the same time. 

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