(Closed) ot: Speak up or butt out?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
849 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t confront her about it, but I’d make sure to keep the lines of communication open and let her know you’re there if she ever needs help.

Post # 4
14 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

You have to say something.

I recently posted about how a misdemeanor traffic conviction – which seems small – may keep me from my dream job. You can Google the ramifications of a misdemeanor if you want. They’re not great. This woman needs to keep herself clean and honest for her children’s sake; she is going to need to support them for a long time, and it will forever be on her record getting her rejected from jobs and housing – yes, it’s true, even housing – if she gets caught stealing. No baby outfit it worth the damage a misdemeanor can do. 

If I were you, I would put it like that. In this way, it won’t be judgement coming from you, but you caring about her long-term prospects for a good life. As my mom always said to me, “I will always forgive you, no matter what you do, but there are ways you can mess up where I just won’t be able to help you at all even if I want to,” and I thought that was really wise and a good way to present it to someone who is potentially in trouble but doesn’t like to be judged.

Post # 5
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think ElizabethAnne said it very well – let her know in a calm, non-confrontational way that you saw her take the outfit and ask her if everything is ok – ask if there is anything you can do to help (give her a small loan, watch the kids during Dr. appts/job interview, etc., offer to take her grocery shopping). Ask if everything is going well with the bf – but be careful, because if he is abusive as you say, she’ll probably be defensive of him and may shut you out. Mostly just keep the lines of communication open with her, let her know you care and want to help, and stress to her the ramifications of her actions. Short-term that outfit may be nice for her child and saved her >$10, but long-term it could mean serious consequences for her and her children.

Post # 6
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m on the fence because PP gave some really solid advice, but my first reaction is she’s the kind of person that needs to learn the hard way.

Post # 7
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with PP that you should talk to her about it (but not confront). Let her know you are not judging her and you understand how hard things are but thats not the way to get what she needs. Let her know you are here for her and to let you know if the kids need something.

Post # 8
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would mention something to her along the lines of, “I have a friend that saw her ‘sister’ shop lift something. She knows times are tough and that her boyfriend has a temper, so she worries about her. But she would do anything for her. The reason she is so worried is bacause I told her about this person I read about in the Wed bee forum that lost a job/housing because of a misdemeanor. She is so worried that this could happen to her sister. What do you think she should do? Should she say something to her sister?”

How she answers that will tell you how to proceed.

Post # 9
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@KoiKove: i think that might be a great way to go about it, that way she doesn’t feel like she is talking directly about her

The topic ‘ot: Speak up or butt out?’ is closed to new replies.

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