Post # 1
So my Maid/Matron of Honor told me yesterday that she feels she can no longer be a part of my wedding because she’s decided to follow her boyfriend across the country next month. I am devistated and heartbroken, worst part she is pushing to act just like nothing happened and to “not let it hurt our friendship” but to be honest I don’t know how. I asked her for some space to get over it and just breathe, I am the kind of person who needs some space. I just dont know how to move past it.
So for all you other bees out there who has had something similar happen, do you have any advice? How did you get over it? Where are you and that friend now? Did everything go smoothly between you two? I just need some help because I love her but I feel a bit slapped in the face even though I know she didn’t mean to hurt me. Ugh.
Post # 2
Your wedding is half a year away. Can’t she just fly back for the wedding and stand with you? She may not be able to plan parties but if she can attend the wedding, that’s all that matters.
Post # 3
I don’t understand why her moving across the country would preclude her from being your Maid/Matron of Honor…
What am I missing here?
Post # 4
mrsnitti17 : Hey! While I do find it strange that she can’t just come visit for your wedding, but I did have two bridesmaids drop out. They’re my cousins and originally they were gung-ho about being involved. When I asked them, they knew where the wedding was (five hour flight from them), the date, everything.
So five months later when my Maid/Matron of Honor texts them asking if they wanted to help with the stagette, they said that they wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding anymore and won’t be attending as guests either. To my Maid/Matron of Honor – not me! Eventually they told me (not knowing I knew already). It was all very strange, but the reasons were that they couldn’t get it off work. I know for a fact that they didn’t ask for it off and are using it as an excuse. Its a bummer and has definitely affected our relationship. Not because they can’t be bridesmaids, but because of the run-around and telling my Maid/Matron of Honor before me. They’re younger, 19 and 21, so I guess they’re more immature than I thought. Now their parents (my aunt and uncle) are doing the same thing – giving us the run around on if they’re coming or not. Very strange, but I will remember this when they get married.
So it sounds like your friend was at least cordial about dropping out. Not much you can do. My Fiance has four groomsmen, and I now have two, but even sides don’t matter. I had to get over that as we had planned for four bridesmaids, but you don’t want randoms up there. Just talk to your friend – can you offer to pay for her accomodation so she can travel back? Anything to help?
Post # 5
mrsnitti17 : I have a friend in law school who may be doing a summer internship in Columbia, she’ll find out in a few weeks if she can or not. I’ll be bummed if she can’t but I also get life is bigger than my one day. It won’t impact our relationship. This is one day in the course of a lifetime.
Post # 6
I guess I also don’t understand why she can’t still be your bridesmaid? All of my bridesmaids live out of state and one even lives out of the country. Either way, I had 2 bridesmaids bail a month before the wedding, and while we are cordial, we are not as close as before. It was fine, I didn’t want anyone in my wedding that didn’t want to be.
Post # 7
angelinagonzalez : llevinso : eurasianbee : Hey bees, sorry I wasn’t more clear, I guess I was writting the previous post from a place of sadness and should have given more details. When I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor I knew she would would be leaving 3 weeks before my wedding for Grad school but she said it was fine, that she could fly back as she currently has a great job and has been saving for school and I was originally part of her budget. However, her new choice means that she will be leaving her well paying job to live off her current savings until she leaves for grad school which leaves no money to come back for my wedding
Post # 8
Ziggy2112 : Im sorry to hear that happened to you. Im impressed that you seem so calm about it. I am honestly just sad. Her accomodations are not an issue as her mom lives in my town and she would just be at home for the week. Unforunatly I cannot afford the extra expense as my budget is already tight
Post # 9
My best friend backed out of my wedding because she didn’t like my fiance. We lost touch for many years – turns out she was right, he was an awful, abusive drug addict. All these years later she wishes she had said nothing and been there for me anyway. People do things for different reasons, perhaps it’s a blessing she’s not going to be in your wedding and you can surround yourself with people who want to be there. If your friendship is meant to survive, it will.
Post # 10
mrsnitti17 : I have actually had all the people I picked for the wedding nail except for 1. My high school BFF can’t because he started a new job. He’s a pilot and low man on the totem pole and only gets one weekend a month off work. He can’t guarantee which weekend, so he said it would be a game time decision.
My middle school BFF was all set. I was flying out to help her pick out a dress next weekend, and she decided she was taking a job on a cruise and she now won’t be around that weekend. Not only did she HATE working on a cruise the last time she did it, she makes double currently what she will on the cruise. So I’m very hurt and heartbroken by this. My dad was in the Navy and she is my oldest friend and the one person I talk to everyday. I’m out my flight and hotel, or I can just go anyway for no reason. Which doesn’t sound fun either. Since she told me we have only talked once in about a week, when we used to talk multiple times a day.
My other friend from middle school who I was reunited with during gradschool because we lived in the same area again lives out of the country. Today he told me he’s also in my exbf’s wedding and he can’t afford to do both, so he’s doing my ex’s. Which I’m really bitter about because I introduced them when we were dating and I’m also the reason they started hanging out again about 5 years ago.
I now only have 1 person I picked and he’s officiating our wedding. My fiancé has SEVEN. I literally don’t have anyone to stand with me. So yeah, I’m very hurt and it absolutely will hurt our friendships which have lasted 20 years and crossed oceans multiple times.
Post # 11
I wish this was a post with tons of tips of how I was able to move on and get past the hurt & embarrassment….but its not. I SO feel your pain. I still struggle with the feelings. And the closer it gets to my wedding day the more anxiety I feel about it. I just try to grin and bear it as best I can. Hugs bee XOXO
Post # 12
My best friend for the last 14 years bailed on me because she wanted to go to on a trip with a guy she just started seeing for 3 months. We have a lot of mutual friends and her parents were even flying all the way here for the wedding. When the wedding rolled around, she avoided all social media and any posts wedding related. Our friendship is now strained, we’re not actively fighting or anything but we’re definitely not close anymore. It’s been made clear to me that her priorities are boys and while that’s her decision/life which I respect, I don’t have to settle for that.