Post # 1
There have been a few couples that announced they were divorcing lately and I was wondering how other Bees handle this with their SO. I personally have been close-mouthed about these friends and don’t bring up the divorce proceedings unless I absolutely have to because, as a waiting Bee, I don’t want to inspire cold feet!
Just wondering if other people feel the same way or if I am just being overly cautious!
Post # 3
@cali_cat: I didn’t have to deal with it myself, but your logic is a bit strange:
You’re worried that your Fiance will break off the relationship…so he won’t have to hypothetically break up the relationship later?
I mean, you know your Fiance and whether or not he’s really superstitious, but it’s something that’ll probably come up eventually if it’s your circle of friends…
Post # 4
No, I don’t think he’ll break things off at all. More that I have a fear that he might want to wait even longer before proposing if he hears about all these couples falling apart.
I think it is an irrational fear but I’d rather play it safe. And these aren’t couples that he knows well – these are friends from work and friends from highschool that he doesn’t know.
Maybe I should have added that part in – that I know I’m being crazy but I’d rather play things safe than sorry!
Post # 5
@cali_cat: Ooooohhhhhh–i’m sorry–I didnt’ connect that you were waiting. Well, in that case, he might, but divorces will happen and take solace in the fact that yours is a different relationship from theirs. But to not make a commitment because divorce is a possibility is still a bit strange to me. Morbid, but death is a possibility too, and people still get married. I mean, why go out on a first date at all if getting dumped could happen?
Post # 6
Everyone knows that divorce happens. Including your boyfriend. I wouldn’t stress about it.
Post # 7
I tend to think of these as great opportunities to talk about your respective views on divorce, commitment, and what you each believe leads to divorce, or keeps a marriage happy and healthy, and what you would do if times got more difficult or one or both of you were unhappy (views on counseling? Divorce? Separation?).
Any chance to learn more about each other..whether you have been together a week or ten years, dating or married, you are 20 or 90 (might be harder to HEAR the responses at that age though!). Never stop being curious about each other!
It is not like your SO does not know divorce exists. Seems silly to me to not communicate because you fear him not wanting to marry because friends of yours are getting divorced.
Post # 9
i get where you’re coming from. my SO is surrounded by male family members who have had divorces, and just a few years ago, he was still petrified at the thought of marriage, because he’s seen so much failures of it growing up. i think it was one of the reasons that made us break up after 3.5 years (we were apart for 2 whole years before getting back together). but now that he’s a little older and more life-experienced, he’s turned that fear around to a positive thing, that he’s 100% sure about marrying me and that he is determined to have the marriage that sticks. i’m proud of him for coming round like this, since i know how much it devastated him when his parents divorced when he was still quite young.
seeing and hearing of divorces can scare you sometimes, but it can also empower you! is what i’m trying to say, i think. i agree with raykay, it’s probably a great catalyst for starting up a conversation about what you both think causes divorces to happen, how you would potentially work through it, etc.
Post # 10
I totally hear you here. Although, we’re young and there have been no divorces within our friends, there are a lot in his family (including his parents). When I once brought it up to him, he said he thinks men can go either way – they can duplicate what their father did (or what they see in other people), or they can use it to empower them to go the other way and be a ‘better man’.
If you think he thinks about it, probably best to bring it up, air your concerns and chat with him? you know him best though. Good luck!
Post # 11
I think in a scenario where it’s your close friends or family members, bringing it up is painful and could make anyone have the thoughts “well if they split, how could my marriage possibly have a chance?” I would feel this way if my aunt and uncle ever split up or my grandparents. Those are marriages I’ve always looked up to as the ideal marriage.
So in short, I completely understand.
Post # 12
We’ve been together 4.5 years, and have seen several couples get married and divorced in the time we’ve been together. I agree with PP that it’s a great opportunity to learn more about each other and how you intend to deal with future possible issues. Look at it as a chance to help build a stronger foundation for your relationship. Also, recognize those areas where you’re doing things “right”, and discuss how you can continue to build on that.
Post # 13
We don’t know of anyone getting divorced, but we both know of a few couples who are miserable together. We just talk about it and look at it as an example of what we don’t want to be like and think of ways to not end up in the same situation together. It doesn’t worry either one of us really though. I mean I’m not afraid that someone else’s bad decision of mishap is going to inspire cold feet in my SO because our relationship isn’t in the same predicament as others.