Post # 1
As some of you may know I’m desperately trying to become happy in my own skin and trying not to feel miserable that my SO won’t propose (I feel like he doesn’t want me because he keeps moving the timeline and can’t give me any reason why we can’t be engaged – nothing tangeable anyway)
Anyway, I am struggling due to other people saying things that are getting to me –
For example, last night my SO’s sister and I were joking about slipping her Mum some alcohol in her coffee (purely a joke, she was driving and we’re not stupid) anyway she said: “Yeah, prob not a good idea – it wouldn’t look good in the Mother-in-Law stakes”
It was so hard for me not to say: “She’s not my mother-in-law” or “there’s no plans for that” or something along those lines. I know she didn’t mean anything bad by it at all but after nearly two years of comments like that from assorted members of SO’s family I really can’t take it – I want to scream that I’ve asked him several times and he won’t marry me so to drop the subject because I’m too hurt to hear it.
Wondered if any other Bees shared my pain
Post # 3
I totally understand, my boyfriend has not propossed yet since we both agreed we are going to finish school first but we have been togethor for almost 4 years and I get this a lot from out friends and family. His mother acutally treats me like I am already her daughter in law and sometimes introduces me as her son`s fiance which makes me happy because I know that they have accepted me and that I am part of the family but sometimes it just hurts knowing that I am not there yet
Post # 4
@braz: Thanks :-). I’m glad I’m not alone – it sounds silly but I get a physical pain inside when people say something like that. It was the second comment in a week and I know both people meant it in a nice way (they’re both lovely and I know they would never say anything to hurt me) but it still hurts.
Post # 5
I’m with you girl, totally with you. I hate when his family calls me his sister in law but then love it at the same time because I love his family. It’s a catch 22.
Post # 6
@Scottish_lassie: I do, but I can’t imagine how painful that is!
I now know my love plans to marry me, thank God! But up till recently I had no idea, so whenever his mom talked about planning vacations and upcoming holidays and adding me always in and all their comments, it did hurt.
….if you’re not happy why are you staying?
Post # 7
I hear ya, but had kind of a different problem…when we got engaged, there were a few “it’s about time” comments from my side of the family. And the judgmental tone really annoyed me. I LOVED our years together as “just” boyfriend/girlfriend, and I look forward to loving our years together as husband/wife.
On the other hand, my fiance’s family started calling me an in-law within a year of us dating. So for them, I’ve kind of been an in-law for four years already. 🙂 Common-law marriage is very much alive and well in south Texas, so foregoing a wedding and official marriage is fairly common there. I took it as a compliment that they accepted me into their family without requiring a marriage license. But then again, I wasn’t in any rush to get married, so calling me an in-law never made me feel sad that I technically wasn’t.
Each in his/her own time (or not! I know this is a wedding board, but marriage is NOT required for people to have lifelong love!). I say enjoy your time together as boyfriend/girlfriend (or whatever you call it if you call it anything)! Down the road, if your boyfriend is still reluctant and you truly believe he’s the “cat’s meow,” then I’d suggest talking with him about the legal benefits of marriage. Honestly, three years of law school persuaded me that marriage is pretty awesome (and so are prenups, haha). I don’t know how it works in Scotland, but in most states, being married carries significant legal benefits (and this weighed on my mind when I considered us having children).
Post # 8
I’m with you! I have a timeline, so my situation is a little different, but SO’s mom just got re-married this month and at the wedding she introduced me to everyone as her “daughter-in-law” and kept telling everyone we would be married by the end of next year. I just smiled and nodded because I didn’t want to be rude–and the thought was nice. I even had someone come up to me and say, “CONGRATULATIONS!” in front of a huge group of people and I just looked at her and said, “What?” and she goes “Oh, goodness! I didn’t ruin it did I? You ARE engaged aren’t you?” I wanted to scream.
Post # 9
Yeah, that is a little insensitive. I’m sure since he’s their little darling, it never occurs to them that it might be his fault that you haven’t gotten engaged, and that it is painful for you that it hasn’t happened. Maybe you could talk to him about it, though, and he could delicately say something to them about avoiding that terminology.
Post # 10
@Scottish_lassie: While I can understand your pain, I’d try to just breathe and let it go. I’ve been with my SO for four years so we just call each others parents our ‘mother-in-law’ or ‘father-in-law’ when we’re talking about them. It’s just so much easier than explaining my boyfriends dad & mum etc. I just call his brother my brother because we get along & on occasion I’ve called his Dad papa bear. On the other hand I have 5 siblings and SO isn’t really close with any of them but he just say’s ‘perri’s sister’ etc. etc.