(Closed) Other People’s Comments…about our Relationship

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I totally understand, my boyfriend has not propossed yet since we both agreed we are going to finish school first but we have been togethor for almost 4 years and I get this a lot from out friends and family. His mother acutally treats me like I am already her daughter in law and sometimes introduces me as her son`s fiance which makes me happy because I know that they have accepted me and that I am part of the family but sometimes it just hurts knowing that I am not there yet

Post # 5
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I’m with you girl, totally with you. I hate when his family calls me his sister in law but then love it at the same time because I love his family. It’s a catch 22.

Post # 6
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Scottish_lassie:  I do, but I can’t imagine how painful that is! 

I now know my love plans to marry me, thank God! But up till recently I had no idea, so whenever his mom talked about planning vacations and upcoming holidays and adding me always in and all their comments, it did hurt.

….if you’re not happy why are you staying?  

 

 

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hear ya, but had kind of a different problem…when we got engaged, there were a few “it’s about time” comments from my side of the family.  And the judgmental tone really annoyed me.  I LOVED our years together as “just” boyfriend/girlfriend, and I look forward to loving our years together as husband/wife.

On the other hand, my fiance’s family started calling me an in-law within a year of us dating.  So for them, I’ve kind of been an in-law for four years already.  🙂  Common-law marriage is very much alive and well in south Texas, so foregoing a wedding and official marriage is fairly common there.  I took it as a compliment that they accepted me into their family without requiring a marriage license.  But then again, I wasn’t in any rush to get married, so calling me an in-law never made me feel sad that I technically wasn’t.

Each in his/her own time (or not! I know this is a wedding board, but marriage is NOT required for people to have lifelong love!).  I say enjoy your time together as boyfriend/girlfriend (or whatever you call it if you call it anything)!  Down the road, if your boyfriend is still reluctant and you truly believe he’s the “cat’s meow,” then I’d suggest talking with him about the legal benefits of marriage.  Honestly, three years of law school persuaded me that marriage is pretty awesome (and so are prenups, haha).  I don’t know how it works in Scotland, but in most states, being married carries significant legal benefits (and this weighed on my mind when I considered us having children).

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I’m with you! I have a timeline, so my situation is a little different, but SO’s mom just got re-married this month and at the wedding she introduced me to everyone as her “daughter-in-law” and kept telling everyone we would be married by the end of next year. I just smiled and nodded because I didn’t want to be rude–and the thought was nice. I even had someone come up to me and say, “CONGRATULATIONS!” in front of a huge group of people and I just looked at her and said, “What?” and she goes “Oh, goodness! I didn’t ruin it did I? You ARE engaged aren’t you?” I wanted to scream.

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, that is a little insensitive.  I’m sure since he’s their little darling, it never occurs to them that it might be his fault that you haven’t gotten engaged, and that it is painful for you that it hasn’t happened.  Maybe you could talk to him about it, though, and he could delicately say something to them about avoiding that terminology. 

Post # 10
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

@Scottish_lassie:  While I can understand your pain, I’d try to just breathe and let it go. I’ve been with my SO for four years so we just call each others parents our ‘mother-in-law’ or ‘father-in-law’ when we’re talking about them. It’s just so much easier than explaining my boyfriends dad & mum etc. I just call his brother my brother because we get along & on occasion I’ve called his Dad papa bear. On the other hand I have 5 siblings and SO isn’t really close with any of them but he just say’s ‘perri’s sister’ etc. etc.

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