Post # 1
I honestly just need to vent a bit. So my best friend spilled the beans, my boyfriend picked up the ring last week. She also spilled that when he showed my mom what he picked, she thought he went cheap. She thinks he should have gotten something else.
I know I should take it with a grain of salt, my mom has never thought anybody I’ve brought home or considered dating was good enough for me, until him. I also feel like she subscribes to that whole three months salary thing, which I don’t believe in. It would also mean him getting a ring I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing because I would be terrified of losing it or damaging it. I don’t wear jewelry to begin with outside of one plain gold band on my right ring finger, for me to get something expensive or big wouldn’t make sense.
When we were looking at rings, none of the rings I liked were more than $1500, that’s just how I am. I would rather us put that money towards a house, or him paying to his truck. He was pushing me towards bigger and more expensive rings, and I always ended up at the cheaper end because I thought they were prettier.
I just don’t want to feel like we need to justify something to people that don’t seem to know what we want. I know his family was trying to push the bigger is better thing too, and I feel like we may get some side eyes from it. I know they mean well, they all really do, but why pass judgement on a couple that is planning out a future past the rings??
Post # 2
This is only the first of many things that others will try to get involved in when it’s only the business of you and your husband. Next it’ll be your wedding plans, when to have children, what house to buy, how to raise your children, etc. Learn to phase it out and be happy that your almost fiancé made a decision you are both happy with.
Post # 3
WTF, what kind of friend says that? It’s one thing to think it but to actually tell you “by the way your Boyfriend or Best Friend went cheap on your ring” – before you’ve even seen the ring? I’m sorry but that’s a bitch move.
I get being annoyed bee, I’ve felt that way too when a few people could barely muster up a comment when they first saw my ring because it wasn’t multiple carats (or even one carat). I have a modest ring even though we could have afforded more, and I love it. It’s vintage and thus unique, which means so much to me. I never want to upgrade it.
It’s fine if you want a more expensive ring for yourself but to judge another person’s relationship because they chose not to throw down 3 months salary or more on a ring is just a dick move. It’s so superficial. Next time someone makes a dig lke this I would sass them right back, “actually I was the one who insisted on a smaller ring, I can’t imagine feeling the need to spend such a huge chunk of money on a piece of jewelry.” SMILE. Not the most mature response but it would be hard to resist!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
Your best friend’s attitude was SO not appropriate, which makes me wonder if it’s because she couldn’t control her unconscious jealousy.
Post # 5
Your best friend is a blabber mouth! (Sorry!) anyway, people look down on me for having a moissanite. They don’t say it but I can see it in their eyes. Or maybe I’m just paranoid haha! Whatever. There are more important things in life. Just smile, tell them you love it, and move on. If they want to make an issue of it, that says a lot about them, as they’re not even the ones wearing it!
Post # 6
1 – Unless you asked her specifically to keep you posted on your proposal developments, your friend is quite tacky to ruin the surprise for you.
2 – No matter how much fuss people here and IRL make over the ring, it’s just a ring. Literally it is just a ring, a thing. People matter, possessions do not. You shouldn’t feel the need to justify anything to anyone with regard to their opinion of the ring.
3 – Anecdotal, but if my mother or mother in law had anything to say about the ring other than “it’s gorgeous”, I’d set them straight and just move on. Life is too short for this drama.
Post # 7
shannonagins : It sounds like your friend told you what your mom said so you would be prepared, not to be hateful. I’ve seen gorgeous $500 rings and rings I couldn’t believe someone paid $10,000 for because they were hideous so maybe it’s just the style is unappealing to your mother. Not everyone likes the same thing. I know my mom dislikes halos and that’s what I have. It doesn’t impact our relationship in any way and suggest you not let your mom’s private comment damage your relationship.
Post # 8
Thank you bees. I think hearing it just kinda hurt at the moment because I know my SO takes what I like into account for things like jewelry, and he also wouldn’t buy something if it didn’t scream my name the moment he saw it.
My friend does have a blabber mouth, she’s been bursting at the seams for months and I know she’s been trying really hard to keep the secret. She’s also very sensitive and takes everything negative extremely hard, so I do think she was just trying to let me know ahead of time.
Honestly, if he wanted to propose with a book or stuffed animal, I would be more than happy to accept. Because it means more to be with the person that makes my heart sing.
I think the hardest thing to understand is why a ring is something bad to cheap out on, when they know we are aiming to buy a house and our goal is to pay off our cars as soon as possible. I know inside, once it’s been placed on my finger, they’re all going to be happy, I think I’m just confused until then.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2016 - Temecula, California
Some people can be really inconsiderate. Your friend is probably jealous that you are going through a new exciting time. Your mom shouldn’t have said that. She should just be excited for you. Sorry they made you feel bad about it. This is an exciting time for you so enjoy it! Your boyfriend knows you and picked out your ring with you in mind, not your mom or your friend. Congrats and I can’t wait to see pictures!
Post # 10
Try this line on your mom: “Thanks, but he got me exactly what I wanted.”
Anyone who gives either of you crap for not spending more on a (sorry but) useless rock is 1000% out of line and shitty. I can’t imagine what would go through someone’s head to make them think they had ANY right to an opinion on that, let alone to tell you or someone close to you about it. I know it’s family but family can still be gross sometimes.
Good for you for knowing your priorities and sticking to them!
Post # 11
You’re the one wearing it, as long as you love it that’s all that matters
FWIW I was similar to you and didn’t want something very expensive that I would constantly be worried about losing! Most of the jewelry I wear is quite dainty. I also knew I didn’t want a diamond as I love coloured gemstones. Fiance knew all that and we went with a small tsavorite garnet in a high enough setting for a wedding ring to sit flush, but not so high it gets in my way. I know lots of people who see it are like ‘why?’, but I love it and it’s just what I wanted and that’s what matters.
Also agree your friend shouldn’t be telling you any of this!