(Closed) Others getting engaged quickly?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
1436 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly, who cares? It’s their choice. As long as they’re happy and doing what they want to do, it’s no big thing. 

Post # 3
7567 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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akm57:  If there is one thing I’ve learned in life it’s to not worry about what others are doing and only worry about yourself. There are so many factors that go into when and why to get married. Most of my friends got engaged and married pretty young, like 22/23 and right after college and after 1-4 years together. DH and I got married at 27 & 30 after 12 years together. Some of them are still married 10+ years later, and some were divorced within 1-3 years. Likewise, almost all of them had kids within 1-2 years of being married. My BFF and her DH have a 10 year old, and I still haven’t had any. Is their jealously? Of course, we’re all human. That being said, I know that my timeline works for DH and I and since we’re the only two people who have to life our life that’s what matters.

Post # 4
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t blame you for wondering about these couples.  Young relationships simply take more time to grow and develop just because both parties ARE growing and maturing at such a fast rate.  I’m not saying younger love doesn’t work because obviously it can…I’m saying that in your late teens and early 20’s you don’t necessarily know what you are looking for in a relationship.  It takes time and experience to truly determine that.  It’s one thing if a couple is 22 and has been together for 4 years, but only one year?  Makes me wary  It’s different in your mid-late 20’s than it is in your early 20’s.  Hopefully these couples grow together but if they don’t I wouldn’t be surprised if they were divorced within 5 years.

We are in our late 20’s and got engaged at 26 and 28 respectively we actually got some flak for getting engaged after only a year together.  We are married now at 27 and 29 and we got married less than two years after our first date.  One of my friends told me she thought us being together for a year before getting engaged was too short of a time, but at this point in our lives we knew what we wanted and what kind of partner we were looking for.  It felt right and it still feels right.  But if I had done that same thing and gotten engaged after being with my boyfriend for a year at 22?  I would have made a pretty major mistake.

Post # 5
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Honestly I think its too soon. But that’s my opinion. I know of people who got married after weeks of being together and have been happily married for years. I just can’t imagine doing it myself. I barely knew my Fiance after a few montha. Each to their own though, if they’re happy that’s what matters.

Post # 6
1054 posts
Bumble bee

I know exactly how you feel! Fiance and I dated for five years before getting engaged and even though I was completely happy with that, it still made me feel a twinge of jealousy to see couples who met after us getting married before us. 

Post # 7
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I’m probably not the best person to talk about this since I am no longer engaged, but I will say you just can’t let what others are doing poison your relationship (or let it blind you to real problems). Everyone goes at their own pace and does things differently, and what matters the most is that you’re on the same page with your BF/SO.

I was insanely jealous watching all the girls around me getting engaged while still in school, and I became kind of rabid about getting engaged too. In the meantime, I had barely noticed the fact that issues with my ex-FI (then BF) had begun to surface and that we had begun to drift apart despite being together for four years at the time. We did get engaged eventually, but it all fell apart after that and my attitude towards getting engaged and getting married has completely changed.

My takeaway is basically focus on your happiness with your BF and having a good relationship instead of gunning for the altar just because everyone else is getting married. There’s no right or wrong time, really, just the time that you and your BF can agree on and be happy with.

Post # 8
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t really have an opinion. If you’re an adult (18 or older) then you’re old enough to make your own decisions and understand the full effect of them. You never know what’s around the corner in life…if you know someone or something is going to without a doubt make you happy then it’s more power to you to pursue it. I wish everyone the best.

My boyfriend and I were together four months when we started looking at houses. We knew even then we one day would be married. We’re engaged at a year and six months. Never once has it occured to me it’s too fast. It all just seems right. No one knows our relationship better that us and we know no matter the time that this is the course we’re working towards. I think also the amount of time someone takes to get to know someone varies on the people…I’ve found that some of my friends whom were with their partner for ages had still not covered important topics that I had within two weeks with my partner. Nothing wrong with that but, like I said, everyone works differently.

No marriage is set in stone just like nothing in life is set in stone. There are life events that can happen to any person that can alter them and shake their marriage…how long the couple was together doesn’t always determine how they will last.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by soymilk.
Post # 9
2570 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly don’t feel jealous I guarantee  that when things don’t work out with these couples you feel will feel silly that you were ever jealous of their rush to get married.when I was your age pretty much 90% of my friends got married and I believe only one of those couple is still married.

Post # 10
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Personally I would never get engaged to someone I only knew 6months/year. But that’s me and everyone is different. I do think getting engaged/married that soon is very rushed. I agree a lot of couples would still be in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of their relationship where everything is going well and they maybe haven’t had to face hard challenges that arise after being together for years.

But overall I have noticed on these boards that Americans tend on average to get engaged/married much younger than Europeans so maybe this isn’t out of the ordinary for where you live?? Where I live, the average average age for a first marriage for men and women is in their early 30s! A friend of a friend got married last year and they were 26/27, people here were definitely raising their eyebrows over it. 

Post # 11
1305 posts
Bumble bee

Meh, the 20’s are a weird time.  It’s the time between adult and kid.  Some people jump into marriage prematurely, thinkng it’s just the right thing to do.  Some wait.  Some are ready and some aren’t.

There is overhwelming evidence that young marriages tend to end in divorce, so I don’t think it’s unfair of your mother to be less than supportive of young marriage.  However, that’s not to say it doesn’t work.

I’m not sure it’s necessarily more common. I thought evidence showed that most people tended to marry later, have children later (if at all), etc.  I’m sure this varies widely also depending on demographics such as education level, race, income level etc.  There are a lot of factors to look at.

I just got married at 26, and I feel pretty young.  I begged my husband once when we were 22 and 24 to get married, but honestly I’m glad we waited.  I changed in just a few years.  I think we would have lasted, but I didn’t really understand the gravity of marriage.  

The world is so different after college, regardless of whether you have supported yourself or not.  I’m happy we had some experience under our belts.

Post # 12
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I knew a girl in highschool and she was “dating” some guy a bit older than her but it didn’t sound serious. She went to senior prom with a good friend of mine and they were pretty cuddly even though she had a bf. After we graduated she just suddenly married the guy! It was only like 2 months after graduating. I kinda got a good laugh out of it but I didn’t care, not my problem. Anyway, they weren’t even married 6 months before they got a divorce. And about a year after the divorce she’s engaged AGAIN. Some people never learn. 

The only reason things like this bother me is because as a young bride, I have to listen to a lot of people say things like I don’t know what I am doing or that it won’t work out, or that I’m just not old enough and my “brain isn’t developed enough yet”. And the reason these stigmas exist is because of people like them! It’s just frustrating because people seem to remember young relationships that end badly more than those that are still strong.

I wrote a post the other day about the issues with statistics of young marriages, you can read it here if you want to: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/engaged-soon-to-be-married-at-19-and-loving-it-inspirational-post-2/page/10

But ultimately I would say let it go, I know it kinda sucks and I’m sure you wish you had the support from your mom that they seem to have. But remember, with social media you only ever see what they want to advertise. I knew another couple who seemed so happy on social media but it turns out when they got married his parents refused to even be in attendance because they were so against their marriage. You really have no idea what happens behind closed doors so just focus on your relationship and don’t compare it to others!

Post # 13
16 posts
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Southern Highlands

I just got engaged a couple months ago, and I’m 19 and my HF is 20. We’ve been together 3.5 years and will have been together 5 years when we get married. I know some people who have gotten engaged at my age and really soon after dating too – one girl who my FH went to high school with just got married and has been with her partner 1.5 years – that’s shorter than my engagement alone!
Then there’s my friend, who I used to be really close to who started dating her BF the same year I started dating my FH and when she was 16, her BF popped the question – they had been dating 8 months! And way to young to get married. They had been planning on getting married when they were 18 and 19 and I was both shocked when it happened and in some ways jealous of her relationship even though I knew I would never want to be engaged that soon or that young. Their relationship actually had a lot of problems, with her BF cheating on her multiple times and being very controlling. After they broke up, he stalked her after school etc. so really they were in no position to get engaged or married.

My Future Sister-In-Law also got engaged quite soon after meeting her husband in grade 12 – they were married within 2 years of meeting each other but I don’t know exact time frames because it was before I knew my FH.

So yes, a lot of people do get engaged and married in shorter time frames but that is okay. Their relationships might work out, or they might not. But the important thing is that you are getting to know your FH better before your wedding. I know a few couples that have been dating as long as my FH and I but are not engaged and I sometimes wonder if we should be more patient – but I think that what we are doing is best for us and we work really well together. Every relationship is different. 🙂

Post # 14
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I were both 25 when we got engaged. We got engaged in 8 months. We were married a month later. We’ll be married for three years this December.

Every relationship moves to the beat of a different drum. I do agree that I think young marriages/relationships generally don’t last only because they haven’t had enough life experience, but I don’t judge. Whatever works for them.

Post # 15
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It isn’t a race, its a journey. When I was younger many friends quickly married… and then quickly divorced. It could work for some though. Just live your own life, comparing doesn’t do anyone any good

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