(Closed) Others helping with wedding $ question…

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t have much advice because I knew that my parents were going to help, pretty significantly.  I didn’t know how much until we got engaged.  Then we had a “family meeting.”  It was actually pretty funny because my FH had never had a family meeting (brought up in a poor, rough household) and he felt like he was in trouble. 🙂  But then they told us they were giving a gift of XX amount, and we could choose to what we wanted with it, whether it be the wedding or something else.   His parents, on the other hand, are not that well off, and they are offering to chip in when they can.  His mom offered, very nicely, to help pay for my wedding dress and I declined.  My guess is that they will help with the rehearsal dinner and wedding, not as much in monetary, but more labour of love sort of stuff.

I guess it depends on how close you and how comfortable you are with your and his family.  Family meeting time? 😉

Post # 4
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

double post! Sorry!

Post # 6
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Patsy23:  We always assumed that we were paying for everything on our own.  Our logic was that if our families knew we were getting married and didn’t say anything about contributions, that is wasn’t really our place to ask.  My mom offered to help with my dress and his mom offered to help with some of the photography and we were able to upgrade our photo package after I initially booked our photographer.

Post # 7
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You may just want to bring it up casually… like, “hey, we are starting wedding planning and considering our budget, here is what we think it will look like.  what are your thoughts?”  1) it will get them involved (hopefully, thats something you want) and 2) it will get the budget thing rolling.  Luckily, my parents brought it up, and I didn’t have to, but I if they hadn’t, I imagine, I would have done it like this.  Hope that helps!

Post # 8
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would just ask them if you could sit down and share what you are thinking about the wedding. Go through types of venues you like, what you’re thinking for size of bridal party, go sort of line by line – you don’t have to give exact costs, just give them specific items for the big picture. Go over your plans with them, and then I’d mention, “And we’re able to pay for this all based just on what we can budget from our own money.”

If they want to offer to contribute something, that is their opening. If they don’t, it doesn’t have to be awkward. Make it a conversation about the wedding as a whole and just sharing your excitement, and then they have the chance to jump in with an offer if they want to make one.

It can take parents awhile to figure out what, if anything, they want to contribute and how they want to structure that contribution. Do they want to give a flat amount? Do they want to say “We’ll pay for your dress at any cost” or “up to $XXXX”? They have a lot of conversations they need to have between themselves before they can give you an answer, so it doesn’t surprise me they haven’t brought it up.

Post # 9
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Patsy23:  I think it’s impolite to ask anyone for $, even your parents, so i say wait until they offer it.

Post # 11
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee

I have a pretty open relationship with my parents, so I just said that we are planning our budget and wanted to know if they are contributing anything. My husband asked his parents and at first they wanted to pay for particular items like flowers or the cake, however my husband told them that we are baking our own cup cakes for hte cake and for the flowers we really only have my bouquet. So in the end they just gave us an amount and we spent it where we wanted to.

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