Post # 1
Today was not a good day. This acquaintance of SO and myself just got engaged and long story short it’s probably not the greatest of ideas. That being said I have been doing wonderful waiting haven’t mentioned anything to SO and have been just slowly timidly looking around at rings to give SO the list of absolute no’s. Just enjoying being in love and feeling the excitment for the future. Then I saw this and it didn’t upset me because she got engaged and I’m not but because I know that they aren’t taking it seriously and it’s relationships like theirs that ruin the preciousness of marriage for those actually committed to the person for a lifetime. It sickens me, then I just got down thinking that by the time we get engaged no one will care especially because my extended family (cousins) who i’m close with won’t even bother to get to know SO and they all are recent dumpees so they don’t exactly wannt talk about how excited i am to possibly be getting engaged in as soon as just one year or look at rings with me nada. Same goes for my 2 close girlfriends as one just got cheated on after 3 years and the other is in a not so stable relationship i feel like an ass going to them so i don’t have anyone (except for you newfound wonderful, wonderful bees) So all this going on in my head = me being quiet and a little down
SO immediately notices of course and starts asking what’s wrong
I swore not to talk engagment stuff after our first/last talk and so i just tried to blow it off
the then thinks that i’m just being difficult and advoiding the issue and he just keeps pestering at me to tell him what’s wrong and he won’t listen when i tell him that it’s really stupid and it’s not that i wouldn’t tell him i just couldn’t and he was like i don’t understand what it could be that you can’t talk to me about so i finally decided to trust him and thought maybe he did know (as he was next to me when i saw the announcement) and was giving me a go ahed to talk to him. So i trusted him fully and opened up and told him what i was bummed about and before i told him i said “now you can’t get mad at me after i tell you what it is i wanred you it was dumb and to let it go.”
and the details aren’t important but the converstaion ended with him saying
“you promised you wouldn’t bring this up can’t say i’m surprised”
litterally smashed my heart </3. I have brought up engagement 2 times in our 3 year relationshpi and just to make sure we were on the same page. This time we talked was only the 3rd time and i’m saying HE brought it up because he literally made me tell him and i trusted him to understand. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me but way to set me up for a slap in the face. How can guys be SO dense sometimes?! I felt like such an idiot I should’ve known to keep my mouth shut I thought it was just so strange how adamant he was being about wanting to know what was wrong.
bleh a hot shower and chick-flick are in order this evening!
Thanks for listening to my vent, feel much better now getting that off my chest!
Post # 3
@raye9289: Guys are idiots. Simple as that. I completly went threw the same thing about a week ago! He kept asking me what was wrong, I told him, He told me stop rushing him( which it had NOTHING to do with him proposing to me! ) I was crushed just like you said you are.
It hurts but seriously i’m convinced they have NO idea what comes out of there mouth. I started telling my SO to say it in his head 5 times before you say it to me( if it has to do with weddings/ ering stuff like that) because usually he doesn’t mean what came out and I usually take it for what he said( if that makes any sense LOL)
Post # 4
@FutureMrs.browneyes: Aw, thanks! *HUGS* to you too! They really are just so dense, he says to me “OH now I see why you didn’t want to tell me.” Sometimes i just stare confused and dumfounded, like literally just in complete disbelief that they are that unobservant. It’s unnatural LOL
Post # 5
Ladies, my SO does the same thing. I’ll hear about someone getting engaged or he’ll bring something up that makes me think it will never happen, so i’ll get quiet and then the battle starts of what is wrong with me. and he says the EXACTLY same things as your guys man. So I feel you!! Men don’t think!!!
Post # 6
@raye9289: Wait…you’ve been together three years and he’s made you promise that you won’t bring up marriage?!
Post # 7
Why do they ask what’s wrong if they don’t really want to know? That’s what baffles me. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him what’s wrong, it’s that I know he’ll get upset by it and it’s better if only one of us is upset than both lol I’ve told him before that sometimes he just needs to drop things even if I seem upset, and sometimes he does. But then I wish he pried more lol So I can’t completely blame men for being confused lol
And this is more of a rant, but sometimes after I tell him what I’m upset about (like if he hurt my feelings) he’ll turn it around on me and start being upset with ME! Like what just happened? lol And sometimes it feels like he does that on purpose so he doesn’t get blamed for stuff lol
Example: me- “I spent hours getting ready tonight just the way you like it and you haven’t complimented me once” him- “I always look good for you!” or “what, you don’t think I look good?”
Post # 8
p.s: lmao at your tags: “brain disorders” lol
Post # 9
Ugh i feel ya, I promissed FI to stop talking about an E-Ring because he can’t afford it yet and I was doing SO good not talking about it and then other people bring it up and it upsets me and then he wants to know what it wrong. Ugh its so annoying but at least my FI is understanding when other people bring it up. Maybe you can mention to him that what he said hurt and that you were trying not to bring it up and he has to give you some credit for that.
Post # 10
At least Rizzoli and Isles is on to keep you company!
Post # 11
I am not waiting bee, haven’t been ever but I like to lurk this broad as well.
Personally I don’t understand why it seems to be so big “no-no” subject for some men to talk about engagement and marriage in the relationship. Like you can do onyl one little conversation and then you must remain silence until he proposes?
It is ok to talk about moving in togehter, buying house together, buying a car, making babies but marriage BOOM no no!?!? I think all the big steps you are about to take together should be well planned and discussed. I understand that nagging about marriage and engagement constantly could be annoying. I wouldn’t like to talk about making a baby 24/7 either. But every now and then ithere shouldn’t be a problem….
Sorry I don’t have any wise words to you raye but this just made me wonder why some men are like this… And you told during 3 year relationship you have talked about engagement TWICE! My god that is not a lot at all!!! and what is so bad to talk about that according to your boyfriend?
Post # 12
Men can be silly sometimes…
If I’m feeling down about wedding/engagement related things and SO notices, I warn him “It’s wedding stuff” before I elaborate.
Most of the time he is more than willing to talk about it, but of course sometimes he doesn’t. On those occasions he just hugs me and says “Soon!” and we talk about other things, and I save my rants for posting on here or talking to my girlfriends.
Maybe you could try warning him beforehand? And it helps to remember that guys don’t worry about this stuff like we do (:
Post # 13
@Kat_Kit2000: I think they do it because they don’t want us to see them as insensitive jerks..but then, of course, the whole thing backfires when we tell them what’s wrong and they wind up looking like idiots anyway…it’s the sad, sad male circle of life O_o
Post # 14
@Britk: BAHAHAHA! “It’s wedding stuff”…I’ll hafta start using that one too!
Post # 15
You all are so right! The talk escalated last night which i didn’t want to happen!! It is ruining this for me because it’s not even fun. I think it is extremely unfair not to be able to discuss it. I understand SO doesn’t want to talk about it because he thinks it ruins/takes away from the engagement. I’ve told him I think this is very antiquated and stupid. He’s not trading me for some cows from my father. We’re…(keyword WE) are starting our lives together. I don’t want to book anyhting or know anything about the proposal. I just want to not have to hide my laptop if i’m talking to you bees, or pretened i’m not bummed if i’m having just one waiting day. He said that he didn’t say what he did to be mean that he would never do that. But it happens a lot. It’s just an endless cycle. I say he needs to think about what he says because people take things different ways he says i’m too emotional. Could it be anymore cliche?! Ugh, at this point I’d just rather wait 10 years for common law marriage because this is getting ridiculous. He said “I’m going to go out on a limb and say most weddings are planned post engagement” i laughed, immediately in my head thinking of you wonderful waiting bees, and repled well you’d be sorely mistaken. I have just found the thread with user after user discussing pre-engagement plans that they made. Some even WITH their SO’s full participation. I Just don’t see how talking about before even though we both know it’s going to happen makes it less special. It is like too him proposal and wedding are one simultaneous thing. I don’t want to know any detials of the propsoal nor do i want to give him any. But if we both know something is giong to happen what the hell is the point of just walking around ignoring it like the pink elephant in the room that it is. It just annoys me that he fasley makes me out to be some crazy waiting bridezilla when i’m not and have even told him i’m enjoying this girlie waiting phase. I feel like he is the one ruining this for us. If he would just relax his balls and not freak out if were to see me on weddingbee or see me on etsy looking a ring, or if i could say something stupid and random like oh i love lillies i’d want them at my wedding. He said he felt if that were “allowed” (thanks for the permisson even though i’m almost 25 years old) i’d just be sending him stuff and talking about stuff all day every day. Which is so unfair he told me to send him rings i absolutely hated and my size after our original talk. I haven’t sent him ONE picture made ONE comment…. NOTHING. Because I for one was lost as shiz and still am with the ring situation lmao but also i didn’t want to be overbearing when there is so much time to wait. He just immediately assumes i’m gonna turn into a freak. Like what the hell is so wrong with being excited??? I don’t understand, if i was being impatient or bratty than that is some excuse but he knows i wasn’t doing that.
2 days till beach vacation that i was semi-dreading as it’s with my less than supportive family but now i’m pumped to just relax for a week.
Post # 16
@EffieTrinket: Just saw your post, yup 3 years in august. I’m only not supposed to bring up marriage until after we’re engaged. It just seems backwards to me that you would first choose to spend your life with someone and THEN talk about future logistics. Wouldn’t that be better sorted out before you propose so if their is an issue you can work on it? I don’t know makes sense to me! I just wish he would compromise a little! I think it’s sweet he wants it to be so special but i’m also a 21st century woman I can’t just put my life on hold becuase i’m “waiting”
Lol guess i can’t say i don’t feel blessed that this is my biggest worry in life, whether or not to talk about weddings infront of the man who loves me. hahaha perspective is a good thing