Post # 1
SO, long story short – my best friend(girl) is married to a marine who is never home and is emotionally and verbally abusive. My old coworker (guy), also a friend, is married, to a woman who continually cheats on him. I took my besty to our Christmas party where we all hung out, and the two caught feelings. They have been texting/talking since and of course neither of their spouses are happy about it. (Can you blame them?) She now works with me in the office and his wife still works for our company as well. We’re in VA, he and his wife are in PA.
Well… I’ve warned her they need to stop talking or her husband is going to leave her, which she knows, and I think secretly hopes for because she doesn’t have the guts to do it herself. Last night her husband told her to stop talking to him or he’s out. This morning, I wake up to a text from her phone from her husband saying “I can’t do this any more, I’m leaving besty, just a head’s up”. Her and I have discussed she can come live with me and my SO until she gets on her feet should this happen.
But… that text was at 7:30 this morning. I’ve heard nothing from her since. But, guess who has? My old coworker….
REALLY?! I’m beyond pissed that she couldn’t even call/text me wtf was going on after everything I’ve done for her and offered her to come LIVE IN MY HOUSE, but she’s going to text the “friend” who’s actually the cause of her husband wanting to leave her.
What do I say when she calls me?
Post # 3
You tell her you’re sorry for all that she’s going through. If her husband is, in fact, emotionally and verbally abusive, she’s better off without him. You need to overlook this perceived slight and be there for your friend. I’m sorry you’re hurt, but maybe she wasn’t thinking straight and thought the other guy was the best person to go to. There are a hundred possible reasons as to why she went to him first. Until you hear it from her, try not to make any assumptions.
Post # 4
Give her the benefit of the doubt when she calls you. Maybe she’s just kind of freaking out and has been letting it soak in. It’s only a littler after noon, so maybe she’ll call you soon. ..
When she calls, just let her vent before you offer anything so you can feel out the situation and how much you really want to get involved.
Post # 5
She just called me.
Apparently he knows more than me because her husband sent a message to my coworker laying it all out.
She says that they went out to eat and that they are discussing what to do right now and they neither of them are doing very well. Her husband has suggested they sleep in separate rooms for awhile while they figure something out because they just moved into their rental a month ago, and neither could afford to live separately right now.
I told her that I was a little disappointed to hear that my coworker knew what was going on before I did. (I mean, really? Couldn’t follow up that text with a “I’m okay, we’re talking it out, I’ll call you later?”)
I didn’t get mad, I just asked if I needed to clear a room for her or come get her, and she said not yet. So I told her to just let me know if she needed anything, and we got off the phone.
This is so beyond out of control…
Post # 6
Sorry. 🙁 How did she respond when you told her you were disappointed about your coworker talking to her first?
Post # 7
You need to put your feelings out of it. This is happeneing to her and you need to be there for her completely.
Forget that you introduced them that doesn’t matter. If it wasnt him it would have been another guy. She sounds like she has terrible self-esteem to stay in an abusive reltionship.
Eventually something would have snapped to push her to leaving or forcing him to leave.
It sounds like you are being really supportive but just dont mention anything about being disappointed or slighted about who learned which piece of gossip first. She is probably a mess and also embarrased.
So just have open arms for her and remember to put yourself in her shoes whenever you feel yourself getting angry.
Post # 8
@Cicera: I am trying really hard to keep my feelings out of it. It’s just so hard because all of my life I have learned that when people get toxic to themselves and others, then you need to let them go. My self-preservation drive is HIGH, higher than most, and I’m fighting justifications to keep my besty out of that “toxic” category, and I’m running out. I don’t know how much more of her depressive thoughts and moods I can stand. I’m out of positivity myself and it’s bringing ME down, switching on my “me” drive, telling me to RUN. As if that’s not bad enough, I get angry with things I don’t understand, and none of this is making any sense…
I’m going to need to shut down for a bit, but how do you do that when your besty needs someone to talk to?
Edit: As for putting myself in her shoes… it doesn’t help. I’ve been in this situation before. The only difference was I left my SO for a time because I knew it wasn’t fair of me to be in a relationship with someone who I clearly, at the time, did not want to be with. And when we got back together, I made the decision to end the “friendship” with the “other man”.
Post # 9
@Cicera: She said she was sorry and “didn’t want to wake me”. I told her that I didn’t mean to be mad, I just was very worried. I was almost in my truck on my way to come get her.
Post # 10
maybe these 2 are in love? i say good for them and leave her alone. be happy for her.
i mean yea, it’d be nice if she would have given you a status about things but no one is really themself when they’re on cloud 9, we’ve all been there. i hope it works out with them. i don’t normally condone cheating but this is one of those situations where i do and it could possibly end up being a very nice story (they leave their asshole spouses and marry each other and live happily ever after:)