Post # 17
Well, it’s too bad his dad is not more open-minded. He really didn’t name his son as far as his last name – unless, that is, he changed his own last name! Otherwise, your Fiance got his last name by default. It’s also too bad that his dad can’t see that changing his last name shouldn’t affect his their relationship at all – although talking bad about you and criticizing your joint decision certainly might damage their relationship. Especially if it goes on…
I tease my Fiance that he will have to take my name – although really I think I will take his name. I know he’s flattered at the idea that I would consider taking his name, although he makes sure to tell me that it’s whatever I want. I also know that changing his name wouldn’t be his first choice, but I think that if I was insistent, he would.
I agree that the family has the right to voice their opinions. And then they have an obligation to respect the decision that you have made as adults, and shut the heck up about it. It does no good to continue to b*tch about a decision you don’t agree with or understand, especially once it’s over. This can be a hard lesson for parents to learn – that once their kids are grown, they need to be treated as adults, with respect. It might be appropriate for your Fiance to let his dad know that is his expectation.
Post # 18
Just sat here reading your note and had a discussion with my Fiance about it. While I was pro the name change, he was against it, and not because he wouldn’t change his last name, but because it means separating yourselves completely from the two families you came from. He made some good points.
Even when there were no lastnames per se, you were known by some qualifier (the place you were from, so-and-so’s son, or by your job) that have become our modern lastnames. Although they may seem like trivial names now, they signify to the world that you are part of that family and he can see why your FI’s father and family may be upset.
Have you thought about taking both of your last names as they are and both changing your names legally to both? Seems like it may be a good compromise where you both get a new last name without disregarding the family names you were born with.
Post # 19
there is no way i could ever ask him to change his family name. and for me, i’m just adding on his last name so that i can still keep my name while also honoring his.
do what you both want to do, as long as that decision is in both of your hearts and you are 100% behind it. if there are any doubts whatsoever from either side, i would hold on the idea until it becomes 100%.
i like the awhalley’s idea above, if anything.
Post # 20
UPDATE: his parents called back the next day to more or less apologize and say they love us.
they definitely overreacted and his dad was very inappropriate. i think they are doing better now, but either way this is our decision. i haven’t let my own parents make my decisions for a long time. no reason to start following "orders" now! we just wanted to give them time to react and cool down. this was just a little bump in the road.
we will be heading to the courthouse this fri. or mon. I’m still excited and very happy to be starting a new family name and history with my beloved.
this is an amazing feeling. i feel so connected to him.
don’t be surprised if you see other couples doing this.
Post # 21
i personally believe that we should all be free to decide what is the best choice for each of us on our own terms. i don’t think this is right for everyone and i wouldn’t push anyone.
i like the idea of everyone being able to do what is best for themselves and know that there is more than one way – more than one truth. no tradition is good when it feels forced and we have forgotten why we are doing something to begin with. we should be aware and not be afraid to question ourselves.
this should be thought of as just another option among many routes such as hyphenating, moving maiden name to middle name, taking his/her name, or adopting a new name, etc.
thank you bees! i appreciate hearing different viewpoints and am happy that my questions were answered.
Post # 22
- Wedding: July 2020 - Rainforest wedding, beachfront restaurant reception
Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Valis! I am glad that his family came around so quickly. It sounds like you are making a great decision since you are feeling so happy about it
Post # 23
SECOND UPDATE: We went to the courthouse today to file for the name change!
YAY! We did it. I can’t wait till we get married and I get to change my name too.
It wasn’t that difficult. It was a very simple process. We just had to read all the instructions carefully and fill out the forms properly. It only took us about an hour max. All we have to do next is get our decree granting the name change from the judge and go ahead with the process of updating information with the Social Security, DMV, etc.
If anyone is considering doing this, know that it is not a painful procedure as long as you know what you are doing.
Another thing to consider is that here in LA, at least, it take six weeks to get it filed and granted so plan with enough time for the wedding.
Thank you all for your kind words!
Post # 24
I actually like it, it is a really cool idea!
Post # 25
@iceprincess just FYI you probably want to check the date when responding to older threads. This is two years old and the OP hasn’t been around for over a year.
Post # 26
I always wanted to do this but my mom shot me down pretty early on (when I was like 16 and not even dating Fiance lol) She said you couldn’t change your last name legally unless you were taking your husband’s and I totally believed her hahaha. It’s a good thing I guess because I would have made my last name Diamond! People would have thought it was my stripper name lol!
Oh nd Congrats on the name change! Sounds super exciting!
Post # 27
I Love it, congratulations on picking out a new name.
I just wrote this post
So I have some opinions about this. Tradition, tradition, tradition. Hmm. I am beginning to hate that word. Sorry to all those traditional folks out there. Once I believed I was traditionalist. Then I started reading about all my options and decided this tradition wasn’t for me.
My hubby and I hyphenated our name. Now we are thinking about combining it, but combining it on an anniversary and before we have children, and the letter we will write would be this:
“These past few years we have been known as [hyphenated-name], and we loved the symbolism of two unique individuals joining together but still remaining as one. The more time we’ve been married the more we have considered combining our names to retain the heritage associated with it, and to symbolize the growth of our family.”
In a way, I probably consider it a pregnancy announcement. And think it may be best to do this when we will have children. I think if all paperwork is filled out, notarized then the process will probably be quicker. I just hope we can come up with a name that sounds normal, and wonderful.
About the sexism part, him thinking you forced his son. I got that from my Grandmother. It shot my blood pressure through the roof, I was so very pissed off. She apologized, I accepted it, sort of, just trying to let time remove the memory. I think that you should just do it regardless. You love your fiance, he loves you, and you both love the last name.
And yeah they probably didn’t think you where serious. Well surprise. Wish you the best in your new life together! 🙂