Post # 1
We’re doing a destination wedding and I booked our DOC after a series of emails and phone calls. She seemed nice enough and really squared away. This week we went up to our venue to do a walk-through with her and another vendor who will be decorating. This woman was awful in person. Everything had to be her way. She also wanted me to spend more money on frivolous things (our venue has vintage couches in the lounge area – she wants me to rent “nicer” vintage couches…no one is going to notice) even though I explained multiple times that I’m already over budget. She would get offended if I asked if we could do something differently.
For example, we’re getting married in a barn. The barn has a gorgeous chandelier over the dance floor. She wants the dance floor moved so the chandelier is barely hanging over it. I want the chandelier over the dance floor because I think it would make for great pictures. She couldn’t even explain why she wanted it moved that way.
She seemed to judge all my choices. When I told her we booked a block of rooms at the Holiday Inn Express, she cocked her head and said, “Why would you do that?” and went on to say how there’s much nicer hotels. Umm, Holiday Inn Express is the cheapest one and it’s still not cheap! I’m trying to keep this affordable for my guests! Also, she cut me off repeatedly. I started talking about moving some decorative pieces to another area and she cut me off and started talking about something entirely different that I didn’t even care about. Luckily the other vendor noticed all of this and stepped in to give me a voice.
It’s too late to get someone new. This woman is halfway paid for (she’s $900…what was I thinking?) and the wedding is 4 months away. I just hope I don’t have to deal with her too much on the wedding day. She’s supposed to be taking away stress, not adding to it. :/
Post # 3
Im not sure if you feel comfortable doing this, but if it were me, Id try to get some contact info (preferably an email address so you can write something out and keep tangible proof of communication) for her boss, or someone just higher up than her in general, and Id send a message saying exactly all of this. Make sure to cite your specific examples and Id also be sure to specifically end with your exact line of ‘*so and so* is supposed to release my wedding day stressors, not be one of them.’ If the company cares at all about their reputation, they will do something about it.
If she works independently and doesnt have a boss, I would send an email directly to her listing your complaints, also citing the specific examples.
From my observations, vendors in the wedding industry care A LOT about reviews and such because now in the days of social media, one bad review is everything.
Id slip a hint in there about how Id absolutely LOVE to give a well earned fabulous review, but the road we’re on right now is not headed in that direction. But thats just me.
Post # 4
If she’s causing you this much stress now, consider the $450 you’ve already spent as a sunk cost & move on! That’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of life and it sounds like it is worth your piece of mind.
Post # 5
In this instance, a direct conversation will be uncomfortable, but necessary. Call her–no email, just so tone can’t be misinterpreted–and in your calmest voice say something to the tune of, “Jane, I am really looking forward to having a good working relationship with you. You have glowing reviews and good ideas [or whatever made you book her–point is, start with a compliment] but I am uncomfortable with how our last meeting went. It’s been weighing on my mind, and I wanted to bring it to your attention so we can figure out a plan for the rest of our working relationship. At the barn, there were several instances in which I felt you cut me off mid-sentence, or spoke over my ideas entirely, which felt unprofessional. Additionally, it would help me if you explain to me the rationale for your ideas, otherwise I feel like you’re simply trying to tell me what to do at my own wedding. I have a vision for this event and hope you can help me pull it off.”
Keep it concise, polite, calm, and about her professionalism/job.
Post # 2
I dont know…if I were you I’d get some things in writing. She sounds like she would change things on you the day of.
Our church gave us a DOC for the church. My understanding was that she would only tell the wedding party when to walk in and tell us exactly where to tsand in the church to get the best pics and stuff. She ended up wanting to control everything…even at one point tell me that my parents couldn’t walk out together. That was the usher’s job. I ended up telling her flat out that wasn’t going to happen. Even after the wedding was over, we stood for our eceiving line, and apparently we were standing in the wrong place, and she was just being loud and obnoxious over the top of all my guests filing out of the church. I just said back to her, “____, the wedding is over. We don’t care anymore.” Maybe a little rude, but she was wearing my patience.