Post # 1
im so sad. hes just told me hes finished with the relationship and to start packing.
my fiance and i have been together 3 years. engaged since april. ever since we got engaged things have just turned sour. he acts differently towards me. i find myself acting differently towards him. his family have started being rude to me for no reason. my family are the only people that have remained the same throughout, supportive and loving.
i was so, so happy with him before we got engaged. i got on with his family great. they seemed to like me. i had motivation to do nice things for him all the time. our sex life was better.
then we got engaged.
even the week we got engaged was a disaster. we clashed so bad. he bought a fake engagement ring for one. we were on holiday and he was a complete ass 90 per cent of the time (going out for a cigarrette while i was getting ready to go to dinner and not returning until four hours later…hed gone and got drunk with some complete (male) stranger he met on the beach). he threw up all over the hotel room that night and i cleaned it up.
since the engagement, his sisters have also been really rude to me. one of them has suddenly invited his ex from 5 years ago back into the family (thats a whole nother post). we had an argument today because he spoke to said sister like nothing was wrong , put words into my mouth saying i was asking how she was and that i send lots of love – I DO NOT. after she sent him a load of abuse by text a few weeks ago saying i was a two faced bitch, manipulator, etc etc (which came about because he called her out on her sudden friendship with his ex and said it was rude and inconsiderate towards my feelings), i am not a spineless human being and at the very least i expect an apology.
he doesnt understand why im upset and would “rather break up than spend another second” with me. i feel like he is disregardung my feelings completely, and reaffirming to his sister that her behaviour is ok.
this isnt even everything though. his attitude in general changed. he comments on my clothes appearance in a negative way, he sits there pulling his toenails off and throwing them on the floor, he spits into the kitchen sink. things never used to be like this. its disgusting. i find myself crying all the time because i dont want to live like an animal.
i just dont want things to be like this. i want them to go back to how they were. why has this happened? does engagement really change people this much?
Post # 2
Sorry bee, maybe he never really wanted to get engaged and felt pressured? Then became resentful of you because of it?
Engagement can be stressful for some people, but it shouldn’t turn your SO into a hateful jerk, that’s on him.
Post # 3
He sounds like a real prince. You dodged a major cannonball there.
Post # 4
Sorry bee sounds like he is doing you a favor leaving he sounds like he is not ready to get married.
Post # 5
i dont know. maybe you are right. since we met he was always talking about getting married but we never got engaged. after two years of listening to it i said to him, are you blowing smoke up my ass or do you mean it? and then it happened several months later.
i wasnt trying to pressure him, but it seemed at the time he was tellingme all the right things and telling other people something else. if anyone asked him when we were going to get engaged he would blow them off or say we werent ready. i think i was within my rights to ask if he meant it or not?
i dont know. its a sad situation. im gutted.
Post # 6
Let me tell you- a friend had similar warning signs, they married, he cheated, she’s divorced.
Post # 7
I’m so, so sorry to hear things have gone downhil since your engagement!! This shojld be the happiest time of your lives, not the saddest. Do you know why he changed all of a sudden and why things went south? Is it stress or pressue of getting married? Things do change when you get engaged/married, but it should be for the better.
I wish things could go back to the way they were for you. You both need a break from each other and from the whole situation. Maybe this will make him see what a jerk he and his family have been to you and also give you a chance to reflect on things and move on. A lot of engagements don’t work out…my first one didn’t. I was heartbroken too, but I knew I deserved more and I eventually did find the love of my life and get married…and I had the BEST engagement and was very happy. You deserve that! If he says he would “rather break up than spend another second with you” then leave him. You don’t deserve to put up with that kind of behavior from anyone! It’s his loss!! He doesn’t deserve you. Hugs to you.
Post # 8
thanks. we have been under pressure this year anyway. i just graduated and i have been having trouble finding a job. that hasnt helped how i feel and i dont think its helped how he feels. i have interviews lined up in the following weeks that i am feeling hopeful about. i was hoping that maybe once i find a job he will feel better and so will i. but hes saying he wants to break up NOW.
we havent started any wedding planning because of the financial situation at the moment. is it cold feet to have these feelings that maybe you dont belonng together, or are they well placed feelings?
i felt so much like he was the love of my life. i really did. ive had one failed relationship (no engagement) and i met this guy and i really thought he was someone special. he seemed to have similar values and goals. but this year everythings just gone to shit/
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
Is there more to the story? Suddenly changing like that and his family’s behavior with no other explanation is really odd. Getting engaged shouldn’t really change much (though in my case I feel a little bit more secure inthe relationship).
Post # 10
Just be glad you know the real him before you gotten married. You dodged a bullet, be thankful for that.
Post # 11
there isnt. i know what you are saying, id expect this kind of change if one of us had been unfaithful or lied about something. but we havent.
Post # 12
Don’t be too sad. Definitely normal to mourn the loss of a relationship but be thankful that you were able to get out when you did. Imagine you guys had already planned the wedding, actually gone through with it and then his true colors showed? And if you had kids that would be even harder to get over.
Perhaps the pressure was just too much for him. If he can’t handle life’s situations now, imagine what it would have been like with even bigger problems!
I hope you feel better– you can definitely find someone much better for you. Someone who will be ecstatic that they are engaged to you and whose family will be just as happy.
Post # 13
he didnt cheat on me
thanks for the kind words though, appreciate it
Post # 14
I realized when I read over your post again and edited my post* sorry about that!
Post # 15
That really sucks, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s probably best to just dust yourself off and chalk this up to life experience. Your prince is out there 😊