(Closed) Our families are trying to sabotage our marriage!!!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

may i ask how old your Fiance is?  in all honesty, a lot of this behavior indicates a lower maturity level, so i’m not sure if it is an issue of him simply being younger and needing to grow up a bit or if these are habits they he is set in his ways with and might not go away.  i feel for you- those are all a bit shocking.

Post # 4
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

pardon me, i did not read carefully enough to see that you are already married. if you are already man and wife and this is still going on, i think that is a really big issue and while it appears you have already spoken to him about these issues, it might be better if he hears it from a third party (i.e. counselor).

Post # 5
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Think of the show “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  Do you want to live like Deborah for the rest of your life?

Post # 6
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow. There are so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to start. I agree with you that there isn’t anything wrong with your Darling Husband being close to his Mom, but he is taking it too far and violating your trust by telling her personal things about you and sharing your secrets without your consent. Also, his Mom took it too far by getting involved and trying to start something.

I don’t really have any advice, but I would definitely not stand for this. Good luck and i hope he comes around!

Post # 7
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

There are a million things wrong with this situation. I’d say counseling, stat. Go alone if he won’t go with you.

Post # 8
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ “Him and his younger brother (17 years old) like to lay in their mother’s bed and watch TV or just fall asleep”

i dont know whether this is cute or scary.

Do you guys live close to her?  You need to get away or something.  I would say make him unavailable; maybe go do stuff away for like 4 weekends straight just spending time just the two of you.  That way he can used to not always being around his mom.

It’ll work out, hang in there!

Post # 10
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree about counseling. To have a healthy marriage, it’s crucial that the two of you are on the same “team,” rather than taking sides with your families against each other. There’s a good chapter about this in John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – you (and he) should check it out.

Post # 11
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the other ladies – if you have tried to talk to him, maybe a third party would be helpful. I agree that this is a little strange – he should lean on you, his wife to help him if he doesn’t have time to cash a check.

Post # 12
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Is your husband really young? From your posts, I’m hoping that he is 23 or younger. If he is above 25, well, um, I really don’t know what to say. Good luck though.

Post # 13
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Your Darling Husband and Mother-In-Law and BIL ALL need serious counseling.  That’s not a funny or sarcastic remark, I’m quite serious.  Sleeping in their mother’s bed?  It’s called uncosummated incest.  It’s quite serious, and is a failure of their mother to set proper boundaries.  It results in all kinds of behavioral issues, one of which being co-dependency, which is sounds like your Darling Husband and BIL both have.  Really you can’t do anything about it besides suggest they all seek counseling, after which they will all jump down your throat and ask you what right you have to make accusations like that and how dare you and such.  It’s a no-win situation.  They will continue to be sick and you will continue to have to live with it and love it…or not.

Post # 15
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well, if you had premarital counseling and discussed all these issues there, did the behavior change before the wedding? 

Post # 16
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with most things said here. He and his mother need to recongize that you and your husband are now a family. Being young (yes, 23 is fairly young) it’s hard to realize that you and your wife and child are now your #1 family. BUT, he needs to do this. 

Also, I agree with your aunt that swearing under a facebook photo of a child (or at all) is tacky, but she shouldn’t also be saying anything to your husband about it. 

All in all, he needs to start acting like a man. He’s acting like a boy. It sounds like you have a child together and that he’s actually a father… so he needs to act like that too. Be present at home, manage his finances, clean up his language online and elsewhere, and treat you like his #1 partner. 

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