Our families don't want us to have kids?

posted 3 months ago in Waiting to TTC
Post # 16
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

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ash1024 :  yeah, no. You’re age may seem young (I’m 25) for your parents or in laws, but that should not even be a factor in deciding if you have children or not. 

trust me. When you have kids they’ll come around to the idea and will want to go visit your new baby! And if for some strange reason they become stubborn and don’t want to see their grand babies, that’s their loss. It’s your life. What’s the difference between having kids now or in 3-5 years? Relatively speaking to how long we live in average? Especially if you guys have jobs and especially that you guys are married? They’ll have to get over it 🙂

Post # 17
Member
6918 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

What they’re saying before you have kids and what they may be saying when a grandchild is on the way or here are very different things. I wouldn’t take it super seriously. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t available or willing to babysit, though.

You should do whatever you want. As long as you are prepared to take care of your child yourselves, it doesn’t really matter what the grandparents think.

Post # 18
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

They don’t get a vote. So they may as well shut up about it.

Post # 19
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

It may be a function of age. My mum used to constantly say she would never babysit, that she raised her kids and wasn’t going to raise another baby, etc. Then I didn’t have a baby until I was a few months shy of 30.

Suddenly,  she was SO excited, offered to babysit anytime, took me shopping to buy anything and everything for the baby. Ultimately, she just didn’t want me to have children so young; she had my best interests at heart. 

I don’t know if your mum is similar or if she’s serious, but as others have said, it isn’t her decision. 

Post # 20
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

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ash1024 :  We started our family young and I got those comments from some family after we announced. One of my grandparents was very unhappy and said to others in front of me that I was a b**ch for making her a great grandmother so young… I didn’t dignify her with a response but honestly I think it has more to do with the fact she had her children in her teens. But my point… after my baby was born everyone changed their minds. My child is everyone’s favourite little human to love on and they very quickly asked when we were having more etc. The only complaint we get now is that they don’t get to see them enough, which would not have been an issue if they were not so awful during my first pregnancy. I am so sorry they have made such rude remarks and even more sorry for your loss. Please just do what is right for you and DH. It is your life and not theirs. Starting our family when we did was perefct for us. It would most definitely not be perfect for everyone but there in no age that would be.

 

Post # 21
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

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lou18 :  I can’t seem to add an edit. I just wanted to make it clear as tone does not always show, I was not at all judging the fact that my Grandmother became a parent as a teenager. I was purely pointing out that it made the age gap between me and her very small. If anything I benefited from this as a child as she was so full of energy etc.

Post # 22
Member
8973 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Just tell them it’s none of their business and you want them to shut up about it. I had the opposite problem – they were more than ready to be grandparents and wouldn’t stop making that painfully obvious! We had fertility issues so I eventually just said “yea you and me both but your nagging isn’t helping any” and they backed off. My daughter likes to pretend she’s a mommy now (especially since I became pregnant again) and I make a point, even as a toddler, to not say “when” you’re a mommy as if it’s some foregone conclusion she’s going to give me grandkids in 30 years. 

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