- Pecan Pie
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Currently, I am a waiting bee with an engagement sometime in the near future. We’ve talked about wedding ideas in the past, but now we are starting to seriously discuss our plans. Tonight, I actually got a little emotional during a disagreement and it kind of caught me off guard. This will be a little long and a bit of a rant, but I’ll explain the situation…
I moved to Philadelphia a few years ago for graduate school. We met during my second year. I graduated last year and was able to find a job a month after completing my program. I decided to stay in Philly because I know that his work is here and he would be unable to move any time soon. He is from a small town just outside of Philly.
I’m originally from NC and I want our wedding to be in NC. Preferably in my hometown, but as I’ve started to brainstorm about the wedding, I’m thinking a more convenient location would be Raleigh, NC. He has known this for over a year of chatting about wedding ideas. Tonight was the first time he EVER expressed an objection to this. He said, “We should have a logical reason for having it in NC.” WTF. Here is the logic that I’ve discussed with him previously:
1. All of my family is in NC, including my mother who has difficulty traveling due to disability.
2. His family is not centrally located. They are spread out in various states. The only family members in the Philadelphia area are his Mom and Dad. For this reason, they would have to travel regardless of our wedding location, so why not just have it in NC?
3. A wedding in NC looks like it will be more affordable than a wedding in Philly from what i am noticing so far.
4. We could have a sunday evening wedding if we go for a holiday weekend which would make it even more convenient for out of state guests and more affordable for us.
5. Instead of my hometown, it could be in an easily accessible city like Raleigh or Durham, NC.
After explaining this again, he actually said, “Well, if 90% of guests are traveling to NC then why not just have your family come to Philly?” I had him to explain and he said, “Well, the only family you’re talking about in NC is your mom, brothers, and godfather.” I had to kindly explain to him that my family in NC is more extensive than that with aunts, an uncle, many cousins, my neice and nephews, etc. In fact, his rough estimate of my family comprising only 10% of wedding guests is incredibly off base. My family is larger than his and I think he forgot since he has only met my mom, brothers, and godfather. He should meet more family in a couple months when we visit NC for the holidays. Anyway, I also came up with a 6th reason for NC:
6. I made compromises by staying in Philadelphia and leaving my life behind in NC. Is it too much to ask for us to share our wedding day in my homestate? Just 1 weekend? I’m even being logical with the location and recognizing that my tiny rural hometown is not the best option for out of state guests so I’m choosing a city that will be convenient to reach via air (RDU), amtrak, bus, car, etc.
I guess I’m just really annoyed by his sudden objection, but I also feel bad. I understand that he probably wants the wedding to be in Philly. It is probably because of having so many friends in Philly and he is worried that many of them will not make the trip to NC for our wedding. He is probably placing more importance on the presence of our friends at our wedding, whereas I’m placing more importance on family. Neither of us are necessarily wrong. I just hate that he brings up an objection to the location after we discussed a NC wedding so often for the last year and I had allowed it to become a definite thing in my mind.
I’m also mostly annoyed because he implied that I wasn’t being logical about something I’ve thought about probably more than he has since we ever even began considering the possibility of getting married. Plus, I pointed out to him that I am being logical, but also there is an emotional aspect to this. Yes, we could get married anywhere, but I know that it’ll be so much more meaningful to me if I can bring our families together in NC just for that 1 day. When I share our wedding photos and memories with our children, I want to be able to point out the different members of our families who were there.
We can hang out with our friends any time in Philly. I don’t think we need a Philly wedding just so that more of our less close friends can attend. Besides, he actually forgot that his closest friends in Philly already told him that they would love the chance to spend a weekend in NC for our wedding in the future. In my opinion, the friends who we care about us the most will try their best to be there. There will still be an engagement party, bachelor party, and bachelorette party in Philly anyway so those will be good opportunities to celebrate with the majority of our friends.
I want to make sure I include him in the planning process, but I have a feeling that I’m probably going to encounter more moments when I will need to put my foot down. Tonight was one of those nights and it hit me that wedding planning is not just the fun process that I had imagined it to be. It is going to present a lot of frustrations that I had not considered before. At least tonight, we worked out our differences and he seems to have decided that NC will be an acceptable wedding location as long as we have some sort of party with our Philly friends before or after the wedding. He seemed to think a second reception in Philly was a little over the top, but an engagement party at our home might be nice.