(Closed) Our "married home". Over thinking, under thinking? Plz help!

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 47
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’d probably have new sign made w/ the established date changed to the year the house was built or remove the established part completely.

Post # 48
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Djacks88:  i see it as simply the house was established (built) in that year, not a family.   he is proud of the house that he built, i can understand that.  look at it this way, his ex barely lived there.  you will live there for much, much longer.

Post # 49
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Since they were married in 1997, my honest opinion is that the sign has nothing to do with the family but the house. Personally I don’t think I would be affected by it, but if it truly bothers you, then you can bring it up. 

Even looking at it before I knew any information, I saw it as a sign stating that the HOUSE was established in 2006 and that’s all.

Post # 50
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is one of those things that need delicate handling. From how I read the sign, it refers to when the house was built rather than being any sort of celebration of his former marriage. So in the short term, I’d leave things alone. 

I also moved into the house that my Darling Husband and his former wife had lived in and brought their children up in before they separated and divorced. She’d left him and for some while I’d find things she hadn’t been bothered to take with her and each time I’d feel slightly uneasy and a bit like a lodger. I was also aware that the house held special memories for the children so I wasn’t about to demand changes over things that weren’t hugely important in the greater scheme of things. It was better that I got established in the house first and this did happen. But I suspect it would have taken longer for everyone to be comfortable if I’d tried to rewrite the past right from the outset.

Post # 51
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Djacks88:  I don’t know if anyone else has said this but…

1) you have the right to your feelings. Seems to me you’re being considerate of others feelings as well (how your Fiance and his boys may feel)! 

2) I would just bring it up in conversation when you’re both in a good mood, alone. Tell your Fiance that you’re not sure how you truly feel but just wanted to run it by him to see his opinions on it. He may have the perfect solution or make good points as to why it should/shouldn’t be changed!

Don’t stress 🙂 I’m sure it will all work out! 

Post # 52
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Maybe you can leave the sign but add something of your own.  A sign, cute mailbox, stepping stone, etc.  Something that includes both of your names or your wedding date.  That way it shows that the house was built in 2006 but references that your new family started on the wedding date.

Post # 53
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What a cute sign! I definitely understand how you feel both ways, and after reading, it seems like you should keep the sign, as long as you feel ok with it. If you want to tweak it with a redesign, I might try “c. 2006” like old historic houses read. “Reestablished” seems kind of snarky to me… but that’s just how I would feel. It’s great that you are maintaining the relationships with the children and ex-wife.

Post # 54
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think it’s fine.  The sign is about the house not about his marriage or family at all.  It’s the year the house was built not the year a family was started.  You could add a sign underneath it that says “Custer Family Est. 2014”

Post # 55
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Djacks88:  I think you’re definitely overreacting.  It has nothing to do with establishing the family and everything to do with when the house was established. 

Post # 56
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@Djacks88:  If it actually said “Custer Family” I would kind of see your point. But it doesn’t. It says “Custer House” and it’s the year he built the house, not his old wedding date. So I think it refers to the building he built and not the “family” he had with his ex-wife. I would leave it be. It’s about his hard work, not his former relationship and someday he can tell his grandkids about how he built this house and put this plaque there. As far as establishing the family in 2014, his kids established his family and not in 2014. That might rub the wrong way.

Post # 57
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Generally these signs are put up to signify that some significant lived at the home, or the home itself is old.  In this case, it’s a cute marker to acknowledge a significant achievement – building the house himself, how awesome.  I would not suggest removal because as PP noted, the sign is about the house and nothing to do with her really.  What you might do as a wedding gift is give a second sign – to be put up with the other – that relates to the two of you, e.g.

“Husband and Wife Custer

Married Date

Pop. 4″

as suggested above.

Re-established is a bit odd phrasing in any event and the kids may object to it so I encourage you to avoid it.  I don’t know about your relationship with the kids, but I suggest sensitivity to step-kids should weigh heavily here, and out-weigh your sensitivity to the sign referring to his old family rather than the house.

Post # 58
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

if the sign has his wedding anniversary date then it certainly needs to be changed when he marries you. If it was the sign that he put up when he completed building the home, then I would maybe suggest offering to  make a new sign that says “Custer Family HOME, BUILT 2006. rather than established.

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