(Closed) Our puppy is causing us to fight! Help!

posted 8 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

My suggestion is to give him articles and/or books on potty training dogs.  If it were my Fiance, the next time he yelled at the dog, I’d yell back and tell him to go for a walk to cool down.

Post # 5
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am sorry. I don’t like to argue, so I am sorry. 

As for training the puppy. It really comes to training the owner. Be sure to take the puppy out every hour. Once you can train yourself to do that the puppy will get on a schedule and learn to come to you when he wants to go outside. Also make sure when you take the puppy out it is only for potty time not play time. This should help both of you learn what signs mean he needs to go. That is what worked for me. 

 

Good Luck. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We just got a puppy and we’re not fighting (yet) but I can see how it happens.  There is a lot more stress to having a pet than I imagined and while we’re not fighting I get annoyed or upset because I’m trying to do the things I’ve read that we’re supposed to be doing but Darling Husband has read some different things and some similar things so we’re just figuring it out as we go.  One thing I wouldn’t accept would be being mean to the dog – as you said he’s just a baby so what good does it do to yell at him – it will only make the dog scared of your Fiance and that’s not good.

I’m with the others – tell Fiance to cool it and take a walk.  It’s better for him and the dog if he removes himself from the situation if he gets upset.  I wonder if he might be a little envious of the attention the dog is getting?  Have you asked him that?  Not in an accusatory way but just to see what’s going on with him when it comes to the dog – he might be jealous?

Good luck – I hope the training goes well for you (and us!) 

p.s.  Marley is adorable!  Smile

Post # 8
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I am with your Fiance, dogs and babies are completely different. I don’t think I would ever yell at a dog but I don’t intend to ever own one either so who knows. Is this FI’s first puppy? If he’s never had one I’m sure it is overwhelming to train a puppy. I lived with two well trained dogs for a year and they were sometimes overwhelming. Maybe you should have a conversation with Fiance wehn the pup us behaving and see what’S bothering him. He could just be feeling overwhelmed and feel like you are picking the pup over him.

Post # 9
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Did you and Fiance make the decision to get a puppy together? It’s important that everyone is on the same page because dogs are a big responsibility for everyone.

Obviously kids and dogs are different, but this will certainly give you a good idea of how you two function under pressure when you’re tired, and make decisions together.If you are unhappy with his behaviour and communication now is the time to address it.

 

Post # 10
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Your Fiance sounds like mine! And if he is anything like mine he will never change when it comes to the pup. My FH gets mad when our pup doesn’t understand full sentences. I pretty much had to completely take over anything dog related. And decided we will NOT be having kids ever unless he decides to take some anger classes.

I have tried to explain to FH that the pup only understands words we have taught her. She is not a person and doesn’t understand that every single word has a meaning. She’s a dog she has no way of knowing. Our pup is pretty smart I teach her names for just about everything she uses (every toy has a name etc) And FH still calls her dumb when she doesn’t understand that whole sentence he just said to her.

 

I also forgot WHAT A CUTIE!

Post # 11
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

When a dog comes into the house, everyone needs to be on the same page with training the dog.

I would recommend sitting down with him and talking it out together how you plan to train the dog. (While I’m not a parent yet, I also think this should be what parents do with their children.) Dogs and kids both need consistency from both their “parents”, so not to get conflicting messages.

Have you taken the puppy to training class? I recommend doing so, and that you BOTH attend the class so you’re on the same page.

 

 

“Although he says a child is different than a dog…”

That’s kind of ironic he says that. I know a woman that was a school teacher and also a dog breeder / trainer / judge. She told me once “own and train 3-4 breeds of dogs and you can handle any kid”.

Post # 12
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Assuming you both agreed to get a dog, you guys need to sit down and agree on how to train the dog.  What does he think would solve the problems?  What can you do or do differently to make the situation better?  Coming to agreement on this may help.  

Post # 13
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Definitely sit down and have a talk about “rules” for the puppy, and how he will be disiplined.

Some may disagree, but a dog actually IS very different from a child.  You can learn not to let a dog upset you, because they just do “dog things” because they are dogs- and that philosphy and many others will help you when you have children, but a dog is of course different in many other ways.

Leanring to not let a dog upset you when it is naughty, is an important principle, because children/ people will do what they will do despite what you do as a parent- in this way they are similar.  When I got my first puppy- she made me so mad one time (many tmes, but this one sticks out)- we had just hiked in the mountains for a few HOURS, and when we got back to the car- she wouldn’t come.  She could have cared less that I was calling.  So, I got very upset.  I had things to do, places to be.  I had to CLIMB the mountain to catch her.  I was so upset, I literally just sat down and realized – I had to realize she was just a puppy- running off is what they do- adn if I let her puppy things upset me, I would FOREVER be upset.  I would be angry all the time.

However, dogs don’t rationalize- so they need to be treated differently.  Where I think it gets tricky is this- dogs need to KNOW you are upset- they often don’t respond to you “explaining” what they did wrong.  When I got mine, I did not want to yell or spank.  Not at all.  Unfortunately- that is what a dog responds to- a clap of the hands, or a loud noise.  I learned to make a loud noise when my dog something wrong- because that is how dog’s work.  A child can learn from rationalizing with them.  Maybe let your SO know that he shouldn’t disipline out of anger- or he will be angry a lot.  He has to try to calm himself and realize that is just how dogs are.  I have learned to “act” angry- or sometimes they don’t get the point. 

Post # 14
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Everyone’s advice is great but I have one question…

Who cleans up after the dog when it goes inside?

Because if it’s your Fiance, I’d be pissed too.

 

(I personally wouldn’t yell but I can see how a guy would react that way, especially for the XX number of time)

Post # 16
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Oh wow, that isn’t good at all. You should definitely sit him down and educate him on puppy training, maybe he has never owned a puppy before or raised on and doesn’t know that this kind of thing happens ALOT with a puppy and it will get worse before it gets better. Maybe you can share my story below:

My Story: My Fiance and I (then BF) adopted a pit bull puppy who was the PERFECT puppy, very quick learner and didn’t have many accidents, never chewed up anything and just did everything we wanted her to. She was such a perfect pup that we decided to get her a friend since she was an only pet. I had always wanted a Saint Bernard so I was looking for a Saint Bernard rescue to add to our family since our pitty pup was a rescue, but I coudn’t find any in our area so I came across a craigslist ad for a husky puppy (accident puppies) and they were selling them for cheap practically giving them away, the puppies were SO adorable that I showed my Boyfriend or Best Friend and he fell in love too. So he went and got us a husky puppy from that litter and that’s when the fighting began. Our husky was a stubborn pup, we would take her outside to pee and walk her around for HOURS I mean HOURS and she wouldn’t go, the second we would bring her inside she would pee on the floor. It was awful this happened for about a month before she got the hint to use the bathroom outside. Needless to say my Boyfriend or Best Friend was so frustrated he left all of the husky puppy duties to me and whenever she did something wrong I was instantly to blame and we would fight and fight, he told me that he didnt’ want her anymore and that broke my heart because she was so sweet. Now this kind of thing went on for a year she was a NIGHTMARE puppy she chewed all of my expensive shoes, gnawed on his expensive chairs to his table she would use the bathroom on our bed and then howl almost the ENTIRE night. ugh…. I have NEVER seen such a psycho dog in all my life. Well after 1 year she calmed way down and she is ALOT better now, but she is a husky and she still can be destructive here and there. We still have her and are so thankful we kept her, but we look back and laugh now on how we almost broke up over her and now we are ENGAGED!

Your relationship can survive nightmares, but you really need to let him know that his impatience with her makes you nervous about your future with kids and what not because if he can’t handle a puppy having an occasional accident then what about your future children?

You are lucky if it’s potty training that is causing you to fight than that is a pretty easy fix and it will improve before you know it.

Good luck, I hope your situation impoves for your sake and your pup. 🙂

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