(Closed) Our solution to keeping it small when it gets big (long) Love thoughts…

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Please don’t do this. The guests who are only invited to the dessert reception will find out about the dinner and will be offended that they were not invited to the entire celebration.

Post # 4
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The point of view from a guest.

This is a relatively small wedding anyway so assuming I am invited I am falling within the “important people” as opposed to your coworker or second cousin once-removed.

So especially in this already small wedding if I were invited to the dessert only reception I would think so I am important enough for you to invite me for a present, but not important enough for you to feed me dinner.

What are the guests going to do for hours between the ceremony and dessert reception? and if they are not invited to the ceremony, then the same impression prevails.

Thanks for inviting me for my present. I feel used.

Post # 5
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@violettw:  There is way too much drama involved in telling our parents no.

I’m sorry, hon, but how old are you two?  Who is paying for the wedding?

I agree with the 2 previous posters.

Post # 6
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’re looking for less drama, a tiered reception isn’t the way to accomplish that, sorry!  For the guests who are invited to the ceremony and the later reception, they’ll wonder why they had to kill those hours in between and spend their own money on dinner somewhere else while you’re paying for half of the guests to eat.  For them, it’ll feel like you didn’t value them as much as the people whom you’ve provided dinner for.

If you’re paying (and therefore hosting) the event, the guest list is under your control. You decide how many people and who gets invited.  If you over-invited, that’s something you’re going to have to appropriately resolve… and in this case, the best option would be to either change the layout of the reception in order to properly host everyone, or change to a different venue that can accomodate everyone.

Sorry OP, but I think your plan could very likely end up backfiring on you and it could lead to things being awkward and uncomfortable.

Post # 7
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

What country are you getting married in?  The reason I ask is this seems to be an unacceptable solution for those from the USA and Canada, whilst, me being British found it to be a perfectly suitable solution.  This is something that is VERY common in the UK, and I don’t think I have been to a wedding that didn’t have a tiered reception.  I have been both all-dayer and evening guest and have never felt offended. 

What is the food style of the day?  Could you maybe adapt this to be suitable for 90 people?  More of a rustic, romantic BBQ style, where there is not set eat time, but more of a casual grab a bite to eat. You could have scattered coushins so people could have it pick-nick style, so there’s more room.


Post # 8
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand what you’re going for, I think, but I agree with others that there is really no way to keep people from knowing they were not invited to the dinner. Is there any way you could change the time and simply have a dessert reception for all in the afternoon? Though I also agree with the above encouragements to actually sort this out with your parents rather than being steamrolled by them. 

Post # 9
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It really is not a good idea to do a tiered reception.  A wedding is an all or nothing event – guests must be invited to all of it, or none of it.  I understand guest list issues, but every bride faces that.  If you are paying yourselves, you should just put your feet down.  At a certain point in our adult lives, we need to learn to say no to our parents.

Post # 11
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

im confused, so some people would come for the dessert only? or ceremony.,go away for a bit…then dessrt?

There would surely be that awkward moment whne guests realise that half are invited for a dinner and half arent?

i dont think i would go away, kill a few hours then come back…i think id just attend the ceremony and go home. as i guest, i think anything more than one hour gap between events is too much, unless its a kind of cocktail hour or something

Post # 13
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you’ll get what you want…50 people for dinner. If I was a guest, I wouldn’t wait around 3 hours to hang out with you.  I just wouldn’t….even if I thought we were buddies.  I think maybe doing a private ceremony/dinner and then reception a day later might be a teensy less insulting.

“I think maybe it’s a bit silly for me to keep this conversation going because no one is on the same page.” You’re also on a primarily US board so there are cultural differences afoot. 

Post # 14
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Your thread title makes me think dirty thoughts

“Our solution to keeping it small when it gets big (long) Love thoughts…”

The topic ‘Our solution to keeping it small when it gets big (long) Love thoughts…’ is closed to new replies.

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