(Closed) Our son isn’t Black enough???

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

UGH, that’s so rude of your sister!!!  I’m neither AA nor a parent, so my advice is probably worth exactly what you’re paying for it, but that said…

In general, I always think it’s good for kids to be exposed to as many different kinds of people as possible!

If your son is around a majority AA group at church, I don’t see why you’d need to go out of your way to socialize him around other AA kids. He’ll get to have both experiences, which will give him wonderful flexibility as he grows up.

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would enroll them in the best school I can find. I think the problem here is your sister, not you or your son. It sounds like he exposed to his family and church, which is the best example of how to behave, regardless of race. It sounds like you are doing a great job.

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MrsStrawberry24:  Totally understand. If it makes you feel any better, I would guess your sister said that because she feels insecure about her own kids and worries they won’t be as well-educated as yours.

Post # 7
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think, from hearing stories from my non-white friends, that being the only person of your color in a situation is difficult.  However, forcing diversity on kids is extremely difficult and may not work out well.  Your son was excited that the kids looked like him — did he become friends with them as well?  Maybe he was just commenting…

Skin color doesn’t mean he can’t relate, but he might be exposed to ignorant comments and opinions because of his skin color.  I am a teacher and have worked in both suburban and urban school districts.  In suburban districts, the black kids are always in regular classes, and I constantly hear comments about how “they can’t do this” or “they are just like that”.  These things are said by the most well-meaning people, but they are just…so…ignorant!!!  For example, a black girl was placed in life skills because she was struggling in school. So, instead of providing her with extra help, they stuck her in with the kids who color all day long.  I am still mad about that!!!  At another school, a high school, two of the black boys who came to me for help with college essays were super, super smart, and one told me that his mom had to almost sue the school to allow him in honors classes.  So, if I were black and my children were black, I would be very concerned about the way in which people were treating them in school.  I don’t know how if this helps at all!

Post # 9
Member
13015 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like PP, I’m neither AA or a parent…BUT – you should give your child the best that you can, and it sounds like you are, by putting him in a good school school, keeping him from gang life, keeping a young child away from rap (profanity, sexuality, etc). 

You should privately talk to your sister and explain that using phrases like “talking white” only fuels stereotypes and makes everything harder for everyone in the long run. 

Post # 10
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

YOUR child, YOUR choice.  You’re doing what you feel is going to best prepare your child for a successful, independent, and productive adult life.  Besides, what does she mean he talks “too white”- is she in some way indicating that a person of color can’t speak properly?!?!  That’s asinine.  She is being ridiculous.

Post # 12
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@MrsStrawberry24:  I’m not sure how much my $0.02 count as I’m not a parent or AA. But growing up I was always in the minority (I’m Asian, growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood) and I think I came out okay. It was tough at times being clearly ‘different’ from all the others kids, but I quickly learned that the kids who cared weren’t worth my time and the ones who didn’t were the ones I wanted to keep as friends.

It’s sounds like you are doing a wonderful job already by investing in your son’s education. And like some other PPs mentioned, I totally agree, the issue is with your sister NOT your or your son.

Post # 13
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would enroll my child in a school knowing he would be the minority.  My child went to nursery school with many children that would be considered an minority and he never saw them as being any different them him. I would  assume the children your son goes to school see him as another little boy.  Your sister is crazy saying he should act like a stereotype he clearly acts a certain way because that is the way you and your husband raised him.  Is he happy? thats all that really matters in the grand scheme of things.  Its nice for him to be aware of his culture and heritage but to say he is to proper and talks to white is silly. 

Post # 14
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I find it weird that she’s worried he would be ‘too proper’. 

As someone who went to a high school in rural CA, surrounded by farming and universities, I was the minority.  I loved it!!  How else are we to experience other cultures??  It’s not like like we’re Angelina Jolie’s kids and travelling everywhere (lucky b*tches!).  My best friends have all been asian, mexican or a mix between black and asian.  I actually feel BAD for your sister and her children because she thinks this is an appropriate way to teach your children about the world.

Keep your kid where he is.  It will be a great way for him to learn about other cultures.

Edit – I don’t know why I said HS.  I lived there my entire life and all the schools were basically the same mix of kids/ethnicities.  Maybe it just meant more to me once I realized how lucky I had it.

Post # 16
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

WTH???  Are we still living in the 60’s here?  Sorry I get really upset by comments like that.  I’m white but have lived in many places thanks to my dad being military.  I went to HS that was 94% hispanic, 4% white, and 2% all other races.  I dated mostly hispanics b/c of the numbers. 

I have seen white kids that are druggies just as there are in other races.  I think you guys are giving your kid a great education and other opportunites which is the most important thing in my book.  By The Way, I would have no problem putting my kid in a school if they were the minority.  I was actually planning to adopt outside of my race a few years ago…both times fell through.  And yes, I heard many snarky comments about me raising a “different” child….love knows no color. 

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