(Closed) Our son isn’t Black enough???

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, your sister sounds like she is being an idiot.  I’d enroll my child in the best school I could, regardless of the race of the majority of students there.

Personally, it sounds like you are doing a great job as a parents and your sister needs to keep her opinions to herself.

Post # 18
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It’s sad that she’s viewing this as a race thing when it’s really about education. No one can ever take away your education, doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, green, if you’re a well rounded and educated person you can get along with anyone and you’ll get farther in life.

Post # 19
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MrsStrawberry24:  According to academics, African American Vernacular English (AAVE) is an actual language, which is the way many black people talk.  It follows grammatical rules, and has all the aspects of a language, but is still considered lesser by the majority of Americans.  If you and your family speak standard English (which is like saying “proper” English) then your sister may consider that to be white, since it’s not the way many black people, especially those in cities, speak.

Post # 21
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@KatyElle:  very nicely said! wish there was a like button.

Post # 22
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@peachacid:  So to that, her sister is probably saying that they aren’t sharing a commonality that she finds super important.  It would be the equivalent of suddenly speaking cajun when visiting one’s folks in NOLA, right?

Post # 24
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you’re doing just fine! I agree with PPs that your sister is perpetuating a negative stereotype by talking the way she does about your son. People of ALL races should value education and proper behavior – it doesn’t ever have to be a racial thing to raise a child well. You’ve looked beyond racial lines to simply put your son in the best educational environment that you can, and I think that’s the right thing for any parent to do.

Cultural ties are very important, but it sounds like your son is learning his historic cultural ties with his family and his church AND developing new, expanding cultural ties with his friends at school and camp. It sounds like you have your head on straight and your son has a well-rounded exposure to the world.

Post # 26
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@MrsStrawberry24:  Eh he is still super young too.  If he wants to talk slang, that will be his choice. You’re doing just fine, mama.

Post # 28
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I think your sister is feeling like your son doing well in school and being educated and enjoyable highlights her short comings.  I have had the same treatment for different reasons.  Just remember that the proof truly will be in the pudding.  When your child is an accountant and her children are, well…not, she will have no choice but to admit that your way worked better.

Post # 29
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Kudos to you for providing your child with a quality education. Is it even possible to be “too proper” or “too educated?”

 

You are giving him the tools he will need for the future. “Fitting in” isn’t just about fitting in with your own race…it’s about relating to all races and cultures in this diverse world. (and that goes both ways)

I also agree that your sister is a little envious and worried about her own kids.

I attended a private school and a public school. If I could afford to send my child to private school I would. 100%!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Like PPs said, it sounds like your sister has her own issues and that you’re doing a great job.

I’m white, as are my parents, but my little brother, who was adopted, is latino.  We grew up in Minnesota, where blindingly pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes are the standard.  He was the only latino kid at our school, and he rarely met any other latino kids anywhere other than at events sponsored by the adoption agency we went through.  We moved to Texas when he was eight, and suddenly he saw lots of latino kids all the time… and pretty much nothing changed.  His main crowd of friends was a great mix of white, black, Asian, and latino kids.

Really, his differences just made for a great teaching tool.  We were able to show him the similarities between people no matter their skin color and other superficial differences.

Post # 31
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I am so happy that you are giving your son a great education and emphasizing “proper” English. I hope that he will grow up to be a bright, articulate young man someday, and you will have yourself and your husband to thank for that.

I think maybe your sister views your son’s language and education as a slight against AA culture? I volunteer with public city schools that are mainly 95% AA population to teach kids about medication safety, and it makes me sad sometimes to hear how the kids and teachers speak to one another. I get that every culture has slang, colloquialisms, etc. And that is FINE, but in education, you need to teach so that the kid gets a grasp on the language and is able to read, write, and express themselves to EVERYBODY they meet, even if they are outside their culture.

So yeah, keep on doing what you’re doing. Being “black” or “white” has nothing to do with needing to value education.

And just an aside: I went to K-12 in a school district that was 95% white, and probably about 4% Asian/Southeast Asian, 1% AA. Nobody got treated differently because of their race or skin color.

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