(Closed) Our son isn’t Black enough???

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 62
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@purpledaisies:  Honestly the fact that it is her sister making those comments doesn’t surprise me. I would be shocked if her comments aren’t more vicious behind her back. I know someone in a similar situation and it was jealousy based. The person I know was called the uppity b!tch by her family. Because she was living a middle class life and the rest of her family wasn’t. 

My advice to you 

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MrsStrawberry24: is to ignore it. Do the best thing for your child. In the end that is all that really matters. I went to private schooling most of my life and it was a mix of races. I never thougth twice about what a person looked like, only how they acted. I have raised my son to be the same way. He had brown friends, peach friends, yellow friends. They all had names, not a color designation.

Post # 63
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would place my kid in whatever school will offer him the best education. “Black Enough”? I do not understand this, by saying that he should act this way is in fact trying to enforce the stereotypes that hold AAs back when they are quite capable of moving forward. They can still hold on to who they are, but they shouldn’t have to be forced to be exposed to gangs and rap. That is just silly, everyone should get that chance to be educated.   I would tell those people to shove it, IMO. It is none of their business.

Post # 64
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To answer both questions, yes and yes! I was your child growing up and I turned out pretty well if I do say so myself. 🙂 lol

I was teased in my teens for not being black enough….I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. The teen years are impressionable. So much so that to this day, I regret not allowing myself to make a more diverse group of friends in college because I didn’t want to go through that again!

With that said, I also think it is important to expose your son to good kids of ALL races. It’s good for him to see other kids who look like him and are on the right track in education. At 6, there isn’t a lot to worry about, but sadly, with age children can be cruel. He needs to have a well diverse rounded group of friends with similar goals as he grows up.

As an adult, I converted to Judaism and I am now a minority WITHIN another minority group! Because of my past I am comfortable being with many different types of people, but I also actively sought out other Jews of color, because its nice to be around people who know how you feel and relate to your story.

Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job raising your son! Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open as he grows up. In a perfect world, these issues wouldn’t exist, but sadly…..they do.

Post # 65
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsStrawberry24:  I am in the exact same boat. I live in a pretty nice part of NYC and have our daughter in pre k that you have to pay tuition for. My child deserves the best and if we can afford to put her in the top notch school in our area, you damn right I will! She has a cousin that is her exact same age and looks a lot like her so they are often compared. My daughter is 3 and can say her ABCs, name all her colors, uses big words, knows all the names of dinosaurs (yeah, she is a dinosaur nerd, lol), knows how to subtract and add numbers, and can spell small words! She talks properly and everything! Her cousin can’t do any of that but can dance to “motivation” by Kelly Rowland!!!!! What!!!???? Am I missing something? Her cousin can also talk but not very well but can curse up a storm!

I know how you feel cause im in your shoes now. His family often asks why I don’t have her in one of the local schools for pre k, and (if you haven’t heard, most public schools here in NYC are horrible) I just refuse to have my child in a not so great school when I can clearly afford to put her in a top notch school. She is also the minority in her class. Our daughter is half AA, half Hispanic. I know how you feel girl. Some people are truly just ignorant.

 

Post # 66
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s fine to put him in a school where he will be the minority, IF the people at school are sensitive to his situation. If he has good, caring teachers who can create classroom environments where he feels valued, then he’ll be fine. It should also help if you and your husband can support him and speak to him about his experience of being an AA student in a white school, so that he doesn’t feel weird for being different.

Post # 67
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@honeybee1999:  LOL @ “you need to keep him away from degenerate white kids, too, cause they do crazy things like huff on air conditioners.” 

Post # 68
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@MrsBlueSeptember:  Lol!! That video is so funny because it’s true!! I live downown and I have to take my dog out at night, the only people that make me flinch when they walk by are white males in their 30’s… Those are the serial killers!! 

Post # 69
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@Mrs.Enne:  you pretty much related my experience – but a lot of times I felt like I wasn’t “black enough for the black kids” and not “good enough for the white kids” but hey, I grew up!

My parents always really struggled financially, but it was ALWAYS important that we lived in a place where we would be zoned to go to the best school around, they took us to the library, we hung out in book stores, we all learned to play an instrument, and dragged us to any/every free cultural event possible to help us grow into intelligent, well-rounded people that could contribute something to the world we live in. 

In the spirit of being a well-rounded individual, and global citizen it may not hurt to try to find more opportunities for your son to interact with other children that look like him – (given that it was exciting enough for him to think to mention it) as long as they fit your idea of productive ways for his time to be spent.

That is what is important OP, it sounds like you are making the best choices you can for your child and your sister needs to calm it down before you have to *roll your neck* on her! lmao

 

Post # 70
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am Latina and in high school I was “different” because I didn’t wear big silved hoop earrings, slick my hair back, and draw in my eyebrows. I was also in honors and AP classes and an AA girl and I were the only people “of color” in all those classes. We spoke “too white”.The rest of the Latin girls at my school were dating AA guys, getting preggo,giving teacher’s an attitude, or droping out.

AA or Latinos don’t have to act and dress a certain way.  We can’t let these things define who we are or who we are going to become. We don’t have to be uneducated, and we definitely don’t have to victimize ourselves.  I am very proud of being Latina, I speak/read/write Spanish, and I will pass on many traditions to my children. However, I embrace my culture thanks to what my parents taught me, the food I ate, the Latin T.V my grandma watched, and the values and traditions I learned. NOT through fitting into stupid stereotypes.

The only thing I would advise is that you make sure your son is PROUD of being AA, and never feels shame or pressure to be “like the white kids”. I’ve met both Latinos and AA’s that were ashamed of their culture and color. It’s very sad and obvious, and only isolates them and makes them more insecure in the long run.

Openly discuss these things with him. Allow him to understand steryotypes, racism, and always EMPOWER and INSPIRE him to be who he wants to be and pursue what he loves. That’s what my mom did, and regardless of the ignorant things people said to me at school, I knew better. I was not ashamed, I was proud NOT to be just one more statistic.

Post # 71
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Your sister is the problem.  End. Of. Story.  You seem like great parents.  Keep doing what you’re doing. 

Post # 72
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@chipmunklove:  This was very well said. 

Post # 73
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@mrs.folks:  Can I come hang out with your daughter? She sounds awesome! Although she probably won’t like me all that much since I don’t know much about dinosaurs. 😉

Post # 74
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

I didn’t read all the responses but you’re definitely doing the right thing so don’t worry. Your sister has the problem (likely jealousy), not you. 

Post # 75
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was one of very few white kiddos in all the schools I attended in predominantly Hispanic areas (elementary, middle and high school, all public.) I got picked on because I was white which they equated to being racist and snobby, so it was really hard on me. (Edited to add: I’m more than sure that me being treated the way I was by children was because of what they picked up from their parents behaviour)

That being said, my Fiance is a Hispanic and our children have more white features than not. Blue eyes, my blond-ish hair, and fair skin. People act surprised when they hear their last names, and have even flat out asked if they were his because they don’t look like him, when in fact they look just like him but in my color!

When the time comes, I’m going to focus more on the overall quality of the school moreso than the races who go there. I’ve never been one to care about outside color, so I want my kids to feel the same. I wouldn’t go out of my way to expose them to other white children (or Hispanic) because I just think that puts too much emphasis on something that isn’t all that important. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but as long as your boy is adjusting and isn’t being persecuted for who he is, then I wouldn’t change anything.

Post # 76
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I was raised the same way your son is, growing up being one of 3 AA kids in the whole school. It was really hard because I was teased a lot for looking different, and In a way I couldn’t relate to who I was. I didn’t have any other people that looked like me around ever. But at the same time If your son is okay with it then I don’t see a problem at school, give him the best. I would say maybe exposing him to more AA kids would be good, so that when he does choose to migrate towards his same race later It will be easier. I hate to be blunt but there is a different interest and lifestyle being AA, as any other race. I think It is important to balance both sides. I have a daughter also who will grow up just as I did, but I want her to be able to relate to her roots and be comfortable with that. Sometimes as AA parents we tend to seperate too much, so balance is key. But In all I think your doing a wonderful job!

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