(Closed) Our timeline talk … your thoughts?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I personally wouldn’t buy a house with someone I wasn’t engaged to.

Post # 3
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the above poster. I think even if you didn’t have that view, marriage should still have priority over house hunting assuming you have a stable place to live.

I also agree with your Boyfriend or Best Friend about too much talk about that kind of stuff ruining the suprise =) (But after 3 years you bringing it up is way more than reasonable)

Post # 4
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It’s interesting that he says the engagement and wedding are put off for buying a house, but how did buying a house together come up first? That’s a huge commitment that is usually taken on after marriage.  Just curious why he would not propose BEFORE the home buying

Post # 5
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

After owning a house with my ex now the ring and wedding have to come first. No one could have told me I was making a mistake but I was. I wouldn’t buy a house without at least engagement. he is a traditional guy but wants to buy a house together before marriage?

Post # 6
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

View original reply
LLMMCC:  well, if he’s that traditional it seems odd he’d NOT want to be engaged and perhaps even married, before buying the house. 

Post # 7
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Is this the first time that you’ve had a serious talk with your boyfriend about getting married? He may not have realized it was something that you wanted to happen sooner than later and thought that you were on board with his plan. I’m in the process of planning a wedding and plan to buy a house this year so I completely understand how expensive it is. However, I was not interested in seriously looking at houses until we were engaged. I wasn’t willing to make a serious financial commitment without a permanent commitment in our relationship. There will always be expenses in your life so if getting married is a priority you do need to talk about it more and figure out how to make it happen financially, if that is truly what is holding your boyfriend back right now.

Post # 8
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Buying a house first would be out of the question for me. What will his excuse be after that?

Post # 9
Member
3387 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
LLMMCC:  If he is “traditional,” then why are you guys purchasing a house before engagement/marriage?  As PPs have said, I would urge you to think twice about buying a house together with absolutely zero committment prior.  

Post # 10
Member
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
LLMMCC:  we were in the exact same position from October last year until January. We were looking for a house, and couldn’t make any large purchases until we closed. I got my ring a week after we closed :-). I’d take this as all very positive (and trust me, u don’t want him buying a ring and putting the house purchase in jeopardy). 

Post # 11
Member
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
LLMMCC:  that being said, I also told him I wanted the house over the ring. I knew he would marry me, and getting out of our apartment and having room was more important than the engagement. If I had had any doubts about him being 110% committed to marrying me, I would not have purchased a house with him before a wedding date was set. 

Post # 12
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

If you’re buying a house together as two singles; are you meeting with a lawyer to draw up a contract covering what happens if things don’t work?

Post # 14
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Is he buying this house on his own?  Bad sign – it means you are replaceable.  Is he depending on a big financial contribution from you?  Bad sign – it means he is using you to buy that house.

My good friend owned a house w/ a girl a while back.. they talked about getting married and he was about to buy a ring.  One day he came home and she was sitting there with her (male) co-worker.  She broke his heart shortly after.  And they ahd to live there for months while they sold it – bad market – and he lost THOUSANDS of dollars.

Do not buy a house with this man.  Tell him you want a wedding and are fine with renting until then.

Post # 15
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I was in somewhat same situations except I was not doing any of the paying for the house it was all in his name but I was a apart in picking the house. It was hard on me because I didnt see myself picking out the home I will start my family in with my boyfriend but it was important to him to buy a house rather then rent and the market was on a climb in our area. Once you’ve talked about it I woul dtry to leave it alone. I had told him I hoped he would propose before buying a boat and that had casued some tension! We bought the house in june he bought the ring in september and we were engaged end of novemeber.. he eneded up buying the boat after the ring . We decided to wait till the next summer for the wedding to have plenty of time to plan and save! Maybe letting him know a longer engagement is ok!

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