Post # 1
My daughter’s wedding is May 21, 2011, and our son just got engaged three days ago. They are looking at scheduling their wedding either the week before my daughter’s or the week after now. She is not happy, and of course, we have concerns of the travel and financial strain it will cause our family and friends. Is there any etiquette regarding this? Our son has not shared this with us yet, he has talked to his sister, and she was not happy, but did not voice her true feelings. She is very upset, and we have encouraged her to tell her brother that. She did tell him she wasn’t happy when he brought up the week after, but she was afraid to look selfish when he brought up the week before. So, we cannot say anything now since we have not officially been told anything. But, is there any etiquette regarding this, does anyone know?
Post # 3
I dont know if there is official ettiquette other than common courtesy as her brother. I do think since you are mom you could easily say something to him about the burden it would cause to family and friends… even a month later would help a lot.
Post # 4
That’s a very quick turn around for a wedding! Why does he want that month so badly? I think that it’s wrong of him to have his wedding that close to his sister’s when she’s been planning on it for so long. Also, it’s really going to upset her if people make it to his and not hers! I’d be upset to – and maybe it is selfish, but I went through something similar.
Post # 5
Woah – short planning! I personally would be very upset. Not only is the financial strain for you and your guests huge, but what if one of them wants a honeymoon right after the wedding that lasts a week? Way to steal the bride’s thunder. I hope he really thinks about it and is more considerate. Maybe when his Fiance starts planning he’ll relaize how much time they really need to plan.
Post # 6
This happened to my friend. Her brother’s fiance wanted to schedule the wedding for two weeks after my friend’s. Her mother did step in and reminded the soon to be sister in law that family will have to travel and there will be additionally costs for many of the guests so by chosing a wedding that close together she was asking the guests to chose which wedding to attend. The second bride to be moved her date to a month after the original brides date. Still not ideal, but much better than a week apart!
Post # 7
Wow, that’s so unfair to your daughter. As a male, maybe your son doesn’t realize that his plans to wed within one week of his sister might raise a few eyebrows, but his fiancee should know better. Please advise your son, that aside from totally stealing his sister’s thunder, having the wedding that close to his sister’s would also cause an unfair burden to family and guests, and may force people to choose between them. There’s 12 months in a year- and he really feels that he must get married within one week of his sister? Doubtful. It’s a REALLY, REALLY BAD idea.
Post # 8
I think as the momma you are totally in your place to tell him that it’s unfair to both his sister AND all the guests who would be expected to attend both weddings to hold them that close together. If my mom sat me down and explained that, I’d listen.
Post # 9
I would say there should be at least six weeks between the weddings! Plus, I doubt Memorial Day weekend is even available at this point (which, having your wedding on a holiday weekend is another faux pas) so is he having it the week before?!
I don’t think there is technically any etiquette on this, but it is certainly RUDE to do that.
Sorry you’re getting stuck in the middle! Good luck!
Post # 10
I’m not sure of the etiquette, but I know financially that would be really hard. I would hate for him to have to wait a long time to get married just because his sister is gettind married at the same time… but this seems like a situation where he should wait. Maybe he could move it up at least a month? If he’s not willing to do that then at least two weeks apart. That way everyone can be rested AND have a honeymoon without rushing back for another wedding.
It seems to me if he is not willing to compromise, then he will have the financial burden. Because you have already committed to your daughter’s wedding. Let us know how it goes!
Post # 11
It’s hard to pull a wedding together in 3.5 months…I’m sure once they got into planning they would realize they need more time than that. I’d still step in and voice your disappointment. I totally understand your daughter’s reasoning for being upset. Her brother is completely stealing her thunder. I think as the mom you should talk to him and tell him why it is wrong.
Post # 12
I would play the mom card and say no. Also, why does he want to get married so quick? Is she knocked up?
Post # 13
Oh Mama I would strongly discourage that out of respect for both brides. I think planning wise it is pretty tough to plan but it could be done. I think that would be difficult for guests because unless they have arrangements for a week, its hard to travel back and forth 2 weekends in a row. I personally as a guest would probably just choose one wedding and send regrets to another. I think both couples deserve to have their family present and definitely don’t want to get in the way of each other’s big day. Although everyone gets one day, with this situation involving siblings, it’s definitely stealing thunder from both couples.
Post # 14
If anything I would suggest at least 2 to 3 weeks after the sisters if she is having a honeymoon. She may not even be present if they plan it for a week after. I think as the mom you should remind your new DIL that it is definitely a financial strain and you would be unable to help with as many things and possibly with the financial issues if they were to have it so close to your daughters wedding.
Remind them that you love and care for them and you do not want them to feel as though their big day isn’t as important as the sisters but that you will not have as much free time, money, or energy to divot to theirs if they choose that date.
Post # 15
Planning a wedding so quickly is extremely difficult…especially if they want a traditional type wedding. I do think that him getting married within a week of his sister would be stealing her thunder and someone should tell him so. I know I would be upset if it were me. Please show your daughter this thread. Maybe she won’t feel like she’s being so “selfish” if she sees that other people would be upset as well about the situation. Heck, show your son too if you want;)
Post # 16
Gosh, I suppose I was a bad girl when I scheduled my wedding two weeks after my SIL’s!!?? We tried to keep them at least a month apart, but once we selected our venues, the dates we each wanted weren’t available. She ended up changing hers to one week later, and I went with one week earlier because otherwise I was getting too close to Christmas. So we basically had our weddings two weeks apart, with Thanksgiving in between. I suppose I could have waited longer, but there was a variety of reasons why waiting a few weeks wasn’t feasible. (Essentially, I would have had to wait an entire year to avoid hurricane season and the higher rates associated with tourist season.)
Seemed to work out okay for everyone, and we didn’t have any guests that felt they had to “choose” one or the other. Also, his parents did not contribute financially to our wedding, so that wasn’t a concern. (We didn’t ask or expect them to, as we are older than the average bride and groom and financially prepared to pay for our own wedding.)
I do think it would be rude for your son and his fiancee to choose a date right before your daughter’s wedding. I’m sure he’s not aware of the possible issues (he’s a guy, after all!) or the impact on his sister. I would start by probing WHY they are intent on doing it so soon and so close to hers, and then gently point out some of the concerns. He should understand and be able to persuade his fiancee to reconsider, and if not, then I would be suspicious of the fiancee’s motivations.