- 1 month ago
If you go you are only throwing good money after bad…
If you go you are only throwing good money after bad…
DO NOT GO.
DO NOT GO.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT GO.
There is no way you can go on this vacation without them having won and knowing it. Even if you tell them how annoyed you are and get agreements over who will be in what bedroom etc, even if you get them to agree to separate activities…. Just the act of going will tell them that they are allowed to walk all over you like this.
Honestly, I’d go with your husband’s idea of just going elsewhere.
(I’d ask for your money back but don’t go just because you’ve paid)
Your husband: Mom your behavior with this vacation has been extremely inappropriate and manipulative. You lied to us and stole our vacation out from us to serve your own needs. You will return our money and we will not be going on this vacation. Until the money is returned we will be taking a time out from you.”
Id seriously refuse to see Mother-In-Law until she returns your money. I’d also never go on a vacation with those people ever again. If for some reason you can’t get your money back I would think of it as everyone’s Christmas and birthday presents from you and hubby for an entire year. You give them nothing and if asked you can tell them you generously paid for the vacation they took at your expense.
But do not go on this trip. It is only encouraging their behavior and giving them exactly what they wanted. They need a solid and serious time out.
This is insane. His sister needs to give you back your money now. They can cancel the hotel and get their money back, especially as they’re going through a friend. This is your family vacation.
Or, if you’re feeling generous, I would go but only if I was staying alone with my family in the 2-bedroom. I would pay more to have space for my family, especially as it sounds like you don’t see your husband’s oldest child that often. I could see arranging to hang out at the pool, have a big dinner or whatever with your family. Separate but together vacation. With firm rules in place that you also have alone time just with the 5 of you.
We’re taking my parents to our favorite resort and staying in a 3-bedroom (2 masters and a bunk room for the kids). I’m already a little worried about all that closeness even though my parents are super respectful about making sure we get time alone as a family and we all do our own thing sometimes.
I would take the loss on the hotel money. Book a new hotel or Air BnB and have vacation as originally planned with just your nuclear family. The rest of them can do their own thing.
So basically everyone knew it was gonna be a huge group from the get go.. Except you guys werent told till you sent money?!
Id be fuming. Im all for family vaca’s but not suprise family vaca’s where i have to share a room with another couple and kids. Id back out, call the hotel and see if they can refund your money, if not make sure Mother-In-Law knows that she now owes you 400 once they get back. Id be pissed about being out of 400 if its not paid back, but figure it would be better then going on a vacation i dont want to be at and being forced to pay more for activites, food, etc.
Wow I had so much second-hand anxiety and rage reading this. There is no chance I’d be going on this trip. If you can’t get your money back I’d still cancel and just think of the lost funds as a convenience fee for not having to endure a vacay from hell with manipulative greedy assholes.
I would be so pissed off about this and I would 100% cancel.
If you can’t bring yourself to cancel, you tell the mom and sister that your family and Mother-In-Law will be staying in one room and the brother and sister can stay in the other.
I would absolutely not go on this trip. They will expect you guys to split EVERYTHING on the trip cost wise. Food, activities you don’t even want to participate in. I assure you that if you go, it will NOT be the end of your “group”expenses.
Tell them you aren’t going, plan your own trip, and request your back. If they refuse, then that money covers every financial contribution you would have made to his family, including birthday and holiday gifts. I would also let his mother know that you will no longer be vacationing with them as a group in the future. You will always make your own plans and only cover your own expenses.
I’m so angry for you that they have selfishly ruined your vacation this way.
Thank you all so much for the support and advice! It was truly needed. We are supposed to my going to FI’s parent’s house later this evening for a Mother’s Day get-together. All of this was planned before the whole vacation debacle. He says that he’s going to bring up all of his concerns with his mom and sister today. I told him that I think he should wait because it’s Mother’s Day but he claims that it’s going to be a calm conversation.
After reading all of your responses he has decided that he is going to let them know how we feel about them taking over our vacation and making plans without our input. He is also going to let his mom know that it was unacceptable to invite anyone else (family or not) without speaking to us first. Also, if we go we want the master bedroom in the suite and we are not to be made to feel obligated to be with them at any point during this vacation. He’s also going to tell her that if they have any problem with any of this then they can pay us back our $500 and we’ll do something alone as originally planned.
Both of us have also agreed that if they decide to renege on anything we will just cut our losses but will not show up to any family gatherings for a very long time or until they pay us back the money.
I still think that he should wait until another day to bring this up and will try to convince him to do so. If not then I will update here on what happens.
The Mother’s Day timing is unfortunate but not your problem. I don’t see how you can hang out with them today and pretend like everything is fine, so I think your husband talking to his mom today is the right move.
The chutzpah of these people is astounding. Flipping a shit cause you didn’t pay them within 3 hrs, while all the while going behind your back and completely screwing you over with accommodations for your own vacation !!! These people sound toxic…is this the first time something like this has happened??
Also, I want to clarify that we have two 2bd/2bath suites. So 4 rooms and 2 living rooms total.
Yikes this situation is my nightmare. I would guess your Mil will def pull the mother’s day/I’m a mom why are you doing this to me card. Good luck! I’d pull out if it were me. My vacation, time and money are way too precious to waste on this!
tiffanybruiser : This is the first time this has happened but it’s not the first time that his mom and sister have completely taken over family events. Last year we invited everyone to go to the beach with us. We were already going to go but thought it would be niceif it became a family thing. Everyone got together a couple of time to discuss timeline and events. But everytime we suggested something or tried to give our input we were basically shut down. Eventually it seemed as if his mom and sister had planned the whole thing and WE were the ones who were invited. It was not very fun. Fortunately they all had to leave a few day earlier than we did so we got to do everything we wanted anyways.
A lot of the time myself and his brother’s wife are invited to “help plan things”. Really they just want us in the same room so they can say that we all planned this together when in actuality we got to give 0 input on anything. We thought we’d be good this time since only his parents were supposed to be coming with us.