Our vacation has been hijacked. NEED ADVICE

posted 1 month ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

If you go you are only throwing good money after bad…

Post # 17
Member
618 posts
Busy bee

DO NOT GO. 

DO NOT GO. 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT GO. 

Post # 18
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

There is no way you can go on this vacation without them having won and knowing it. Even if you tell them how annoyed you are and get agreements over who will be in what bedroom etc, even if you get them to agree to separate activities…. Just the act of going will tell them that they are allowed to walk all over you like this.

Honestly, I’d go with your husband’s idea of just going elsewhere. 

(I’d ask for your money back but don’t go just because you’ve paid)

Post # 19
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

Your husband: Mom your behavior with this vacation has been extremely inappropriate and manipulative. You lied to us and stole our vacation out from us to serve your own needs. You will return our money and we will not be going on this vacation. Until the money is returned we will be taking a time out from you.” 

Id seriously refuse to see Mother-In-Law until she returns your money. I’d also never go on a vacation with those people ever again. If for some reason you can’t get your money back I would think of it as everyone’s Christmas and birthday presents from you and hubby for an entire year. You give them nothing and if asked you can tell them you generously paid for the vacation they took at your expense. 

But do not go on this trip. It is only encouraging their behavior and giving them exactly what they wanted. They need a solid and serious time out. 

Post # 20
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

This is insane. His sister needs to give you back your money now. They can cancel the hotel and get their money back, especially as they’re going through a friend. This is your family vacation.

Or, if you’re feeling generous, I would go but only if I was staying alone with my family in the 2-bedroom. I would pay more to have space for my family, especially as it sounds like you don’t see your husband’s oldest child that often. I could see arranging to hang out at the pool, have a big dinner or whatever with your family. Separate but together vacation. With firm rules in place that you also have alone time just with the 5 of you.

We’re taking my parents to our favorite resort and staying in a 3-bedroom (2 masters and a bunk room for the kids). I’m already a little worried about all that closeness even though my parents are super respectful about making sure we get time alone as a family and we all do our own thing sometimes.

Post # 21
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

I would take the loss on the hotel money. Book a new hotel or Air BnB and have vacation as originally planned with just your nuclear family. The rest of them can do their own thing. 

Post # 22
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

So basically everyone knew it was gonna be a huge group from the get go.. Except you guys werent told till you sent money?!

Id be fuming. Im all for family vaca’s but not suprise family vaca’s where i have to share a room with another couple and kids. Id back out, call the hotel and see if they can refund your money, if not make sure Mother-In-Law knows that she now owes you 400 once they get back. Id be pissed about being out of 400 if its not paid back, but figure it would be better then going on a vacation i dont want to be at and being forced to pay more for activites, food, etc. 

Post # 23
Member
7763 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow I had so much second-hand anxiety and rage reading this. There is no chance I’d be going on this trip. If you can’t get your money back I’d still cancel and just think of the lost funds as a convenience fee for not having to endure a vacay from hell with manipulative greedy assholes. 

Post # 24
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be so pissed off about this and I would 100% cancel.

If you can’t bring yourself to cancel, you tell the mom and sister that your family and Mother-In-Law will be staying in one room and the brother and sister can stay in the other.

 

Post # 25
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I would absolutely not go on this trip. They will expect you guys to split EVERYTHING on the trip cost wise. Food, activities you don’t even want to participate in. I assure you that if you go, it will NOT be the end of your “group”expenses.

Tell them you aren’t going, plan your own trip, and request your back. If they refuse, then that money covers every financial contribution you would have made to his family, including birthday and holiday gifts. I would also let his mother know that you will no longer be vacationing with them as a group in the future. You will always make your own plans and only cover your own expenses.

I’m so angry for you that they have selfishly ruined your vacation this way.

Post # 27
Member
7763 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The Mother’s Day timing is unfortunate but not your problem. I don’t see how you can hang out with them today and pretend like everything is fine, so I think your husband talking to his mom today is the right move. 

The chutzpah of these people is astounding. Flipping a shit cause you didn’t pay them within 3 hrs, while all the while going behind your back and completely screwing you over with accommodations for your own vacation !!! These people sound toxic…is this the first time something like this has happened??

Post # 29
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

Yikes this situation is my nightmare. I would guess your Mil will def pull the mother’s day/I’m a mom why are you doing this to me card.   Good luck! I’d pull out if it were me. My vacation, time and money are way too precious to waste on this! 

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