Our vacation has been hijacked. NEED ADVICE

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1453 posts
Bumble bee

Group vacations should not start out like this. The key is to have open and honest communication so that no one feels left out or taken advantage of. That is not happening here. It is for the best to address it with them as soon as possible. Otherwise they will think you are just having buyers remorse.

Post # 32
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Your still rewarding their behavior so don’t be surprised when this happens to you again in the future. 

These people should be in a timeout regardless of if it’s mother’s day or not. Your a mom too, this is also your day. Your husband should call his mom and say,

we have decided to do mother’s day as a nuclear family this year. We will be in touch about our vacation plans this week. 

Then this week stand up for yourself and ask for your money back and don’t go. Actions have consequences and at this point it’s shame on you if you allow this to continue. First time shame on them, second time shame on you. 

Post # 33
Member
3516 posts
Sugar bee

I was reading this and knowing exactly where it would go. I’m so sorry. One of the things you learn as you get older is never let anyone book anything or make plans for your vacation – and this is why. Also never believe there’s some way of getting something much cheaper. In this world you get what you pay for. There’s always a catch.

Don’t throw good money after bad. Don’t go, it sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Frankly you’d have to pay me to take a vacation with these people.

Post # 34
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

futuremrsmoore :  I would cancel every possible item, or get a voucher for anything I couldn’t cancel and just use it later.

Traveling and staying with a dozen people is a fucking nightmare.

Post # 35
Member
867 posts
Busy bee

Staying in the hotel with his brother is a win for them no matter what. Whether you make other plans with them or not. Do NOT let them have their way. Do not stay in the hotel with the brother. Master bedroom or otherwise. Say bye bye to the $500 and book another hotel and do not contact them during your vacation at all. 

And in future, ALWAYS make your own bookings. This is why I’m a huge control freak. Trusting people with big decisions like this comes back to bite you in the butt more times than it’s worth. Big vacations with a ton of people can definitely be successful. But communication and respect is key. We did a trip to three cities in Turkey. 16 people ranging from the age of 2-65! It was a blast and everyone got to do the things they wanted and had privacy as needed. But your IL’s do not seem like the type of people with whom a big family trip can be a success. Someone is gonna end up having a bad time and it sounds like it’s gonna be y’all OP. Which is unfortunate as I know y’all weren’t planning on this being a big family trip in the first place. 

Post # 36
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Did you count how many posters advised you not to go on this trip, no matter what happened with the money? You seem to be ignoring some very strong advice.

Post # 38
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

cassandra7 :  don’t agree at all

Sounds like you have a good plan to move forward. I got so much second hand rage reading this post and I hope it all works out! Vacations shouldn’t bring this much stress 

Post # 39
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I totally agree that this is NOT the way at ALL to do things. I would be livid as well. But I think you and your husband are handling things well. To let them know that this is not respecting you and your plans and invading your personal time. And that this is the last time that you‘re going to accept that. 

If you still like to go and think you can enjoy it with the conditions you mentioned, then I would go for it. 

Post # 40
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

If this were me, I’d call the hotel, book my own room, eat the difference just for the peace of an actual vacation, and then firmly state that you two will do what you want, when you want, and nothing more. I would also tell them how pissed the hell off I am about the whole hijacking of our family vacation and tell them that under no circumstances will they ever be invited along on a vacation with you again. This is so out of line it’s unbelievable.

Post # 41
Member
829 posts
Busy bee

Nope, nope, nope. Do not go. They will continue to RUIN your vacation by causing a big stink every time you pass on a group activity, disagree with their plans, etc.  And it sounds like they’re the type to order the filet, a fancy $18 cocktail and then want to go halfsies when you ordered a burger and a beer.

 

 It’s not worth it, just consider it a $500 lesson in how his family works.

Post # 43
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Surprisingly good resolution! If they pull any bullshit later on in planning you guys should for sure bail, but it seems like things are going the best way they can!

Post # 44
Member
3516 posts
Sugar bee

Go only if you have your own unshared apartment.  Sharing a 2 br suite with another family sounds awful.

I guess it’s nice his parents apologized but they’re still getting their way on everything after steamrolling you into what hotel to stay at and how much it’s going to cost – and sharing your space. So now you’ve showed them they can do this is long as they apologize after. 

Frankly you sound a bit passive to me and I say that as someone who used to be like that but learned  that I feel much better and have a better experience overall when I set up all my accomodayions on MY vacation.

 

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