Post # 31
Group vacations should not start out like this. The key is to have open and honest communication so that no one feels left out or taken advantage of. That is not happening here. It is for the best to address it with them as soon as possible. Otherwise they will think you are just having buyers remorse.
Post # 32
Your still rewarding their behavior so don’t be surprised when this happens to you again in the future.
These people should be in a timeout regardless of if it’s mother’s day or not. Your a mom too, this is also your day. Your husband should call his mom and say,
we have decided to do mother’s day as a nuclear family this year. We will be in touch about our vacation plans this week.
Then this week stand up for yourself and ask for your money back and don’t go. Actions have consequences and at this point it’s shame on you if you allow this to continue. First time shame on them, second time shame on you.
Post # 33
I was reading this and knowing exactly where it would go. I’m so sorry. One of the things you learn as you get older is never let anyone book anything or make plans for your vacation – and this is why. Also never believe there’s some way of getting something much cheaper. In this world you get what you pay for. There’s always a catch.
Don’t throw good money after bad. Don’t go, it sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Frankly you’d have to pay me to take a vacation with these people.
Post # 34
futuremrsmoore : I would cancel every possible item, or get a voucher for anything I couldn’t cancel and just use it later.
Traveling and staying with a dozen people is a fucking nightmare.
Post # 35
Staying in the hotel with his brother is a win for them no matter what. Whether you make other plans with them or not. Do NOT let them have their way. Do not stay in the hotel with the brother. Master bedroom or otherwise. Say bye bye to the $500 and book another hotel and do not contact them during your vacation at all.
And in future, ALWAYS make your own bookings. This is why I’m a huge control freak. Trusting people with big decisions like this comes back to bite you in the butt more times than it’s worth. Big vacations with a ton of people can definitely be successful. But communication and respect is key. We did a trip to three cities in Turkey. 16 people ranging from the age of 2-65! It was a blast and everyone got to do the things they wanted and had privacy as needed. But your IL’s do not seem like the type of people with whom a big family trip can be a success. Someone is gonna end up having a bad time and it sounds like it’s gonna be y’all OP. Which is unfortunate as I know y’all weren’t planning on this being a big family trip in the first place.
Post # 36
Did you count how many posters advised you not to go on this trip, no matter what happened with the money? You seem to be ignoring some very strong advice.
Post # 37
- Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina
cassandra7 : I feel as though we’re taking in all of the great advice and trying a little bit of everything. The option to not go at all is still firmly on the table.
Post # 38
cassandra7 : don’t agree at all
Sounds like you have a good plan to move forward. I got so much second hand rage reading this post and I hope it all works out! Vacations shouldn’t bring this much stress
Post # 39
I totally agree that this is NOT the way at ALL to do things. I would be livid as well. But I think you and your husband are handling things well. To let them know that this is not respecting you and your plans and invading your personal time. And that this is the last time that you‘re going to accept that.
If you still like to go and think you can enjoy it with the conditions you mentioned, then I would go for it.
Post # 40
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
If this were me, I’d call the hotel, book my own room, eat the difference just for the peace of an actual vacation, and then firmly state that you two will do what you want, when you want, and nothing more. I would also tell them how pissed the hell off I am about the whole hijacking of our family vacation and tell them that under no circumstances will they ever be invited along on a vacation with you again. This is so out of line it’s unbelievable.
Post # 41
Nope, nope, nope. Do not go. They will continue to RUIN your vacation by causing a big stink every time you pass on a group activity, disagree with their plans, etc. And it sounds like they’re the type to order the filet, a fancy $18 cocktail and then want to go halfsies when you ordered a burger and a beer.
It’s not worth it, just consider it a $500 lesson in how his family works.
Post # 42
- Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina
Ok so we just got back from the dinner at his parents house. His mom and sister actually brought up the vacation towards the end of the night and so Fiance thought it was perfect timing to address the situation. His sister was extremely embarrassed because she didn’t know that this trip was originally ours. We found that everyone was under the impression that this was a trip that their mom was orchestrating. His mom was extremely apologetic which was a suprise to the both of us. Honestly, this is the very first time that his mom and sister have been called out for this type of behavior. And I believe that it worked on our behalf that he called them out in front of the entire family.
His mom asked us to please still come with them on the vacation. She agreed to all of our terms. His brother told us that he had no problem with us getting the bigger room because it only made sense. His mom and dad also pulled us aside as we were leaving and just kept apologizing. They told us that when the time came they’d pay for either our wedding DJ or our cake. We told them that they didn’t have to do that but they’re insisting. We told them we’d think on it.
It all seemed really sincere to the both of us. Like I said, this is the first time they’ve EVER been called out for ANYTHING. I’m really surprised that they didn’t get defensive because I’ve seen them get that way about other things. We’re definitely not accepting their offer of paying for something for our wedding. Fiance and I are footing the bill completely on our own because we don’t want anybody to feel like they should get a say in anything. Fiance is leaving it up to me whether we still go or not and I’m leaning towards going. We have no problems with his brother’s family and it’s really not his fault that the situation ended up being the way it is.
Also, it’s not like we’ll all be driving in the same vehicle. We already determined that once we get to the destination we can all go our separate way unless we agree that we all do something together. Each family will pay their own way too. It will be separate checks at restaurants, using our own money to buy tickets to attractions/events, etc. On top of all of this we still told them to not be surprised if we decline any invitations to family gatherings for a while. They all agreed it was fair.
I feel like we should give them a chance to live up to their promises. What do you all think?
Post # 43
Surprisingly good resolution! If they pull any bullshit later on in planning you guys should for sure bail, but it seems like things are going the best way they can!
Post # 44
Go only if you have your own unshared apartment. Sharing a 2 br suite with another family sounds awful.
I guess it’s nice his parents apologized but they’re still getting their way on everything after steamrolling you into what hotel to stay at and how much it’s going to cost – and sharing your space. So now you’ve showed them they can do this is long as they apologize after.
Frankly you sound a bit passive to me and I say that as someone who used to be like that but learned that I feel much better and have a better experience overall when I set up all my accomodayions on MY vacation.
Post # 45
- Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina
sunburn : I will admit that I am a bit passive but my Fiance definitely is not. I know that this is their one and only chance to make things right. This is not the first time that he’s completely cut them off. I can understand them thinking they could walk all over us if this wasn’t the first time we’ve ever called them out on anything. Also, I’m looking at it from an economical perspective too. Yes we can totally afford to just throw $500 down the drain but it’s not something I’m willing to do if there’s a good possiblity that we may still enjoy ourselves. We both agreed that we could still take a second vacation without them anyways if we aren’t completely happy.